Okay, I've had this bottled in for a little bit...and have literally no one I can talk to about this....
My dh and I have been married for about eight years....together for about 10.....
Lately, I just feel like we are living two separate lives.....I was really looking forward to today....the one day we'd really have off together where we didn't have to do anything.....he spent the majority of it downstairs in the media room, then went upstairs to read and fell asleep.....
I asked if he wanted to go for a walk with me...or do something......
I can't bring this up with him....he'll get defensive....I'm lonely. Tired.
Earlier today, he said we should use one of our gift cards to go out to dinner this Thursday night while his mom is still in the state to watch Olivia.....my heart just isn't into it.....with us living like this, I feel like strangers.....and I'm tired of being the only one trying to initiate communication.
Don't get me wrong, my dh does alot...he helps with the house, laundry.....but I just don't feel like we're a couple anymore....
I'm not interested in anyone else...but I just don't know what to do anymore....I know I've gained a few pounds (fifteen to be exact since we've married)...but really, I'm no slouch....I'm a hard worker and a good mom...I just feel like he's lost all interest in me.
Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.....here's hoping the new year is better :) 1|1|maybe you|tarasdream|jumpwoman23@hotmail.com |01:25:26|12/27/2011|
could get all dressed up and go out and try to have a good time. you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. are you sure you are not going thru a bout of depression? maybe you should talk to your doctor and see if he can help. 2|1|CYE!|cashcoll|cashcoll@yahoo.com|03:24:49|12/27/2011|
Have a Great Day!
*********************************
GO HOGS GO!!
Woooooooooo, Pig! Sooiee!
3|1|i know that feeling quite well !!! after 18 years i want out but i can't no means to get out i have to think about the boys and the cats |lydzkydz|lydzmcss@yahoo.com|00:13:02|12/28/2011|
hope it all works out for you
please include your user name on refundsweepers.
i appreciate all the trades made in the past.
THANKS!! 4|2|oh, no, I'm so sorry to hear that.......|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|07:43:36|12/28/2011|
I don't quite feel like that...and that's one of the reasons I want to work on our communication so I don't get to that point.
I took this week off from work and have been enjoying just having the time off.....I know there are things I can work on too....so I'm taking this opportunity to make some nice dinners and go that extra mile so that my dh can see that I'm trying too.....
Yesterday he was so surprised to see the dinner I cooked...tangy crock pot pork loin with whipped sour cream potatoes and fresh steamed broccoli followed by apple pie and whip cream for dessert.
I just think with both of our schedules, the kids, the household we need to find that time to talk.....and he's been making a better effort since we talked.
Thank you for letting me get this off my chest... 5|1|Kelly, I think you did the right thing in recognizing the beginning of a 'chasm' between you, and talking about it with your DH....my Dh and I have been married 18 yrs, and there was a time around our 8 or 10 yr mark when we started to polarize in our roles as mom/dad, or even as cohabitants of the house.....we too recognized we were becoming almost too comfortable in our relationship and were heading towards being 'roommates' and not spouses, lol :) It takes effort to keep the relationship 'fresh' and make it the priority, especially as years go on. |saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|08:29:51|12/28/2011|
" You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless it was mailed."
6|1|my opinion|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|11:09:12|12/28/2011|
>Posted on Dec-26-11 at 09:25 PM (Eastern)
>by 64.12.116.68
>Earlier today, he said we should use
>one of our gift cards to
>go out to dinner this Thursday
>night while his mom is still
>in the state to watch Olivia.....my
>heart just isn't into it.....with us
>living like this, I feel like
>strangers.....and I'm tired of being the
>only one trying to initiate communication.
Hi Kelly, I understand your frustration and tiredness, however I pulled one thing from all you wrote that truly stood out to me. It's the above quote. It seems to me that you aren't taking full advantage of what he's offering............... you said you wanted to do something the other day and basically he didn't, now he wants to do something on Thursday and you don't. A relationship is a 2 person deal. Both of you have to give and take at the same rate for it to work. I'd suggest you go out on Thrusday, maybe, just maybe, it'll turn out to be everything you could hope it to be. And perhaps it'll be enough to keep the embers burning a while longer and give you the strength to talk to him. GL!
Ps... I know I don't know you on a personal level and I hope by writing what I think I haven't overstepped any boundaries you may have. 7|2|there are thousands of couples....|KellyJef|burke3536@yahoo.com|11:33:21|12/28/2011|
who are living more like room mates/friends than happily married couples. And many of them are perfectly fine doing that. DH and I are in our mid-60's and we consider ourselves "happily married", but I sometimes think about how it "used to be" and wish it was still "like that" but I accept that, for many reasons, it can never be "like that" again :(
8|3|I can appreciate that ---|whitmarg|robin@whitmannet.com|12:13:43|12/28/2011|
.. 9|2|I agree with Jackie..that was the same thing I was thinking......|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|12:26:01|12/28/2011|
take every opportunity that comes your way to get closer, even when you are not feeling it. Couples are either moving closer or moving farther away. Marriage is not easy, it is a work in progress. So many things pull us in so many directions.
************
They are my DH's grandparents and they have been married for something like 70 years now (I can't recall the exact number, but I think they actually passed 70) and I have spent a lot of time talking to them about relationships and how to make them work. They have told me that neither of them look at their relationship as ever being 50/50. Both are always ready to give more than that and because of that and because they have such a strong underlying friendship, their love is still so strong! They are always holding hands and at family gatherings Granny will check in with Grandpa and ask him if he needs anything or if he is doing ok and vice versa. Even after all of those years they still take care of each other.
I know that sometimes it is hard to meet a spouse half way and for me it is easier for me to see his faults than his strengths sometimes, but remember that we are all works in progress. Go out to dinner with him! Have a great time together and I bet you'll come home feeling a lot better! 11|4|Thank you all so very much....from the bottom of my heart....|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|21:30:57|12/28/2011|
all your advice means so much to me.
We will take this Thursday and go to one of our favorite old restaurants. I just came back from the store and purchased a new sexy outfit with beautiful heels.....
Thank you all again! I'll let you know how it went :)