awwww friends...where do I start???
I am in WV..have been here for 2 weeks now...AS every year, I come home in the summer...help my mom
and dad...Since dad has been sick...someone always has to be home with him. I know it's been tough
on my mom...my sister and my brother...and I feel like they've done so much. BUT I come home atleast
twice a year..and the summer is my two month stay... WELL this year has been different...WE'VE actually
thrown the idea around about me and haley moving back to WV...it's a very tough decision..AND I just don't
know If I'm doing the right thing or not...I've been an emotional wreck.
I have found a house..close to my mom and dad...3 miles away...I love it..haley likes it...AND I'm thinking we
are going to put an offer in this week..."thinking".....my hubby is sad..because he doesn't want us moving
here..but he knows WE need to be here and really want too. Today is our 10th Wedding Anniversary...AND this is
the 8th year that we haven't been together on our Anniversary...it's so sad!! BUT it just happens that I'm always
here at summer....BUT he knows the whole situation...AND we make it work. He is a great guy..we have a great life
in Kansas City, we have a beautiful big house, the pool, hot tub, just very very nice. We live close to everything..
within 5 minutes to haley's school, just everything...AND I am very fortunate..but still so homesick.
HERE....it will be me and haley...because John won't be able to move here for another 2 years...If I get this house,
he will come to visit as much as possible, and I'm sure I'll go back home. AND another thing...i'll be bringing the
doggies here with me...that he loves so much...copper and bella goes for walks with him..every single day whether it's
raining, snowing, 100 degrees, 5 degrees...HE just does so much with them...they love him lots..
haley ...well they have that love/hate relationship...step dad...blah blah..BUT he really does so much for her, and he's
really good with her... AND now that she's older they've been alot better..they ride bikes together, jog etc. John and I have
been together since she was 2. He's really good with her...REALLY I lucked out..because he's a great guy..
He puts up with all of my crap.. my moodiness....homesick blah blah blah..I know I'm hard to live with...LOL
SO now that this is all really happening..met with the realtors today...we are just waiting for our bank in MO to tell us what
we can afford etc... SO now, I'm just second guessing everything...I guess, I'm scared, confused...I want everything I have
all together you know??? I really dont' want to be away from my husband...AND I don't want to take our life/his life away from
him....BUT yet, he's willing to do all of this to make me happy????
It's like either way..I'm not complete...If I move here...I'll be back with my family...but without him. My dad say's, I want you
here..but I don't want you to give up everything you have....You have it made..why would you?? I always say...because your here,
my family is here and I miss everyone.
I just wish someone would tell me what to do... THIS is what I've thought about and i'm trying to tell my heart and my head to agree.
I am going to put in a offer...and if it's meant to be...it will be accepted...if not, then it won't be meant to be? Is that simple?
I've been so stressed for the last 2 weeks...I've looked at 10 houses..this one was my first one..and the first one that I really
really like. I was like YES...this is going to work..YES... AND now that it's getting closer and everything is just worrying me.
Is this what i really want?? Do i give up my life to come back...I'm so torn...I just feel like i'm always torn...SIGH...SIGH
No one will give me an answer...I ask HALEY what she truly wants? she's like MOM, I don't care. We have pros/cons on both places..so that has been no help.
I was thinking about going to a psychic tomorrow...LOL AWWWWW I need something to ease my mind...I don't drink...I hate to exercise...what else can i do...LOL I know I've rambled on and on...I guess I just need to see a SIGN?????
1|1|pray about and i will be praying for you (m)|gwens29|gwen41539@bellsouth.net|23:15:55|06/20/2012|
Shelly this is a big change for everyone i dont think their is an easy answer it will be heart break what ever u choose u loose something u cherish i wish i knew what was the best but it would be hard for me to choose between my husband and my parents BUT in 2yrs (that isnt long) ur hubby can move to wv if he wants i will pray for u i know this will be difficult
http://www.refundsweepers.com/dcforum/feedback/27.html
2|1|Here are my thoughts....|Sharon|corvettelady@lavabit.com|23:17:47|06/20/2012|
If I was in your shoes, I would stay with my husband in Kansas City. He's your family now. Since you visit your parents every summer, you're doing your share in helping/caring for them, as well as your siblings doing their part. I get the feeling that if you move to WV, you won't be completely happy there. Your heart is still in Kansas City with your husband & daughter. Yes, it's a very tough decision agonizing what to do, but go with your gut and best of luck! Sharon:) 3|2|why dont u just rent you a house ..for the time being..that way you arent stuck there|couponsnsamples|cpsnsamples@aol.com|23:31:55|06/20/2012|
if u decide thats not what you want...........I just recently lost my dad..my mom had already pasted in 2001
and i know i would and DID do everything possible for him..........and would do it again in a heartbeat.......
my dad died unexpectly ,even though he was in a nursing home..and of all the days for me to miss going to see him.......i missed
mothers day........he passed away early that night........and i have kicked myself daily for not being there.........so i know exactly what you mean......
But.......on the other hand.....I love my husband more than life itself...and i could never imagine buying a house in another state and leaving
him behind...even though he could move in 2 yrs.....i just couldnt lock myself into a decision like buying a house ..and not being sure of things........ 4|3|Here is my ywo cents for what it's worth in a nut shell I wouldn't do it I know|teener|teenerzacsneenee@yahoo.com|06:36:45|06/21/2012|
how hard it is being away from your Dad at this time in his life but the potentail of what could be lost is so much greater. Your family there including your Dad should really not want you to do this. By going there for the two months a year and the in betweens you ARE doing your part in the care of your Father more than most people do in situations like this. In the begining of my marriage Gary became ill and we went through a real low and as a result our whole family the 2 of us,his parents and mine had to see a theraphist and in the end the one thing he got across to us is that once you marry no matter how strong the bond is with your parents and siblings you have made a new family and it needs to be respected as a new unit I truly believe that in this case it would be better to keep things the way they are and in two years all of you move.
Then there is your daughter At this stage in her life and school I would think twice about moving her no matter how much she says she wants to and she likes the house and everything jmo
5|4|Tina is a very wise person I think she said it all and very nicely put, too. |eecwz|eecwz1@gmail.com |07:02:39|06/21/2012|
Thanks for all the great trades. Please leave me feedback here:
http://www.refundsweepers.com/dcforum/feedback/1094.html
6|4|I agree with Tina.....I wish I lived closer to my mom, but I would never divide my family and she would never allow me to.....I'll be praying for you, Shelly.....I can imagine how conflicted you feel.|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|07:09:05|06/21/2012|
" You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless it was mailed."
7|1|As much as you want to be with and help your family.....|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|07:09:46|06/21/2012|
I would not move until my husband could come with me. I can not imagine living day to day without my husband, that is a very strong bond that is important to keep together.
If you want to be there more, maybe you could go more often during the year, if you can afford to run two households, then the expense of travel should not be a problem.
Praying this works out for you.
************
I always said that my Mom would always be my Mom, my Dad would always be my Dad, but who is to say Don will always be my husband? Well my Dad heard me say that one time and he really let me have it....he said "when you got married you chose Don over us, which is the way it is supposed to be". It really made me feel bad/sad as he (and I) questioned my love for Don.....all I know is I am glad I was never faced with making a choice....on another hand you sound just like me, you want someone to tell you what to do. Don says I do that so I can blame someone else when things don't go the way I want them to, lol
"Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." 9|1|Shelly, see in side|Ranalt|ainebailey@gmail.com|10:13:41|06/21/2012|
Shelley,
Family ties are strong and I can see how torn you are over this.
I believe that you should live with your family in Kansas City. Haley has friends there and it has been her home for a long time and it really isn't fair to have her make this huge decision. Plus, John can't come out for two years. Seems like a lot of sacrifice on these two. In the mean time, you do go down for two months every year to help as much as you can. Question, When John can move in two years, is he willing to move with you and Haley then to West Virginia? If yes, why not buy the house now, and whenever you you
go to visit your family, you have your own house there, plus when/if you move there in two years,
you already will have a house waiting there for you. Also, two years allows you to get everything in order for your move.
I know how tough this decision is, especially why you are there. Please think objectively on it with the viewpoints of everyone involved.
I will keep you in my prayers.
Life is like a cup of tea,
It's all in how you make it.
Lisa
10|2|I'm so sorry you're face with this decision Shelly|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|11:53:24|06/21/2012|
I think you've gotten some really wise advice here, and I hope you can find some peace soon with a direction to take. I thought some of the ideas of renting a house or just traveling more to your parents were very valid choices. I totally understand wanting to be there for your folks - I think you can do that without actually having to pick up and leave your current home though.
Praying you get peace and have that "lightbulb" moment where it's all very clear to you.
Lauren 11|3|I'm so sorry you have to make this decision|maddysmom|scarlett13@new.rr.com|16:41:16|06/21/2012|
I'm sorry you have to make such a difficult decision. Try imagining it's 20 years in the future and Haley was faced with the exact same decision. What would you want her to do? 12|4|thank you my wise and caring friends..I appreciate the input..|shellysmsmo|jpksms@sbcglobal.net|15:26:22|06/22/2012|
I'm still not sure what is going on....still in the thought process. But wanted
to thank all of those that posted and the nice emails I got...I really do appreciate
your kindness.
13|1|Whatever you choose Shelly, I wish you the best girlie (((HUGS)))~*~|RebekkaVA|queen_vulture@msn.com|17:12:58|06/22/2012|
~*~REBEKKA~*~
a.k.a. "Queen Vulture"
Married to my Soul Mate William
"My husband has cancer, Please pray for him"
Mommy to:
Timothy 5/80
Matthew 10/92
Cheyenne 9/99
Grandmother to Alayna 3/10
*EMAIL*: queen_vulture@msn.com
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14|2|I completely understand what you are going through on so many levels|petunia1|sweetpea39@comcast.net|19:23:40|06/22/2012|
in the end you have to decide what is best for your family and find peace in your decision
I am the only one from my family to live away from our home town. I have been driving 2 hours both ways (4 hours total)on my days off this past year to help take care of our mother. at one point the home across the road from her was for sale. I really considered buying it and driving less. My mother (in her wisdom) said, you have your own family to take care of. you need to be with them. It is hard when your parent is sick, however, I truely believe you are doing what you can to help out. Feel Blessed you are able to spend long amounts of time with your father. Find peace in knowing you did the best you could and cared for him. we have siblings who do not help out and 1 who shows up every so often. we do the best we can.
I pray you make the best decision for you and your family. YOU ARE A GOOD DAUGHTER !
p.s. if we didnt have our moods we would be boring...LOL.. 15|3|awww you guys all mean so much to me..HUGS..thank you|shellysmsmo|jpksms@sbcglobal.net|20:15:31|06/22/2012|
I really am glad i have such great online friends..you guys are the best!! 16|4|I've always told you ,you are a lucky woman!!|angNC|memawang@nc.rr.com|00:19:50|06/23/2012|
you are a good daughter with a great husband. Love ya!! 17|5|I would not move....|KellyJef|burke3536@yahoo.com|11:46:52|06/26/2012|
away from my husband. As much as you are torn between your parents and your husband, I believe that a wife belongs with her husband. Since your parents have other family members to help them, they are not alone.