I don't know how many times I have to tell my mom and Jeromys mom what WE want when the baby comes before they will stop trying to make plans in their own minds!!!
If all goes as planned we will have a planned c-section w/ Timothy. I will be in the hospital for 4 days and then home. Jeromy will not have time off so we wanted to plan the visits around his work schedule. He works m-f so I want the first visit to be Sunday after we come home.
When my mom was her she mentioned to Jeromy that she wanted to be here for the birth. I had already told her that I didn't want anyone to visit until I came home. MAINLY I WANT THE TIME IN THE HOSPITAL TO REST! I WILL HAVE NURSES TO TAKE THE BABY IF I WANT AND I WONT FEEL THE NEED TO ENTERTAIN! ALSO I WONT HAVE PEOPLE JUST SITTING THERE WATCHING ME!
He told her things would be to crazy and to visit when we get home.
Now I have had this same basic conversation with J's mom a few times now. She called me this afternoon drunk (she is an alcoholic)and yet again said she would be here when the baby arrives. ARGHHHH!! I restated our wishes but that didn't stop any talk of being here when he is born.
Now my mom will only be able to come for a few days. She just can not afford to be away from work much longer. J's mom is a house wife and can be gone as long as she wants. She is talking about coming for 2 WEEKS! Now if he is going to be here THAT long she is going to have to wait until after my mom visits. My mom should have to wait until he is 3 and a half weeks old before she gets to see him because his other grandma wants to stay that long.
Am I being unfair? I know they are excited about having a new grand child, but don't our wishes count for ANYTHING???
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1|1|Simply don't tell them when you have the c section planned lol|Kristy|mi3zons1@yahoo.com|20:57:21|09/03/2010|
"Women should not have children after 35. Thirty-five children are enough." - anonymous (Only 28 to GO!) 2|1|calm down sweetie (M)|gwens29|gwen41539@bellsouth.net|21:34:58|09/03/2010|
A new baby is always exciting and u will have people visit u that u hardly know or at least i did... u can ask them not to and ask j to talk to his mom if she was drunk maybe she forgot and if 2 weeks is too long explain to her that u need bonding time alone with the baby im telling u now that a c-section isnt a cake walk i had one with my last one and id rather have one the natural way lol but due to the complications and such its best u to have a c-section I feel for u i really do i hate to see u this stressed out and upset over a very joyous ocassion hang in there and make your self heard and if u dont want company at the hospital tell the nurse station u arent accepting visitors that u arent feeling well which wont be a lie..my prayers and thought are with you
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5|2|Drunk or not she keeps saying the same thing. Because everyone is so far away we will only have visitors when I want them, even in the hospital. My friend here are pretty good at giving space when needed/wanted. We just have to put our foot down.|RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|12:17:38|09/04/2010|
Jeromys dad will understand and help with his mom. And I told mine flat out how I felt yesterday when I was frustrated w/ J's mom, so i don't think she will be an issue. If she mkes more comments I will just remind here yet again of what we want/need.
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3|1|I agree with Joy -- don't tell them when you are scheduled|whitmarg|robin@whitmannet.com|11:00:08|09/04/2010|
I agree with you -- that time is your's and Jeromy's to get to bond with Timothy. You hold the strings here. I wouldn't call the moms until a day or two after Timothy is born and that way you KNOW you'll have a couple days of peace. I know it sounds mean, but you know what... you can't redo this time. Do it the way YOU want to. 4|2|With Kristy? LoL Not telling them is not an option. |RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|12:13:50|09/04/2010|
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6|3|Ooh.. well that's what we did. We just didn't call anyone when we went to the hospital. We called when adn if we wanted to see them.|Kristy|mi3zons1@yahoo.com|15:10:14|09/04/2010|
"Women should not have children after 35. Thirty-five children are enough." - anonymous (Only 28 to GO!) 7|4|SInce ours will be planned they will be upset if we didn't tell them ahead of time. That would both moms feelings. And if we didn't tell them and then I was in the hospital for 4 days they would call and I wont lie to them about where I am. Just not an option.|RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|18:10:13|09/04/2010|
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8|5|I planned when I had most of mine but if family refuse to respect boundaries then I refuse to call them and tell them when.|Kristy|mi3zons1@yahoo.com|18:21:42|09/04/2010|
"Women should not have children after 35. Thirty-five children are enough." - anonymous (Only 28 to GO!) 9|6|We are lucky that they will not just show up from Iowa and California. They are just going to have to deal with how we want things. |RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|18:32:42|09/04/2010|
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10|7|my 1st was a c-section; TRY to get help when you are sent home|sneakers1234|ross417@msn.com|21:55:55|09/04/2010|
You won't be able to lift him from the crib; and to take a shower you will want to put him in a bouncy seat or something in the shower; then you won't be able to lift your legs over the tub.
A c-section is rather difficult ( I was 31)-- the nerves/muscles are cut; seriously, if your DH can't be there when you get home, say ok to your mom-- the thought may irritate you now, but it is really good to have someone to bring you the baby to nurse, etc.
My 2nd was natural. what a HUGE difference, went shopping the day we came home-- with the c-section, you can't drive!!! 24|8|If they come how we want them to come I will have help. If they all come (traveling from other states) at once I wont have help as long as I can. I wont be alone if things go as we would like them to. Also,|RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|10:21:38|09/05/2010|
in the past 2 years alone I have had operations in the same area that were way more severe (according to my OBGYN) then what I will be going through this time and he said this will be easier then those.... SO I have an idea of what I am in for and what to expect.
I just wonder if this one will leave me like the 2nd to the last one (I have had 8) I had... I would move my big toe and my stomach would hurt.
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26|3|oops, yeah, Kristy -- duh!!|whitmarg|robin@whitmannet.com|21:19:01|09/05/2010|
.. 11|1|Robin, is this Jeremy's first child too?|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|08:55:56|09/05/2010|
I really think you need to take into consideration the fact that his family and your family WANT to be a part of this. I know you don't want a lot of people around but the fact is you ARE going to need help. And what harm does it do to have visitors in the hospital? Why don't you want anyone to come see the baby? When PJ was born we had TONS of visitors........ well, actually, PJ had tons of visitors. I think he met more people through the glass of the nursery that day than he has met in his whole life! LOL Most of the visitors just popped in to say "hi" and ask if I needed anything and congratulate us on our new arrival. It's not like they stayed for hours on end or anything. If this is Jeremy's 1st child as well, the two of you might need to reevaluate the visitation "rights" while you are in the hospital. I mean just think about it.......... where would YOU want to be when Timothy's wife has HER first child? Just saying............... GL hun, I wish you the best! :)
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12|2|Yes. They will be around but when we come home. His parents have 4 grand kids and mine have 2. We need them around when we come home, not when we are still in the hospital. I really do not want extra people with me in the hospital and our first day home. I want that to be my new familys time together and Jeromy feels the same way.|RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|09:06:48|09/05/2010|
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13|2|They wouldnt just be visiting the hospital. They will all be coming from other states and want to be with us the whole time. I want time for us to bond with our baby without everyone else trying to take him away.|RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|09:08:41|09/05/2010|
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15|3|I hear ya Robin..............|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|09:19:57|09/05/2010|
You want time to bond with your baby. That's AWESOME! I was just trying to help. :)
One thing my husband remembered that ya'll may not know about and that I had forgotten about until he brought it up is you might want to consider having someone who can come to the hospital to stay with you while HE gets rest. Patrick was up for 3 days straight and my dad came to "relieve" him and he went home to sleep and shower and all. We were not afforded an extra bed/cot and the one I was in was way to small for the 3 of us. It wasn't that I said Patrick couldn't leave or anything, it was that HE felt better having someone else there while he needed to be away.
Just something to think about.
Oh! And my suggestion for the mom's is since your mom has a limited availability to be off work have her come 1st and Jeromy's mom come after. That's what I would do. HTH :)
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19|4|I plan on having my mom come first. I dont think it would be fair for J's preants to come for 2 weeks and my mom have to wait so long when she will only be able to come for a few days. Jeromy agrees with me on this.|RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|09:32:14|09/05/2010|
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14|1|About help....|RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|09:17:22|09/05/2010|
A common response has been needing help. I will have help. IF family would undstand why I want things the way I do is so I WILL have help. I do not need extra help in the hospital or the first few days at home. I need help when Jeromy goes to work. I also do not need 2 grandma's and 1 grandpa in my 2 bedroom condo staring at me. I will be breast feeding so I will need to be with him very often. There is not going to be enough space or things to do for everyone... Esp since I am a VERY organized person and will have a lot of things around the house taken care of (between me, Jeromy and a close friend) before I go into the hospital.
If they come spread out I will have help longer then if they all come at once while I am still in the hospital.
This is the best way to have things for MY family. They say they understand, but when J's mom drinks she talks about coming right away. My mom went behind my back and made comments about being her when he is born to Jeromy when she was here. She is also jealous that my friend will be there when he is born to help us with whatever needed. She doesn't like this certain friend.
This is the best way for them to help us when we need to help. It is not like we are saying you have to wait a month or two... Almost a week for one and a week and a half for the other.
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16|2|..............|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|09:22:29|09/05/2010|
>Posted on Sep-05-10 at 09:17 AM (Eastern)
>by 24.20.40.237
>I do not need extra help
>in the hospital or the first
>few days at home.
Oh Robin, I must tell you........ I COMPLETELY disagree with you on that note. You WILL need help the first few days at home by yourself. Unless I'm misunderstanding something......... won't Jeromy have to go back to work immediately? does he have some time off? Just trying to get the facts straight. :) 17|3|Noo.... I will NOT be alone... This is what I keep saying JEROMY will be with ME. I dont know how i keep leaving that unclear to people. |RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|09:28:34|09/05/2010|
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18|3|We have been talking to the dr. Planning on doing this on a mom or tues and coming home th or fri. He will take off friday and does not work weekends. He will be with me. He will go back on Monday. THAT is when we want g-parents to come. Well sunday night.|RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|09:30:24|09/05/2010|
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20|4|ok gotcha............ I just misunderstood exactly when J was off that's all. Didn't mean to upset you. :)|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|09:35:57|09/05/2010|
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23|5|LoL You are not the only one. I guess i didn't make that clear. Having things go the way we are planning insures I will have help for the first few weeks we are home. Any other way and i may be stuck home alone for a few days here and there. |RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|10:17:38|09/05/2010|
This is what we are trying to get the g-parents to understand.
I know they want to see the baby right away, but we need there help.
J's parents take an average of 10 hours travel to get here from Iowa with all the transfers and what not and my mom 11 hours by car or 1.5 hours travel by air. No one is close enough to just pop by when we really need someone.
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21|4|one last quick question............ do you have someone prepared to come help the BOTH of you if need be?|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|09:37:45|09/05/2010|
Maybe your friend that you were talking about? If not I'd definitely get something set up JIC. ;) HTH
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22|5|I have 2 good friends that will come and help if needed. They can't be here all the time, but they will be able to help abit so he can go do what he needs to do. |RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|10:08:44|09/05/2010|
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25|1|Robin I totally get where you are coming from there would be nothing for the Moms to do while you are there at the hospital|teener|teenerzacsneenee@yahoo.com|10:22:04|09/05/2010|
but sit in your room and you are gonna want to rest when you can and not feel you need to entertain Just tell them that sunday night will be the earliest for company it would be nice to have back up ( a friend) incase you and J needs it but those first couple days you'll be fine with just you and J Timmy will be just one small baby it isn't like you are haveing quints lol lol go with your gut and your wish's I know it is hard getting that across to some family and you don't want to hurt feelings but in the end you J and Timmy are your family now and the others come in line behind them hugs oh for some reason the gift I sent today for you didn't come with the gift card option lol so I am not sure how you will know it is from me lol 27|2|On the other hand can you imagine how clean my condo would be??? LoL I will let you know if I get any mystery gifts lol|RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|21:29:07|09/05/2010|
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28|1|My thoughts and experience|pinchinpennies|pinchinmypennies@aol.com|08:29:17|09/06/2010|
Robin, I understand completely about wanting Mom's to come after you get home.
I don't have any experience with a c-section, but here are my thoughts/experience.
When I had my 1st son I was 22 years old. My now husband and I were living with my parents at the time. I did have my mom and grandmother with me for the delivery, because I felt better having them there. My mother in law was there also, her and I have never had a good relationship and I didn't want her there, and when she asked I said yes so as not to hurt feelings. It was the biggest mistake I could have made. So I say stick to your guns and just keep insisting to the mom's what you want. It needs to be what you feel good about.
I can say I understand completely about wanting the mom's after you come home. For me it was a bit different being that I lived with my mom, but I am so greatful I had her when I came home. My labor for my 1st son was 35 hours. Out of my 4 kids it was the only one that left me feeling the way I did, I was so sore and achy "in that region" for weeks. When I stood up and walked around it was almost like the feeling of labor all over again and I was sooo tired. My mom let me be a mom, but was there if I needed her help for anything, I could rest if I needed to, or have her help with the baby if I needed it, and ask advice if I wasn't sure about something. I was also kind of scared when I headed home from the hospital, just because this was my 1st baby and I really didn't know what to expect, so it was nice knowing my mom would be there and I wouldn't be alone.
I know the grandparents are excited about having a new baby in the family and of course that is natural, but I hope that your wishes will be respected, since after you come home is when you will really need the help and want someone with you :)