Ok i did not take my maiden name back when i got my divorce actually i do not even rember them asking me if i wanted to but anyway. Now that i have found out that the Ex is getting remarried i really do not want his last name anymore. I dont know if its the bitter ex-wife thing kicking in or what. But i dont want to have the same last name as his new wife. I just do not like the idea one bit!!!
Also does it make me a bad person to not like the fact that my kids like her and actually tell her that they love her over the phone. I just do not like that one bit!!! Of course i keep that feeling to myself but im not liking it at all. Now i know that if they do eventually get married i will have to get used to the idea. But for now i dont think that i have to like it do i. I dont know bitter ex-wife again???
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1|1|I think whatever makes you feel better at this point...|couponshelmd|couponshel@comcast.net|06:11:56|08/31/2009|
about your last name. If you do not want his name, I say "go for it" and take your maiden name back... would your daughters mind? Also about how they feel about her, I am sure I would be upset, too, if I were in your shoes. I don't know if that makes us "bitter" because anyone would be upset lately with how that couple are treating you.
If I may say, I think in the long run it will be better than a woman that your girls do not like; then they will dread visiting their dad, etc. Also, she can NEVER replace you, and I am sure they do not see her as another mother, just as the woman who is marrying their dad. 2|1|Jen...|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|08:52:06|08/31/2009|
In regards to your name....I think you should ask your children what they would feel about you taking back your maiden name, as that will make your name different than theirs, which isnt unusual in our modern society, but knowing how they feel about it will help you make a decision either way. Also, you could consider a hypenated last name using both your maiden name and your married name, kind of a meeting in the middle, should your children feel they wouldnt like you having a completely different last name than they do.
As for the fiance...I've had experience with this with my boys...I was never married to their father, so he's had 4 or 5 girlfriends over the years...some I had the benefit of knowing from years back, and some were complete strangers to me.
I've never had the boys report back to me that any of these women tried to take over or act like their mother. All of these women had children of their own, so I think they felt a 'respect' for my position as their mother, woman to woman....does that make sense? The couple I do know personally, including the current gf of about 8 yrs (half my boys life!) were super ladies, really great moms to their own children. I had more confidence in them looking out for my boys when they go to visit their father than I have in their father (you have to know him to totally get that statement, lol). The current gf treats my boys with kindness and affection, but she doesnt overstep her place in their lives...I respect her for that, and appreciate that another person can love my boys without any strings attached. In fact, it makes me proud that other people can see what great people my boys are to know :) She is involved enough with them that they feel they can trust her, but not so involved that it causes any resentment on anyone's part.
While this isnt the situation with you and the fiance (I dont know if you know her from your life while married, even as an acquaintence?), give her the benefit of the doubt that she is treating your children well with out infringing on your relationship with them as their mother. As long as she isnt bad-mouthing you to your children, treats them with kindness and respect, be glad there is another person that loves your children....maybe not as much as you do, but love in any quantity is always a good thing for a child :)
Joy
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
--Thomas Jefferson--
3|1|My two cents|Sara_s_Mom|IClipCoupons@gmail.com|14:16:21|08/31/2009|
If you want your maiden name back, it is probably really easy to do. Did you have a lawyer? They know the paperwork you'd need to file. It can be a PITB because I'm thinking you have to go to the Social Security office. You want all your earnings kept together. But it is usually a quick process. If you don't have an attorney, you could contact the county where the divorce was done's Prothonotary (or whatever the local equivalent is) to ask what the procedure is for that. If you haven't already, you should do another will - write the ex out, name some guardians for the kids, restrict Social Security payments should you predecease him, etc. There's lots of things you can do with a will to make sure the ex uses the money as you would have liked it to be used for your kids in case you die first while the kids are minors (not to be morbid here).
A friend who was married and divorced a few times ended up keeping her first ex-hubby's name. ??? To each her own. However, if your kids are older, it couldn't hurt you to ask them how they feel about it. Your name can legally change back, but lots of divorced people still get mail under their old married name. No biggie really so long as the major stuff gets changed.
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4|2|Jen we needs to chat find me on yahoo darlin|Kristy|mi3zons1@yahoo.com|14:48:03|08/31/2009|
"Women should not have children after 35. Thirty-five children are enough." - anonymous (Only 28 to GO!)