Link is below but will copy and paste article here as well:
Column: Free Press employees suspended for coupon theft
Comments 0
September 08, 2011 12:00 AM
Jon Dawson
Columnist
In a statement issued by The Free Press on Wednesday, personnel director Billy Corgan confirmed what many Free Press customers have suspected for years.
“After a month-long internal audit, we have determined that several Free Press employees have been hoarding coupons for themselves. The investigation was initiated after several customers complained they weren’t receiving coupons to local restaurants, clothing stores and adult film outlets,” Corgan said. “We are disturbed by the behavior of our staff and we most humbly apologize to our customers.”
Of the current 35 Free Press employees, 31 have been charged with misdemeanor misappropriation of promotional periodicals. Of the remaining four, three are currently serving time at correctional facilities out of state, and the fourth — Free Press Publisher Patrick Holmes — is on a leave of absence investigating charges of wool-gouging at his spandex plant in Equatorial Guinea.
“Not only did this happen on my watch, I was involved,” said a dyspeptic Bryan Hanks as he wrenched his recently-handcuffed wrists. “It started out innocently enough; a few of us would come in on Saturday afternoons and riffle through the coupons in the hopes of getting a deal on an entrée or a pack of support hosiery.
“Eventually reporter Justin Hill and I started selling the coupons to our co-workers; after a while, they got tired of paying and threatened to beat us up if we didn’t hand them over.”