What do you guys think about the topic of the authority of the man in the house? Does he have all of the power? Do you take his power and act as the dominant person in the relationship? What is your home dynamic? I'm just curious, because I'm a newly married lady and didn't know how other ladies dealt with power struggles. Any input really helps. 1|1|Well now...allow me...|inthesticks|inthesticks@windstream.net|05:12:52|06/03/2010|
a guy...to provide my two-cents. I believe in equality of the sexes. A marriage should be entered into equally, with both spouses sharing various responsibilities. Some marriages work well when there is one dominant spouse; some don't. If your husband is really religious (Christianity), he may see himself as the dominant spouse in the household. After all, the Bible does state that the man is dominant and that the woman should be subservient to him. I happen to believe that this is an outdated view. Society has changed a lot since biblical days, and the old standards may not be appropriate.
Don't let the man run over you in the relationship, however. At the same time, don't run over the man either. Fortunately, I don't have to worry about such problems, as I am SINGLE AND LOVING IT! But that is my opinion, and I'm sticking to it. 2|2|My take on Ephesians 5 22-33|Sara_s_Mom|IClipCoupons@gmail.com|07:22:55|06/03/2010|
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ephesians+5%3A22-33&version=NIV
You have to read the whole passage, not just the part about wives submitting unto their husbands. He's on the hook too! If you read further, you will see that the man is supposed to love us like Christ loved his Church (Church in the sense of all of us - and we know he paid the ultimate price for his church, don't we?) And love his wife like he loves his own body (not abuse it) and feed and care for her (in more ways than one) like he would his own body. This passage is also a good one to quote to mama's boys who won't cut the apron strings (that would be the part about leaving your family and cleaving unto your spouse ;)
Sometimes someone has to be in charge and make a final decision and I would think most of us have a symbiotic relationship with our spouses. Hubby is the fixer; I'm the breaker. I cook, he changes the oil. I do the laundry, he lays the floor. It is a team effort!
You have to both be comfortable with the level of control each of you has and anyone who says that you have to listen to them and do what they want because the Bible tells you so didn't read the same passage that I did.
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3|3|I would have hoped that each others "role" in a marriage came to light in the pre marriage relationship|teener|teenerzacsneenee@yahoo.com|07:34:31|06/03/2010|
dh and I knew how it was gonna work before we got married that was what our dating period and engagement period bought about in some things each of us was stronegr than the other and over the years we have grown to either have become stronger in our weakness's or work out the compromises we must face 14|3|Well Said!|MommyOf2QTs|MommyOf2QTs@Hotmail.com|07:59:10|06/05/2010|
Seems a lot of men like to act on the first part of that passage without taking responsibility for the rest.
Men are to love their wives as they love themselves and treat them accordingly. This does not mean being unrespectful, hurtful, belittling or harmful to their wives. Would they do those things to themselves? Hopefully no (if yes, then there are bigger problems here).
And if you read I Corinthians 13.13 it states love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not proud, is not rude, is not self-seeking, not easily angered, holds no grudges. Love always protects, trusts, hopes and perservers.
That's a pretty big list for most men to fill. So next time a husband says a wife is to be subservient to him, remind him of all the things he is supposed to be!!
I've been married to the same man for almost 25 years. I do believe the biggest keys to any relationship, not just marriage, is love, meaningful communication and trust. Without those, everything else seem to fall apart. There will be disagreements and spats but they can be worked through. And most times you come out with a stronger relationship in the end.
4|1|Personally it should be 50/50 type relationship....|Sharon|corvettelady@lavabit.com|10:46:06|06/03/2010|
I've been married 30 years and from what I've learned, most important thing in a relationship is to have open communication at all times, 100% trust and making compromises is very important if you wish to avoid conflict. Never allow him to have complete control over you. He does not own you! Same thing with women today, many are dominant and control their husbands. Work together, make decisions together and if you both have a different opinion on certain subjects, which we all do of course, just have to accept it. No two people in a relationship will agree on every same thing! My husband is the breadwinner, I'm the homemaker. He is also quite a handyman which is a big plus-LOL!! I have a cousin who is in her early 60's married to a very dominant man since she was 18, completely taking over her life. What I mean is, he tells her what to do, takes her paycheck giving her an allowance, how to raise their daughters, when she can go out, who to see, etc. I don't even think she has any female friends - what kind of life is that? She is the sweetest person I know and to me this is not living, this is being a prisoner in your own home! Since you're newly-married, you will have bumps down the road, this is how we learn and gain wisdom, by learning from your mistakes and just make the best of it as you go through life's stages - Best of Luck! 7|2|Wow Sharon 30 years! Congrats! |oliviabliss|livybliss@yahoo.com|11:53:02|06/03/2010|
I read your message and will remember your advice. I think you made many great points!
10|3|Thank you Olivia!|Sharon|corvettelady@lavabit.com|20:27:35|06/03/2010|
I'm glad some of my advice will be helpful to you:) 5|1|cye|emerald9|brandaseider@yahoo.com|11:40:07|06/03/2010|
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"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain." Maya Angelou 6|2|I think Saras Mom said it beautifully, more...|oliviabliss|livybliss@yahoo.com|11:52:00|06/03/2010|
I think the passage she mentioned in an excellent one to use when answering this question. We all have our rights and responsibilities in a marriage and I think she did an excellent job at pointing that out! It can be hard when newlywed to figure out the dynamics but one thing I know is you cannot compare yourself to other couples. You need to figure out what dynamics work for you and are comfy for you!
I like the idea of each partner being responsible for what they are good at. I love to cook and so I cook 99% of the time. But some nights I just cannot do it and I am not afraid to ask for help. My husband has his tasks that he is good at like organizing our finances, but he is not afraid to ask me for help when he needs it. Discussions are nightly in our house so we are both on the same page. Dinner time is great for this.
I don't feel like one of us is in charge. I don't ask permission to do things nor does he. We instead have discussions. I hope this helps and wish you luck! 8|1|My DH and I are partners in decision-making...while one of us may have more experience or knowledge in a given situation or subject, we take into consideration each other's input and feelings....then make a decision together. As for money, we share our money, there is no 'his' and 'hers'....and he knows I'm better at managing the money anyway (he'll admit, he can be a spending freak). We value each other's opinions and views.|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|16:52:37|06/03/2010|
Posted on Jun-03-10 at 04:52 PM (Eastern) by 98.213.152.114
Wanted to add:
I dont think it can be chalked up to a generational thing either (my DH and I are both in our 40's)....my parents were the same way, sharing equally in decision-making, responsibilities, etc....and they were in their 60's when I was a teen.
I learned from their example what should be in a marriage, and thankfully I married a man who's parents had the same type of relationship.
Do we always agree in the end? Of course not! But compromise can go a long way, and disputing an issue respectfully with each other will keep the lines of communication open.
" You'll get what's coming to you ... Unless it was mailed."
9|2|AFTER 51 YEARS, I DITTO JOY, WE HAVE ALWAYS MADE IMPORTANT PLANS TOGETHER AND TAKEN CARE OF PROBLEMS TOGETHER TOO....|JOYHAPPYONE|DAIDOLA5@AOL.COM|20:03:31|06/03/2010|
WE ARE DEFINATELY 50/50 PARTNERS...ALTHOUGH OVER THE YEARS THERE HAVE BEEN PLENTY OF SPATS.....BUT YOU GET OVER ALL OF THAT AND ALL WORKS OUT WELL---------------------------------------
"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer,
Amen."
11|1|thanks you guys for the input!|noway|bargainhuntress23@yahoo.com|20:51:11|06/03/2010|
;) 12|1|Ours is 50/50 we both make decisions, but then again we also have no children My hubby would be more of a softy with children if we had :) I would have to be the big mean ruler there lol|kandywolf|kandywolf@gmail.com|18:59:58|06/04/2010|
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13|2|And remember, not everything has to be about a power struggle. Tackle each issue for what it is, and not about who wins. My friends and I have a |lovemara|marajake@ctc.net|22:28:30|06/04/2010|
saying: Who ever feels more passionately about it has final veto. (This really comes in handy when parenting ;).) Compromise goes a looooong way, as does picking your battles. If your struggling out of pride and bull-headed stubborn-ness, then it's not the issue you're arguing over, it's fighting for dominance.