My 14yr old DS is at band camp this week, sleepover camp. He hadn't called us since he left on Monday, but tonight he sent a text message that the firs two days weren't too good, but today had been better til "an incident" occurred, but his drum teacher told him he is not allowed to tell us or anybody about it.
Hello, this is a big old problem for me. Since he was 4 I've told my son that if an adult or person of authority EVER tells him that something is a secret and not to tell us, that he had better tell me right away. All the little books and videos and things at school all warn that an adult, teacher, etc. should NEVER tell you not to tell your parents something, it's like a big warning sign of sexual abuse.
Now, I am pretty sure that if that happened, my son would have told me everything, but I have a real problem with the teacher telling my son this. Doesn't he know any better? He should not be working with kids if he is that clueless. Even if it is something benign, he does not have the right to tell my kid not to tell me something.
My son is really big on band and has already had problems this year with the new band people. He blew out his knee ver the summer and the doctor wrote a note that he can only march for 2 hours a day, they have moved him from the top drum position he competed for at the end of the school year back to pit, and when they had pre-band camp and were doing the make up your own march, the director told him he couldn't do the "fun stuff" because he hadn't been practicing with the others. So the poor kid is already feeling penalized and down because of something not his fault, and I am worried about what the heck this guy is doing.
I want to write a letter to the school board. I strongly feel this guy should not be working with kids, but I do not want to accuse him of actually doing anything wrong other than telling a student not to tell his parents something. How can I do this to make my point? I don't want to come off as too overreactive, so please tell me if I am. I just know that this is something I've been telling that kid for 10 years, do not let an adult tell you not to tell.
Any advice, suggestions, comments?
PLEASE!
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Thanks, Sue Edelmann
1|1|I whole heartedly agree with you |Kristy|mi3zons1@yahoo.com|21:36:07|08/19/2009|
Any time an adult tells a child not to tell their parents it sends warning bells!! I would write a letter asking what exactly happened and how they plan to assure you that nothing like this takes place in the future.
"Women should not have children after 35. Thirty-five children are enough." - anonymous (Only 28 to GO!) 3|2|I agree...contact someone tomorrow, whether by letter or phone...|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|21:41:25|08/19/2009|
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
--Thomas Jefferson--
2|1|I agree as well and think you should write some letters and make some calls~*~|RebekkaVA|queen_vulture@msn.com|21:40:14|08/19/2009|
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6|2|I agre with joy and Rebekka. What reason, could a teacher have, for asking of such a thing, from students. Just does not sound right at all.|dlpavitt|dlpavitt@att.net|21:45:18|08/19/2009|
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Try to get all trades out with in 12 hours of confirmation. If you do not have a board name, and feedback, I will mail my end, only after I receive your end. Happy trading. Thanks for looking, Donna
4|1|This is a red flag....|Sharon|s_forshee@hotmail.com|21:44:43|08/19/2009|
Anytime a teacher tells their students not to say anything to their parents is very wrong. I would either call or write to school board exactly what happened and that it must never happen again! 5|1|The kids and teacher(s) won't be back til Friday|dragonmom|sueedelmann@yahoo.com|21:45:10|08/19/2009|
Should I wait and talk to them then, or send out a letter now, which they obviously won't read til they get back anyway?
Check out my site at http://susieed.tripod.com/
Thanks, Sue Edelmann
8|2|It's just me but I'd show up in person first thing the minute the door opens... where are they now? is there a supervisor you can call|Kristy|mi3zons1@yahoo.com|21:52:02|08/19/2009|
"Women should not have children after 35. Thirty-five children are enough." - anonymous (Only 28 to GO!) 7|1|I would be going to band camp in the morning..(M)|kthy26|kthy26@yahoo.com|21:51:55|08/19/2009|
I would find out from your son why this person told him that and what was going on in more details but I would not write a note I would show up in person with my son in hand and someone would be doing some talking and explaining thats what i would do.
i work at a school and i know this is never allowed to tell a child and if it is told your job is done with that county.
good luck 9|1|The camp is 3 hours away|dragonmom|sueedelmann@yahoo.com|21:57:34|08/19/2009|
and frankly I don't have any idea how to get there. I know the name of it and that it is a three hour drive, but that's all. I know several of the parents who are chaperones from previous school years, but the band director and percussion director are both new
The kids are getting ready to go in for the night, I'm hoping my son calls and gives me details. But even if it is something stupid, like some kid did something dumb and they don't want everybody in the world to know about it, I still do not approve of how it was handled.
Check out my site at http://susieed.tripod.com/
Thanks, Sue Edelmann
10|2|They didnt give you a way to contact someone there? One of the chaperones maybe? They might have some information to clarify what it is exactly that your son is not supposed to tell you...you know, kids talk and they think that adults dont hear....|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|21:59:36|08/19/2009|
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
--Thomas Jefferson--
11|3|Nope, they did not give us any contact info|dragonmom|sueedelmann@yahoo.com|22:07:26|08/19/2009|
That's why my son has his cell phone with him. THey say all the chaperones have phones the kids can use, but most of the kids take one anyway.
Check out my site at http://susieed.tripod.com/
Thanks, Sue Edelmann
12|2|Start contacting the parents you know from last year.|CJDJ112366|Lintaos@optonline.net|22:21:49|08/19/2009|
Carol from NJ 13|3|I have calls in to the 2 parents I know that are chaperones|dragonmom|sueedelmann@yahoo.com|22:23:24|08/19/2009|
Got their voice mail, hoping to hear back from them tonight.
Check out my site at http://susieed.tripod.com/
Thanks, Sue Edelmann
14|1|i would have texted him back and asked him what the incident was|WillaD|wila111@bellsouth.net|22:35:45|08/19/2009|
can't you call your son
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Willa 15|2|I wouldn't do anything official until I got the facts..|KellyJef|burke3536@yahoo.com|08:10:11|08/20/2009|
>Posted on Aug-19-09 at 10:35 PM (Eastern)
>by 74.177.22.129can't you call your son
Why wouldn't you have called your son and demanded that he tell you exactly what happened???
Kids are notorious for "not getting the story straight" so I would be very careful about causing a problem before I have all the facts. 16|2|Although I can't imagine ANY good reason the adult would tell the kids not to tell.....|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|09:31:45|08/20/2009|
I would get the whole story from your son first so that you're completely informed before confronting them with this. If I had any feeling though that my son was in an unsafe place, I would make the drive and pick him up or at least talk to this adult.
lauren 17|1|DS finally called back|dragonmom|sueedelmann@yahoo.com|09:39:43|08/20/2009|
It's so stupid! He was sitting at the sidelines and overheard the band teacher talking to some of the parents that the school board has not decided yet if they are going to cancel jazz band and some of the other band activities. My son got upset and they asked him not to say anything about it to anybody right now, because the school board has not officially decided if they will cut the programs or not. They didn't want the kids getting upset during camp over something that may not even happen or the parents all getting up in arms over something that may not be true. So yes, they did tell him not to tell anybody, but it was more of, don't say anything yet, let's wait, and of course, my son told me all anyway.
Check out my site at http://susieed.tripod.com/
Thanks, Sue Edelmann
19|2|Glad to hear it wasn't anything risking his safety but most important is that he did tell you. :)|maraj|maraj64@hotmail.com|09:58:03|08/20/2009|
The issue of an adult telling a child to keep secrets from his/her parents or other adults is still something I would address, however, w/that band teacher &/or the school board members. Just explain to them why it is SO important for kids NOT to be told by adults to keep secrets. They should all understand.
If adults don't want kids to overhear certain conversations then maybe those adults shouldn't be discussing things like that in such an open atmosphere & w/in earshot of so many kids. My guess is your son isn't the only one who overheard the conversation.....
Please identify yourself in 1st email w/name/username. Due to recent problem trades, if I haven't traded w/you before, I will probably require you send your end 1st or I'll need LEGIT trade references/feedback. I will be happy to provide the same. IF you plan to hold your end til you've received mine, I will need to know that IMMEDIATELY, BEFORE trade is finalized.
18|1|glad you got the facts,it's always a good idea to get the facts before we do anything else|WillaD|wila111@bellsouth.net|09:53:43|08/20/2009|
i'm also glad the incident was something simple
***********************************
If you are on the btl or btw,please
don't email me about trading(this is
for those on these lists)
************************************
If you are going to hold my envie until
you get your envie please lmk up front--
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Willa 20|1|I'm ready RIGHT NOW to go get him for ya...|van1|van100@wowway.com|12:04:59|08/20/2009|
Glad I read the rest of the postings..I was ready to gather up the posse. When something upsets "our" kids, I turn into "Darth Grannie" Guess I'll relax a bit now...but can be motivated into action at the drop of a "kid in trouble" note!
Any time ya don't know exactly where the kids are, a two minute session with the police will take care of it REAL QUICK.
Nobody really wants to stand in the way of old grannies'and aunts....it would show up on a future Jerry Springer show or an Geraldo newscast!
Viv, Just a Grannie in Michigan
22|2|Viv, you could have picked me up on the way, I too turn into to Ninja Nana when it comes to a child in trouble. Glad it turned out to be something simple. I can put my Ninja cosutme back into my purse now.|Ranalt|ainebailey@gmail.com|13:14:56|08/20/2009|
Life is like a cup of tea,
It's all in how you make it.
Lisa
21|1|my personal oppinion|crazymomx2|crazymomx3girls@hotmail.com|12:13:46|08/20/2009|
have you talked to the teacher ??principal did you get any results if not head to the superinted of schools this is way out of had demand to read the teachers files (in calif you can do this) no sure about all states he could have something in his file,i know from personal experince when my daughter was 14 she was being asked to remove her jacket to check her dress code as he said he had 3 others in his file to me that is sexual hurament he was looking at her brest she did it the 1st time and afte discussing it with me if it happend again we set a game plan she was to walk out of class and go directley to the office and call me she did and i handles it from there lets just say the teacher no longer is with that district not really sure what happpend but he was immeditley removed and never came back to that school,my daughter still wears jackets or sweaters over all her shirts to hide her breast beacuse of this sick pig.its wrong totaly wrong when an adult ask a child to lie about anything.i would start with the principal and go from there this may be going on with other kids so very wrong teri 23|2|glad everything turned out ok..(M)|kthy26|kthy26@yahoo.com|15:25:54|08/20/2009|
I wouldnt of cared if that camp was 10 hrs away and I wouldnt cared if I didnt have a clue as to where it was at, if I felt my son was any type of trouble or was being harmed I would of been on the road and boy when I got there they would of known I had been there. sorry thats just how I am.