after a trip to the store today, I needed this laugh.
5.37
That's what the
kid behind the counter at Taco Bell said to me.
I dug into my pocket and
pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly
Rancher.
Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head
back out to the truck to grab some change
when the kid with the Elmo
hairdo said the hardest thing anyone has ever said to me.
He said,
"It's
OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen
discount."
I turned to see
who he was talking
to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of
me.
"Only$4.68"he said
cheerfully.
I stood there stupefied. I am 56, not even 60 yet?
A
mere child!
Senior citizen?
I took my burrito and walked out to
the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo.
Was he blind?
As I sat
in the truck, my blood began to boil.
Old?
Me?
I'll show him, I thought.
I opened the door and headed back
inside. I strode to the counter,
and there he was waiting with a
smile.
Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it
in front of me,
like I could be that easily distracted!
What am I
now?
A toddler?
"Dude!
Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?"
I stared with
utter disdain at the keys.
I began to rationalize in my mind!
"Leaving
keys behind hardly makes a man elderly!
It could happen to
anyone!"
I turned and
headed back to the truck.
I slipped the key into the ignition, but it
wouldn't turn.
What now?
I checked my keys and tried another.
Still
nothing.
That's when I noticed the purple
beads hanging from my
rear view mirror.
I had no purple
beads hanging from my
rear view mirror.
Then, a few other objects came into focus:
The
car seat in the back seat.
Happy Meal toys spread all over the
floorboard.
A partially eaten dough nut on the dashboard.
Faster
than you can say ginkgo
biloba, I flew out of
the alien
vehicle.
Moments later I was speeding out of the parking
lot,
relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my
life.
That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach:
hunger!
My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my
burrito,
only it was nowhere to be found.
I swung the truck
around, gathered my courage,
and strode back into the restaurant one
final time.
There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail
polish.
All I could think was, "What
is the world coming to?"
All I could say
was, "Did
I leave my food and drink in here"?
At this point I
was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle,
and then go
straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.
Elmo had no
clue.
I walked back out to the truck,
and suddenly a young lad came up
and tugged on my jeans to get my attention.
He was holding up a drink and
a bag.
His mother explained,
"I
think you left this in my truck by mistake."
I took the food
and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.
She offered
these kind words:
"It's
OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the
time."
All of this is to
explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40 mph
zone.
Yessss, I was racing
some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.
And no, I told the officer, I'm
nottoo
old to be driving
this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down
the hall.
I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300speeding
ticket.
I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a
blankey.
The good news was
that I successfully made it home.
************
AARP will find anyone who is 50.I really have trouble finding my car outside of a store.Also forget phone no's like my sons who i call all the time. Being so old had trouble reading your entire post. Loved it though 2|1|that is cute & hillarious :-)|smiles|mrsbettygreen@yahoo.com|17:16:11|01/05/2013|
3|1|at a restaurtant around here DH and i went for breakfast one morning got the bill and it had senior discount on it we are only in early 40's but he is getting lots of gray so that helped LOL|lydzkydz|lydzmcss@yahoo.com|13:42:40|01/06/2013|
please include your user name on refundsweepers.
i appreciate all the trades made in the past.
THANKS!!