I know times are tough for many people right now. I understand that & sympathize w/everyone who's going thru a tough time but.....
One of my nieces needs some financial help & has pretty much noone to help her. Her mom (my sister) passed away 6 yrs. ago when my niece was just 17 w/a baby & my niece's dad has always treated her like crap but now has even started making sick sexual remarks & come-ons to her so she's been staying away from him. My niece's only living sibling is in deep doo-doo w/the law after lying about some pretty serious stuff so my niece really has no parents or siblings that she can go to for any help - just her little girl & us. Her little girl is currently staying w/the dad (my niece's ex) til my niece can get on her feet again. She's never asked us for help w/anything & never gives us any "oh, poor me" stories or anything like that. But the last place she worked at closed down & she's been having a hard time finding a job ever since despite applying all over. She recently got an apartment w/2 other people to get away from her dad but doesn't know how she's going to come up w/her share of the rent for Aug. I got to talking to my mom today & suggested that maybe some of us in our family could all chip in to help her out so she doesn't have to move back in w/her dad. My niece hasn't ever asked us for any help & I wouldn't have even known about her being short on rent if her friend hadn't slipped in response when I jokingly asked my niece how long she was going to live there. I wouldn't have known about the crap w/her dad either except that I guessed when she said she's been trying to avoid him "cuz he's been acting really weird lately". And it was actually her friend then too who confirmed it when I guessed. My niece isn't one to say or complain about much.
Anyway, I thought that the least my family could do is try to help her out a little bit financially, maybe enough to help w/her share of the rent & a little xtra, just so she has a few dollars, *something* to at least buy her little girl a birthday cake & a couple things (the little girl's birthday is the 30th, & she'll be 7). I was trying to be reasonable & said just whatever any of us could afford. I said if not, then just say you can't afford it & it's not a problem. I figured that'd be it, but I end up hearing a big speel instead, "I work for my money & she can too", yadda, yadda. Ok, I understand that but give the girl a break cuz she's having a hard time finding a job right now! Geez! There's about 8 of us who have the means to help so it wouldn't be too big of a pinch if we all pitched in a little bit, but so far, it's just my mom, me & only one of my other nieces who are willing to help. :( Even my son has offered to chip in some of his graduation money! My 2 sisters are being real jerks about it & I just don't get it. It's not like we've helped her before, even when her mom passed away, she didn't ask us for ANY financial help for funeral expenses or anything. Criminy, the girl is only 23 yrs. old & been thru enough already! Times are tough I know & understand, but how can some people be such stinkin cold harda$$es???? That, I cannot understand!
I'm sorry for venting & for this being so long. I just really needed to get this out of my system.....
Please identify yourself in 1st email. If I haven't traded w/you before, I will require *legit* trade references & will gladly provide the same.
1|1|wow, your family sounds like mine!!|HONEY11|HONEY1@AMERITECH.NET|00:09:20|07/24/2009|
I don't talk or see any of my sisters. I thank-you for wanting to help your niece, she should not have to be a in situation where her father makes suggestive remarks at her,I find that disturbing and would also worry about her daughter being around him as well...sorry to say but sounds like a molester to me...she is better off staying away from him for her and her daughters safety. Maybe you could do some auctions or something to help her come up with her end of the rent every month, or have everyone do rebates so that your niece could have the money from the rebate checks to cover her rent.
2|1|that's tough! what a creep|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|03:14:40|07/24/2009|
I would flat out tell him he is being watched (I had that talk with my niece about her daughter and she said she was actually having some feelings and would keep her eyes open). He is seriously ill and this probably won't stop him but at least he will know. CJ is a great kid too, and the suggestion about rebating for her is a great idea for the future.
IMHO until you actually struggle financially the responses you get seem kind of normal for americans, kwim? lol 3|1|Thanks ladies. :)|maraj|maraj64@hotmail.com|09:31:20|07/24/2009|
The little girl is staying w/her own dad, not my niece's dad, so she's safe, thank God. That was the 1st thing I made clear to my niece - keep that that little girl as far away from him as possible. Grandpa or not, he's obviously sick in the head & altho he's always been a major a$$hole & treated my sister & my niece like crap, stupid me didn't think he'd go so far as to cross THAT line w/my niece, his own daughter. :(
I'm just SO burned up & disgusted w/some of my family members right now. They all dived right in when my niece's sibling concocted this elaborate lie about being sick, w/support & financial help. I'd suspected right off the bat tho that it was fishy cuz there's a history of lies, cheating & stealing w/that one, so I wanted no part of it but I had to keep my mouth shut or be the bad a$$. Fortunately, the truth finally came out & they had to face it when it hit the media. But the niece I've been referring to has never been close to that sibling so didn't know anything anymore than anyone else & was just as shocked & disgusted that her sibling could lie & cheat people like that. Now my niece needs help, has never asked any of us for help, isn't asking us for help now - she has NO clue that I'm even trying to do this for her - the one who truly & legitimately needs help, & all I get from most of them is crap. :( Talk about screwed up people!
Please identify yourself in 1st email. If I haven't traded w/you before, I will require *legit* trade references & will gladly provide the same.
6|2|ETA: The reason it burns me up so much is......|maraj|maraj64@hotmail.com|11:30:23|07/24/2009|
because my sisters evidently don't understand what "Pass it on" or "PIF" means cuz there have been NUMEROUS times they've asked for & gotten help from my parents, & even me, only for my parents & I to find out later they were in dire straights BECAUSE they'd squandered their own money away on gambling, sitting in a bar & playing those Poker machines, Cash Advance loans & bad checks written in order to keep gambling & sitting in the bar! My one sister & her worthless husband just blew over $1,000 a couple wks. ago going to the Nascar races in Chicago & having their 2 dogs boarded at a kennel for those 4 days yet they're constantly griping about their bills & not having any money. Go figure! Granted, it's THEIR money to do w/as they please & I have no problem w/that - it's just don't ask others for help & cry about money then when it's blown on things that are NOT necessary & couldn't be afforded in the 1st place, kwim?
My niece is just a 23 yr. old single mom who, thru no fault of her own, has no parents or siblings she can go to for help & no job. She's TRYING so it's not as if she's getting a paycheck & is blowing it all on b.s. or lazing around not looking for a job. And it had to be pretty difficult, not to mention very selfless, for her to have to let her daughter go stay w/the dad til she can get back on her own feet. :(
Please identify yourself in 1st email. If I haven't traded w/you before, I will require *legit* trade references & will gladly provide the same.
4|1|Tami, If you want to email me your niece's city and state, I can check later today to see if there are resources available for her in her area. Poor girl good use a string of good luck and people who care for her.|Ranalt|ainebailey@gmail.com|10:17:12|07/24/2009|
Life is like a cup of tea,
It's all in how you make it.
Lisa
5|2|Thanks so much Lisa! :)|maraj|maraj64@hotmail.com|10:50:14|07/24/2009|
Any/all ideas are greatly appreciated! :)
I fully intend on helping my niece out w/something whether the other family members do or not. They're the ones who have to live w/their cold, mean selves. It just really gets to me how they can be so crappy to one of their own family who's already had enough hardship & has never once asked us for help. :(
Please identify yourself in 1st email. If I haven't traded w/you before, I will require *legit* trade references & will gladly provide the same.
7|3|After reading your posts, Tami, my main concern would be for her to find an affordable place to live so she doesnt have to go to her father's house under any circumstances....I dont know if she might qualify for a women's shelter/home in the area?? Secondly: Lisa, thank you again for taking the time to help a total stranger in their time of need....you have wings AND a halo! :)|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|12:07:15|07/24/2009|
A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
--Thomas Jefferson--
8|4|That's exactly what I've been worried about Joy.....|maraj|maraj64@hotmail.com|13:44:03|07/24/2009|
She managed to get out of her dad's house & into an apt. w/a couple friends, & after finding out what kind of crap her dad's been doing, I definitely don't want her going back there. But I also don't want her to feel she has no other choice, like she'll HAVE to ask him for help & that she'd have to just put up w/his crap so he'll help her. :( NOONE should have to deal w/that. I'd LOVE to turn him in & since he's not a very well-liked person in the community/county he lives in anyway, I'm sure the authorities would relish tossing his sick, sorry butt in jail. But, I'm afraid it could backfire & the last thing I want to do is alienate my niece right now. Especially in the situation she's in. She hasn't asked but she needs our help & I need to focus my thoughts & energy on that instead of that dirtbag father of hers, kwim? I believe in karma so I'm sure he'll get what he deserves. I just want her to get back on her feet 1st & will worry about the rest later. All in due time. ;)
Please identify yourself in 1st email. If I haven't traded w/you before, I will require *legit* trade references & will gladly provide the same.
9|1|Tami, cye please :)|Ranalt|ainebailey@gmail.com|14:50:16|07/25/2009|
Life is like a cup of tea,
It's all in how you make it.
Lisa