DO I HAVE TO WEAR BLACK?
I ONLY OWN ONE PAIR OF JEANS - THEY ARE LIGHT COLORED.
I DONT OWN A DRESS.
I DO HAVE A BLACK SHIRT WITH LITTLE FLOWERS ON IT
I DONT HAVE BLACK SHOES OR DRESS SHOES JUST A PAIR OF TAN CROC LIKE SHOES.
I DONT HAVE MANY CLOTHES SINCE DOUBLE MASTECTOMY/CHEMO, DONATED MOST OF THEM SINCE I EITHER COULD NOT WEAR THEM ANY LONGER DUE TO WEIGHT LOSS ON TOP OR ON BOTTOM
I DONT HAVE EXTRA FUNDS TO PURCHASE ANYTHING.
DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE OKAY TO WEAR MY JEANS, TAN SHOES, AND BLACK SHIRT.
PS THIS IS FOR AN IMMEDIATE FAMILY MEMBER WHO PASSED AWAY UNEXPECTEDLY THIS WEEK. 1|1|MORE QUESTIONS INSIDE|tonyas30|tonyas30@hotmail.com|08:08:48|09/01/2010|
ALSO FAMILY ASKED FOR DONATIONS IN LIEU OF FLOWERS - I CANT REALLY AFFORD TO GIVE MUCH SO DO YOU THINK IT WOULD BE OKAY TO GIVE WHAT I CAN AFFORD?
AND IN DOING THIS, DO I JUST GIVE THEM THE SYMPATHY CARD I PURCHASED, AND PUT THE MONEY IN THAT AND GIVE IT TO THEM AFTER THE MEMORIAL SERVICE? 2|1|Of course it is. You are in neutrel colors and have come to show your respect to the deceased. You are fine.|suezz|clearys@comcast.net|08:09:07|09/01/2010|
Posted on Sep-01-10 at 08:09 AM (Eastern) by 71.192.110.4
Doing the card/donation as you described sounds like the proper way. If you are not sure if they have a special place to leave the card, ask one of the funeral directors. They are there to help everybody get through the process.
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******************************* 3|2|THANKS :o)|tonyas30|tonyas30@hotmail.com|08:13:45|09/01/2010|
I'VE BEEN WORRIED ABOUT IT ALL WEEK. 4|1|if you cant afford to donate just give a card |100651|ccammarano@comcast.net|08:31:17|09/01/2010|
carolyn 5|1|It's an old tradition to wear black to funerals - not a Law... |emerald9|brandaseider@yahoo.com|09:00:11|09/01/2010|
Tradition. The color black & funerals date back to England. Black represents dignity, respect, & spiritual reflection. In Asia they wear white!
Just go and offer what comfort you can to the bereaved family and friends - focus on giving comfort to others and you'll be less stressed about what you're wearing or not wearing, and the family and friends will appreciate you being there. Helping each other get through this difficult time - that's the important thing.
ETA: Did you know that wearing black at funerals was originally a ruse to escape the attention of evil spirits said to be lurking on such occasions?
6|1|Just wear what is comfort to you,,,,,,,|melpaul|Melpaul199@aol.com|09:51:48|09/01/2010|
Clothing is just a material thing be yourself. Its a time to get together and just be with family or friends Its your support to them and look at it this way--
Your there to celebrate there life think of all the good things good times what that person meant to all
Alot of the funerals today do that. Never feel bad or down about yourself!
7|2|They'll be thankful that you're there|mmlvr|b95farmmnger@aol.com|10:06:33|09/01/2010|
I'm going to funeral tonight and also, trying to decide what to wear. Most times I just wear jeans. 8|3|I have to agree wear what you have..(M)|kthy26|kthy26@yahoo.com|12:32:22|09/01/2010|
My brother passed away unexpected several years back and our family didnt care what you showed up in and my brother wouldnt of cared either and I am sure your family/loved ones feel the same way.
If you dont have extra funds, just give the sympathy card. When I have lost a friend/loved one/family member sometimes I dont send flowers and sometimes I do, sometimes I dont give money and sometimes I do but I do always give a sympathy card
God Bless
Kathy 9|1|Tonya, I agree with the ladies above....and I bet the family will never recall what you wore, just that you were there to show your love, concern and support of them in their time of sorrow. I am sorry for your family's loss, you will all be in my prayers....|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|12:53:12|09/01/2010|
" You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless it was mailed."
10|1|No one will remember your clothing, just that you were there!|brainyblonde|brainyblonde@prodigy.net|17:21:00|09/01/2010|
Debbie 11|2|I agree with Debbie, it's not what you wear, it's the thought of being there that counts (((HUGS)))~*~By the way I'm so sorry to hear of your loss|RebekkaVA|queen_vulture@msn.com|17:21:42|09/01/2010|
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12|1|If they are family, they should understand. Do you have a friend you can borrow from?|RobinsCrazyWorld|robinmarie72@gmail.com|17:32:51|09/01/2010|
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13|1|Tonya....check your email girlie|petunia1|sweetpea39@comcast.net|21:25:23|09/01/2010|
hugs 14|1|I agree about the clothing & card/donation.....|maraj|maraj64@hotmail.com|22:09:10|09/01/2010|
I've had my share of funerals to attend this summer & I wore tan khaki capris & a dark, flowered sleeveless top w/my tan sandals to a couple of them. It was SO hot/humid for most of the funerals & I believe some wore shorts & also sleeveless tops. I've never been a "dressy" type person anyway (I ABHORE pantyhose!), & the way I look at it, I'd rather people wear whatever simply makes them the most comfortable. Funerals aren't a pleasant experience to begin with, nobody wants to have to go to them, so being as comfortable as possible seems just logical to me.
When my dad passed away, I bought a flowered, black dress to wear. It was nice & seemed appropriate but I remember thinking, 'why am I even buying this' cuz I knew I'd never wear it again, & I haven't. But not only do I not remember what anyone else wore, I was so distraught & numb I don't even remember seeing/talking to alot of the people who came to his funeral. :( Just bits & pieces now & then. And my dad was a bib-overalls type person so that's what he was dressed in. Had he been dressed in a suit & tie, which he hated, I've no doubt he would've come back to haunt whoever brainstormed that idea. ;) And my dad had COPD so he couldn't stand flowers, & it sure didn't matter to us if a card was given w/out a monetary gift. It was reading the heart-touching words in some of the cards that mattered the most.
It's important to be there to pay your final respects & offer support & condolences to the deceased's loved ones, but I can honestly say I don't think anyone's going to pay much attention to what you wear. Maybe later on you can give a donation to a hospital, charity, church, library, food pantry, etc. in your immediate family member's memory that might have been special to him/her. One of the local hospitals here has Lovelights every Christmas season that people can donate money to, either "In Memory Of" (a deceased loved one) or "In Appreciation Of" (usually a living loved one but can also be for a deceased loved one), or both. The cost is $5 per Lovelight so is very reasonable. The Lovelights are then displayed on a huge Christmas tree in the hospital lobby.
I'm sure sorry for the loss of your loved one. :( You & your family are in my prayers.
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