Posted on Mar-15-12 at 12:02 PM (Eastern) by 166.216.226.95
I have a 17 year old step grandson. At Christmas my husband and I gave him $100. I had asked my daughter what he wanted for Christmas and she told me money because he was saving up to buy a used car. Neither me or my husband work so this $100 was alot for us to give. He wasnt able to come over for Christmas so we put it in a gift bag with a few other small items and my daughter gave it to him the next day. He has never even acknowledged nor thanked us for this money. My daughter makes excuses for his dis-respectful behavior saying hes been working or that shes told him he should thank us but he never gets around to it. We even went out to lunch with them in January and he had the oppertunity then to mention at least something to us but didnt say a thing. We are not distant grandparents so thats not an excuse. His father has never liked to disapline him in fact, he is the same way and never says a thank you either. MY QUESTION IS: My grandson's birthday and high school graduation is coming up and id normally give him money. We will also be invited to a party for him. I honestly dont feel like going now and also not wanting to give him money. What should i do or how should i handle this?
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1|1|whew...well....|cinda68|lacinda68@gmail.com|12:25:50|03/15/2012|
A similar situation has happened to me with a nephew and I haven't given him a thing since. I also told him exactly why, because you don't appreciate anything, I won't be wasting my time or money giving to you again. Of course, I am the evil aunt now but no matter, I won't pander to him like his Mom does. I didn't coddle my kids either, not about to do so with other kids.
A lot of kids today aren't taught to say "thank you" verbally or via a note. You already know this, but teaching them to be kind and say thank you is something taught very early on...and by the time they are teens, it is probably way too late to teach them. I don't know.
If it were me, I would send an empty card with an appropriate note: "I would have been glad to send some money with this card but you never thanked me for the last one". Maybe a wake-up call and pointing out the obvious is far more valuable than money, just my 2 cents. 2|2|I have had this happen in my family and I stopped giving any gifts ( no ty note for a $300 cash wedding gift ?). I send a card and that is all....I don't think I would say anything about no TY from the last time unless I was specifically asked why no gift....and I can't imagine anybody doing that. . |suezz|clearys@comcast.net|13:01:43|03/15/2012|
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3|1|This brongs me to this other thing...|destiny|destinyroger@yahoo.com|13:09:13|03/15/2012|
Posted on Mar-15-12 at 01:09 PM (Eastern) by 166.216.226.86
Brings lol
For the past few years, he has given them a lot of trouble with school. Ditching class, getting bad grades, doing things behind their backs... Just recently he was grounded and suspended for ditching class yet again. Does this warrent a graduation party or a gift? I wouldnt term this a celebration at all. What am i suppose to say? That im proud of him? Im not. I love him and care about him, but i dont think he deserves a gift.
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4|2|He might solve the problem by NOT graduating. I don;t think too many places are graduating kids who don't have the credits / grades or attendance hours.|suezz|clearys@comcast.net|13:16:00|03/15/2012|
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5|1|I'd give him a box of Thank You notes as a graduation gift...then maybe he would use them to thank the other guests who do give him cash gifts.....of course, I'm not subtle either, so I'd write a note in there like "I thought you could use these to thank those that honored you with a graduation gift. The lack of acknowledgement for the cash Christmas gift we sent led me to think you may not have had some Thank you cards on hand"...|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|13:49:36|03/15/2012|
" You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless it was mailed."
8|2|Joy that is perfect! lol|cinda68|lacinda68@gmail.com|14:40:15|03/15/2012|
a box of thank you cards for the gift! perfect! 17|2|saint6811 That's a good one! You really made me laugh!|missy|lovetotrade@hotmail.com|19:40:53|03/15/2012|
But, it is NO laughing matter. This new generation have been SO spoiled, that virtually nothing prompts them to use Thank You. Sadly, it has now affected even my own adult "kids" who are in their forties: they stick up for THEIR kids not having any manners. And believe me, THEY were not brought up that way!
Kathryn 24|2|Yes! Good one Joy! :)|maraj|maraj64@hotmail.com|20:45:54|03/15/2012|
Smile... it makes people wonder what you're up to!
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6|1|I think Joys idea is a good one. My brother in law, and his ex bun baker of a wife, never taught their kids any manners what so ever. Not that the parents have any(no thank you for their wedding gift from us). I am so done, with buying anything for those kids.|dlpavitt|dlpavitt@att.net|13:59:28|03/15/2012|
If you are a HONEST trader, there is nothing to fear in having a feedback link. If you do not have one, please set one up, BEFORE contacting me for a trade. If you insist on not having a feedback link, please do not contact me to trade. Feedback links protect all of us, on RS. Thanks for understanding. Donna 7|1|I would have asked him about it right away......|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|14:24:48|03/15/2012|
and said, I wasn't sure if you liked it or recieved it or whatever, because I didn't hear anything from you. Parents are not teaching their kids that thank yous are important and really the parents are the ones to blame. If I wanted to continue a relationship, I wouldn't stop acknowledging his special days but don't think I would be giving him money.
Now as far as messing up at school and sliding by to graduate, but still recieving a special party, I am so against that. It just rewards bad behavior. If you feel the need, give him something practical, that will move him in the right direction.
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I think it is pure hateful, not manners these day. 10|3|LIZ, I THINK YOU ANSWERED YOUR OWN QUESTION|Heyushell|heyushell@aol.com|15:34:05|03/15/2012|
Does this warrent a graduation party or a gift? I wouldnt term this a celebration at all. What am i suppose to say? That im proud of him? Im not. I love him and care about him, but i dont think he deserves a gift.
OH AND BTW DID HE EVER GET THAT CAR HE WAS SAVING FOR?
TUFF LOVE IS A VERY HARD THING BUT "SOMEONE" HAS TO BE THE BAD GUY
OH & YES...WHAT JOY SAID!!!
*~~Im Just A "Pantiless Hag" who Loves RS BUT Can Do Without The BS~~*
*~~If Your A "Wine Salesman" And Have Wine Tags....I Wanna Marry You~~* 11|1|First of all...|destiny|destinyroger@yahoo.com|15:53:38|03/15/2012|
Thank you everyone for your replies. I really appreciately all of what youv said. Even though hes my step grandson, my daughter married his dad when he was just 4 yrs old so i never think of him as my "step". The problem lies with his dad who never was taught curticy either and my daughter has always been put in a spot where she felt she had her hands tied as to his disapline. I told her she had every right as his step mom, to teach him right from wrong. I reminded her that she and her siblings were taught to be respectful, considerate, and to say please and thank you. I quit giving gifts to my nephew for this same reason.
Jacob only had one or two classes this year to make his graduation requirements so it really irks me that just a few months before his graduation, he screws up like this. My daughter has done all she could but her husband wont do a thing..
Anyway, i have decided to just give him a card and if need be, ill tell him i dont have any money to give him. And, iv decided that my son in law isnt going to get any money for his birthday either. He has never thanked me all these years. I deserve to be treated better.
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19|2|Right on, Destiny! To use an old expression! lol|missy|lovetotrade@hotmail.com|19:56:34|03/15/2012|
I am sure there are some wonderful exceptions, but, in general nowadays, the kids just DON'T CARE. They have everything handed to them "on a silver platter".
Years ago I asked one of my grandsons if he would help me with some small chore. His reply was "how much are you going to PAY me"?
Heaven help this ungrateful and spoiled rotten generation! God bless the ones who DO care and show it! Bravo to them!!
Kathryn 12|1|My boys graduate in May....you can bet your bootie, I'll be right there standing over them if I have to while they write out thank you cards...within the week after their party too!|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|15:54:43|03/15/2012|
" You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless it was mailed."
20|2|Good for you saint! You are not taking the easy way out, like so many parents these days. And they will be better men for it!|missy|lovetotrade@hotmail.com|19:58:59|03/15/2012|
Congrats to them on their graduation!! 13|1|His disipline|destiny|destinyroger@yahoo.com|16:13:19|03/15/2012|
It has been a constant fight between my daughter and her husband. He has pretty much been an absent husband and dad in my opinion. She tried to disipline Jacob as best she felt allowed to while her husband sat on the couch with the remote all these years. One of the things hed always say is that it was Jacob's decision to do this and that. I told him once "no, YOU are the father". Whenever i would babysit Jacob when he was little, his dad would tell me that if he didnt want to do something, he didnt have to. As you can imagine, i didnt end up babysitting him much. When he was with my daughter, he seemed to mind pretty good but i guess he knew how much further he could go with his dad.
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14|2|That does make it tough.....parents have to be on board with each other, maybe not in total agreement with specific disciplinary actions, etc, but to present a united front to the kids at the very least...and my DH is not the boys' bio father, but he's been there for them their entire lives, so you can bet he has the same responsibility, and therefore 'rights' in our house as I do....|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|16:57:53|03/15/2012|
" You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless it was mailed."
15|1|So many people are like this nowadays....It even irks me when the kids have sleepovers.....|hudge4|hudge95@yahoo.com|18:29:48|03/15/2012|
and no one, not even the moms, will say thank you. For a while, my daughter had a couple of girls stay over frequently. Hardly ever would they say thanks when they left, in fact, running out the door when their moms would come. I would go out of my way when they were here. YES, I guess I didn't have to but I wanted to be nice. I was brought up that you show appreciation when someone does something for you-whether you asked for the kindness or not. That's irrelavent. You had to awknowledge the thought. Sometimes when they were over we'd get pizza or go to the mall and I'd spring for dinner for everyone. Then they'd stay up wayyyy late-like 2am-laughing and watching movies. I'd tell them to keep it down, which I don't think is an unreasonable request at 2am, and they wouldn't. Good thing my dd isn't friends with them anymore. They were treading on thin ice with me when they all had a falling out so they quit being friends. Good cuz that stuff really irked me.
But, yeah, about your grandson....No appreciation. They act like you owe them or something. As for a grad party and gifts, no way. He should not be rewarded for his behaviour. He didn't earn a party or gifts in my opinion. If your daughter asks you why, I'd tell her the truth-no beating around the bush. Don't give them an excuse that you can't afford it. That only gives the impression that you wanted to. You can politely tell her the reason.
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16|2|HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM IN OUR FAMILY|JOYHAPPYONE|DAIDOLA5@AOL.COM|18:56:10|03/15/2012|
2 STEP GRANDSONS OFF THE GIFT LIST, THEN THEIR MOTHER.......AND NOW IT SEEMS MY OWN SON, HER HUSBAND HAS CAUGHT IT...THE OTHER GRANDPARENTS HAVE THOSE TWO BOYS AND THEIR OWN DAUGHTER SO SPOILED IT REALLY IS SICKENING......AND WE HAVE HELPED THEM IN THE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS....BUT WE ARE NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH FOR A THANK YOU.....SO BYE, BYE, BIRDIES
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21|3|EXACTLY! Good for you Joy. There is such a thing as emotional Parent Abuse!|missy|lovetotrade@hotmail.com|20:03:45|03/15/2012|
We can't let them just walk all over us, and break our hearts in the process. 23|2|It's the generation of "entitlement", & it's NOT a good thing. :(|maraj|maraj64@hotmail.com|20:33:54|03/15/2012|
Sad to say, I think appreciation & manners/politeness has packed up & headed down the road w/common sense.
I see it around here & I have a hard time w/it cuz I was also taught to appreciate things & give thanks for what I received, whether I asked for them or not. But the ones around here who can't say or send a Thank You don't get a "next time" chance.
After my son's graduation party, I gave him a stack of Thank You cards & a list of everyone who had given him gifts, along w/their NAZ's, & he was told, not asked, to get to work on the Thank You cards. I gave him a month to do it & was surprised he got them all done w/in a week.
When I called to reserve the hall for his grad party, it was about 5-6 mos. ahead of time. I was nervous so wanted to be prepped well in advance. The guy I talked to was laughing cuz I called so far in advance, & he jokingly asked me, "What if he doesn't graduate"? I said then it will be a going-away party!
Smile... it makes people wonder what you're up to!
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25|3|There was an article today on MSN about how Americans are less polite these days.....I believe it! |saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|20:58:04|03/15/2012|
" You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless it was mailed."
18|1|Hi destiny: not too long ago, I posted something of this nature, because I was SO hurt and confused|missy|lovetotrade@hotmail.com|19:48:31|03/15/2012|
by the apparent lack of ANY gratitude, both real and expressed. Every year it was getting worse and worse. But then I re-married, and my new husband simply said that I shouldn't even TRY anymore, since they don't deserve it, and certainly don't appreciate it. I know that is hard: WE were not brought up to act this way, and neither were OUR kids! But now I have finally stopped even sending the cards. For good! I sent my granddaughter a special Happy 16th birthday card, with a gift inside, this month, and heard nothing. So, that's it! I am tired of beating my head against the wall. But, I sure don't feel good about it:(
HTH!
Kathryn 22|2| I've been through this many times|qponlady|qponlady@ptd.net|20:31:09|03/15/2012|
I always raised my daughter to treat other as you would want to be treated.
And always acknowledge when you are given a gift no matter how small
it may be. Well, my daughter must have forgot what I taught her ,she never
acknowleged when I sent a gift to my grandchildren or her. I'd have to ask her did
they get it. I did this for several years, never getting a card or call or gift thanking me.
Well, now I drew the line. We don't talk at all. It hurt for a long time to have mothers day
or my birthday come up and never get a call or even a card never mind the gift. So, now she
decided to punish me by not allowing me to see my grandchildren. The kids of today are selfish
and feel we owe them something. Well, as my mother always said every dog gets there day. And yes
even my daughter will get hers some day. I may not be around to see it but it will happen.
I also had nieces and nephews not acknowledge when I sent them something. I can understand if there
under 10 years of age that the mother will call for them but after that they should have no trouble at least
calling you thank you. Now a days kids 10 years and older have there own cell phone. There is no reason they
cannot contact and thank the person in my opinion. Do, what that girl said send a package of thank you cards
and with a note. I wouldn't even attend the party. Good Luck.
Carol
26|1|Listen to THIS!|destiny|destinyroger@yahoo.com|21:04:52|03/15/2012|
I have to get out the door in a minute so will leave a better comment on all this later but i just have to tell you this... My sister in law only has use of one hand yet she crochets beautifully. It took her months to crochet a beautiful baby blanket for our niece's baby. Sent it in the mail to her. Its probably been two or three years now and she has never said a thank you or anything to my sister in law. She even called up my brother and asked if the niece got the blanket. My brother said, "yes she did. Thank you." THAT is totally unacceptable!
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27|1|The nephew|destiny|destinyroger@yahoo.com|21:27:27|03/15/2012|
The nephew i quit giving gifts to, would only call "to ask how i was doing" only before his birthday and Christmas. Never thanked me, never gave me gifts... I quit giving two years ago. Last year i never got a phone call asking how im doing.
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28|2|WE DIDN'T EVEN GET A CALL AT CHRISTMAS FROM THESE SO AND SO'S....NO MERRY CHRISTMAS OR THANK YOU....NEW YEARS EITHER|JOYHAPPYONE|DAIDOLA5@AOL.COM|14:56:20|03/16/2012|
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IF YOU DON'T HEAR IT WITH YOUR OWN EARS, OR SEE IT WITH YOUR OWN EYES, DON'T INVENT IT WITH YOUR SMALL BRAIN AND SHARE IT WITH YOUR BIG MOUTH
29|3|I JUST DUMPED HIM OFF MY FACEBOOK......HE WON'T EVEN KNOW HIS BROTHER IS COMING DOWN IN JUNE UNLESS HE DOES CALL HAD HE HASN'T SEEN HIM FOR 3 YEARS. DUMB SOMETHING OR ANOTHER|JOYHAPPYONE|DAIDOLA5@AOL.COM|14:57:58|03/16/2012|
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IF YOU DON'T HEAR IT WITH YOUR OWN EARS, OR SEE IT WITH YOUR OWN EYES, DON'T INVENT IT WITH YOUR SMALL BRAIN AND SHARE IT WITH YOUR BIG MOUTH
30|1|couple thoughts on the thoughtless grandson|needadeal|ludlow79@aol.com|15:36:49|03/16/2012|
I think I would get a graduation card and write a note inside something to the effect of:
Now that you have reached a major milestone in your life, we wish you future happiness. At Christmas we gave you 100.00 toward your car and hope that you're close to your goal as we realize the value of this achievement and hope our assistance was helpful or something so that you could get the message in there as a reminder.
Then, I'd give a check for 5.00 or 10.00. Even though he was rude and ungreatful, I wouldn't want to cause hard feeling with my daughter. From this point on, I'd only give 5.00 per occasion.
just my thoughts.
Hope it all works out.
31|1|I dont want to|destiny|destinyroger@yahoo.com|21:42:23|03/16/2012|
Posted on Mar-16-12 at 09:42 PM (Eastern) by 166.216.226.53
I dont want to create any hard feelings or a wall between us... But i also deserve to be treated appropriately so therefore, a card and a reminder that we gave him $100 towards his car will be all hes getting for his bd. I dont think he deserves anything if he graduates and for Christmas this year i might spent $25 or so if that, right now i dont feel like giving him anything... but never again, $100
And as for my son in law, im not going to even acknowledge his birthday at all.
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