Posted on Sep-27-09 at 08:05 PM (Eastern) by 64.12.116.68
Okay....sorry, but I have to vent....
My daughter, Olivia, will be turning six on October 8th. I am throwing her a cowgirl/cowboy party complete with ponies and everything on the 17th. Every year I try to do something a bit different...last year was build a bear and the year before that was a moon bounce party....wellllllll....every year she wants to invite her friend ( I should specify it's only this one particular child)....so we always invite them and they NEVER come....yet they always invite Olivia to her birthday party and I make sure to bring Olivia every year.....so anyway, I just called and left a voice message on their machine two days ago and the mother has not returned my phone call yet....I have a strong feeling it will be the same excuse as the past two years and frankly, it's getting old.....I realize it may be a petty thing to be upset about, but we ALWAYS make it a point to go to her daughter's party and I get along with this mother so I'm not sure why they continually do this....and now that Olivia is getting older she's starting to question it as well. Thankfully, she already has other friends coming...but I'm just fed up and feel slighted....
Do you think it's wrong for me to decline the next birthday invite we get for this child (which will be in two months)? What are your thoughts?
1|1|I think it would be wrong to decline|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|20:30:34|09/27/2009|
I know it's hurtful to you and your daughter, but it's very possible there's more to her circumstances than you know. There may be some reason that the mother is just too embarassed about to even tell you (finances, personal problems, etc).
I sympathize - over the summer, my 6-year-old daughter went to her friend's house twice, so we decided to reciprocate and invite her over one afternoon. They never showed up, never called or anything (and I had called and talked to her mother an hour before she was bringing her daughter over, so I know she didn't just forget). After first I was kind of upset, I felt a bit snubbed. But then I realized that it probably wasn't anything that we did wrong, but something going on with the mother. That seemed like the only logical explanation (especially since when I invited her daughter, she could have very easily just declined by saying she had something else to do).
I guess it would depend too just how distraught my daughter was over the whole thing.
lauren
2|2|Lauren, I totally hear what you are saying...|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|20:36:23|09/27/2009|
maybe it's because my daughter has been sick for the past four days with this virus and I'm super protective of her (even more than usual)...but today when I was trying to make her feel better and was talking to her about her party she looked at me with her big brown eyes and asked if Yasmin was coming.....I told her I wasn't sure, but told her about all her other friends coming.....while inside I was just fuming.....her mother is a doctor and the father has a prestigious job as well, so it's not financial....it's just hurtful because they've done this for the past two years and this year will be the third.....
I finally talked to my dh and I was actually surprised that he agreed with me....I don't know, I'm just torn,,,but I simply won't have my daughter's feelings hurt, then go running to cater to their child, kwim??? 4|2|Okay, I get what you all are saying....I was looking at it from a different angle (m)|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|20:45:21|09/27/2009|
I was looking at it from the angle that maybe she's got a skeleton in the closet and is embarassed about it .....I didn't consider that maybe she's just being an insensitive twit....haahaa.
I did qualify my response with "depends how much it is bothering your daughter"....because no matter how understanding I want to be of another person's situation, I wouldn't do it at the expense of my daughter's feelings. I guess I didn't get from your post that it was really affecting your daughter....I got more that she was starting to question it, but wasn't super upset about it at this point.
lauren 3|1|I would decline with no regrets lol|Kristy|mi3zons1@yahoo.com|20:39:55|09/27/2009|
I'm sorry but one year is one thing but year after year that just gets old. You are expected to put money out for gifts for their children (assuming it's more than one child) yet they can never reciprocate. We all have money issues but honestly they could go cheap and get your daughter a few colors books and a box of crayons. If it was just one year I'd be more like Lauren. If it's to the point it's bothering you and your daughter is even getting hurt in my opinion it's time to draw the line in the sand and be done.
"Women should not have children after 35. Thirty-five children are enough." - anonymous (Only 28 to GO!)
6|2|Oh rats, why did that post in between?|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|20:47:04|09/27/2009|
I totally filtered the situation through my own experience because in my case, when I spoke to the mother an hour before she was to come over, she was acting a bit strange, so when she didn't show up, I thought maybe something was going on with her.
lauren 5|1|I wouldnt make this an issue between me and another parent (kinda like, "fine, two can play that game").....I'd leave it to your daughter, for example if she comes to you and says "Mom, Yasmin didnt come to my party three years in a row, I'm not going to hers either" I'd support her decision. But if she wants to go, I'd let her go....your daughter will only be angry with you if you dont let her go 'on principal' of your own decision. Does that make sense?|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|20:45:46|09/27/2009|
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7|2|Yea that's it Joy that's what I mean.. LOL. |Kristy|mi3zons1@yahoo.com|20:53:09|09/27/2009|
"Women should not have children after 35. Thirty-five children are enough." - anonymous (Only 28 to GO!) 8|2|Hmm, Joy pegged it|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|20:56:59|09/27/2009|
lauren 9|1|Thank you ladies for your input....|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|21:19:31|09/27/2009|
I think I'll wait this out,,,see if the mom calls me back...luckily Olivia and this child go to different schools...so the only way Olivia would get an invitation is for the mom to call me.....so I can make the decision then....the more I think about it, the angrier I get, so I think my mind is already set,,,,but I will certainly think about it when the time comes and I truly appreciate the feedback, it really does help. 10|2|I totally understand where you are coming from and to give you a slightly diff perpsective than the others....|jen_ron|bugsmamma@earthlink.net|22:43:27|09/27/2009|
Im to the point now where I dont think we will be doing any more bday parties for my DD. She turned 11 in June and we invited every single little girl whose bday party she has gone to over the past year, a few of her other friends, plus 2 of my good friends and their kids. Not one little girl showed up, one of my good friends didnt show. Out of 15 children invited, 2 showed up, and we never heard anything from any of them even though we sent out invites with RSVP & phone #'s for them to call. And this happens regularly. So, bump them other children and their uncaring parents. My DD isnt going to their parties anymore and we arent having anymore for her where we invite outsiders. It might sound mean, but I am so tired of my DD's feelings being hurt when no one shows up for her parties. It hurts her more every time and Im through with it. I know I will probably get bashed for it, but thats how I feel now. :(
I totally wouldnt blame you for not taking your daughter to the next party.... sometimes I wonder how fair they think it is to go to all the parties but never have anyone (or a certain someone) show up for theirs..
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That almost makes me cry can I just imagine how that hurt her.
I think it is becoming a very, very typical scenario these days (at least around here). I've talked to other mothers and they say they invite 20 kids and only 2 show up, and the worst part is that no one calls to say they're not coming! I know I was terrified when I had a party for my children this year that no one would show up. I don't think people know what RSVP means anymore or they're too busy to take the time to call you.
lauren 12|1|I would leave it up to your daughter because it is HER friend's birthday party. If she wants to go then let her, if she doesn't then decline. jmho|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|08:09:55|09/28/2009|
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13|1|Ok my 2 cents worth|ncbrunet|ncbrunet@aol.com|09:27:10|09/28/2009|
Regarding this situation, I would simply call again and when I reach the mother explain that this is the birthday party information and you realize they have never shown in the past even though invited and this year due to the theme you need a better head count so you need to know if they will be able to attend. If she hedges, I would ask is there a reason Yasmin can never come to our parties? Maybe there is a weird explanation that you can work with (religious weekend, allergies, etc). If she still isn't up front, I would nicely tell her that it does hurt your daughter's feelings that Yasmin never comes to her parties and you need to know if they are coming or not so your daughter will not be disappointed. Maybe that will kick this other mom in the pants.
As for no rsvps' to parties in genreal. We send out my DS birthday invites with an rsvp date a week prior to the party (usually a Friday) and any parent I have not eard from by then, on Sat they get a phone call from me. I tell them I realize time flies and I'm sure it slipped their mind to call me, but I need a head count for food/etc so are they coming or not.
I try to be very nice about it and put it off as just a memory thing (not a rude thing on their part)and it does work.
HTH
Marsha
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14|2|many of the moms have complained about not hearing from folks, so in my group as soon as the invites go out, we are|sneakers1234|ross417@msn.com|10:17:24|09/28/2009|
sure to quickly call and RSVP. It's funny cause I will get 10 calls in the first 2 days, then there's the scragglers
you never hear from and the kid doesn't show......
wonder if those kids go to any parties.
15|1|emailed you kelly :)|QponFreebieQueen|QponFreebieQueen@gmail.com|11:44:54|09/28/2009|
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17|2|I would say to call and ask if the child is coming and actually ask if Yasmin can spend the night the night before (if you are having on a weekend) or offer to pick her up? Explain how much your daughter wants her friend to be there and try to offer a solution. I had a friend once who viewed birthday party invites as just another bill, LOL. |Sara_s_Mom|IClipCoupons@gmail.com|12:18:07|09/28/2009|
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16|1|If...|Gail_O|gailandlarryondrej@gmail.com|12:14:19|09/28/2009|
you daughter wants to invite this little girl, let her invite her. If your daught wants to go to this little girl's party when invited, let her go. Let her decide when and if she does not want to invite her or does not want to attend her parties. 18|1|Here's my take....|hudge4|hudge95@yahoo.com|21:33:43|09/28/2009|
I think it's awfully rude for that parent to repeatedly do this. She must know how the girls enjoy each other and are friends. Maybe she's friendly but stand-offish. I have a 'friend' that I have know 10 years. Our sons are good friends and to my face she acts like we are friends but other than that, I am 'out of sight, out of mind'. She will get a group of moms together for movie nights or lunches and not invite me most of the time. I'm done trying with her. I found out that the other moms feel the same, too. It used to really bug me, but I now just realize that no matter what, she is just hard to get close to. Could it be this mother you are speaking of is hard to get close to? Either way, I would just be done with her and not participate in her daughter's party at all. Espcially since Olivia realizes there is a problem. Its just not worth it for her to feel sad over this.
It's not a 'tit for tat' response in my opinion. Its not about the gifts not being reciprocated, but her lack of care for your daughter's feelings. When you're that little, b-days are a big deal and that mother should "Let her Yes mean Yes". If she says her daughter is coming, then come. Man, I'd just be done with it and explain to Olivia that some people are just hard to get to know and that maybe some day things can be different.
Hope this helps
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http://www.refundsweepers.com/dcforum/feedback/1021.html 19|2|This could be why.....|slimnlady|slimnlady@aol.com|22:59:27|09/28/2009|
Maybe she feels she would have to buy a really expensive Birthday gift. It sounds like a really, really nice party. Maybe she just can't afford it. Maybe she would be too embarassed if she bought your daughter an inexpensive gift. I have no idea what kind of party the other girls mother throws but maybe she feels she can't afford a nice gift and would feel funny only giving a $10-$15 gift while most of other kids would give her something like a $25-$40 present. That being said if they are the same type parties equally expensive in nature then I would take offense. I would ask if there was a problem etc in a nice way. Good luck and hope the party turns out wonderful. Carol