My Ex is going to drive me insane!!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
Ok i feel a little better. He actually called me today and asked me if he could not pay his child support this week. He pays a lousey $50 a week for 2 kids and cant even manage to pay that. Well this weekend is supposed to be his weekend for the kids and next weekend is supposed to be the start of his 6 weeks with the kids so i suggest that since he cant afford to pay his child support this week how about we skip the visitation this week and just wait until next week when his 6 weeks start and he went off on me. UGH!!! So if he cant afford to pay my child support then i cant afford to bring the kids two weeks in a row i dont know what to tell him. Oh yeah then he made the comment about how he would just wait until the kids were older before he saw them again WTF??????? I just do not understand him at all. He goes on and on about how much he misses the kids but he had a job offer up here not to long ago but turned it down now tell me does that sound like something you would do if you miss your kids???? I just dont get him. I just need to scream one more time anyone care to join me????
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Ok i feel better now
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1|1|Go ahead and scream. Sounds like he is playing mind games with you. And If he waits till the kids are older he will be the sorry one because they wont want to see him. Its so sad that the kids always end up getting hurt the most. Your in my prayers for sure.|nancygal|brennansnanna@hotmail.com|18:16:24|06/16/2009|
nancygal 2|1|Document this, Jen......everything you wrote here, write down...you may need it for later and you shouldnt rely on your memory alone.|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|18:18:00|06/16/2009|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 3|2|And just remember, that child support and visitation are not contigent upon each other....so just because he may chose not to see his children doesnt mean he is free from paying child support.|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|18:19:02|06/16/2009|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 4|2|Oh trust me i keep a little note book..........|rainj|jmrains@centurytel.net|19:28:05|06/16/2009|
Well its more of a big note book by now i document everything from when the kids call him and he doesnt return there calls or the stupid ignorant comments he makes to me and so on and so on. I document it all. Im not playing games with him i quit those a long time ago when i made up my mind that i was done with him and that i left for good. It just gets very frustrating some time. I hate seeing the kids hurt and it kills me that he doesnt bother to return there phone calls he cant even bother to give them 5 minutes of his time. And yet it all seems to be my fault some how. I know that sooner or later that they are going to see the big picture but for now they are listening to what he says and its all moms fault and that kills me. But what can i do???
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5|3|Jen, just hang in there.....the kids will see the big picture, it may take awhile, but just be there for them.....the one thing I would stress is never bad-mouth their dad to them (although you might have to bite your tongue alot!), it only backfires on you. My boys' father has shown his true colors on so many occassions, my boys understand why I never married him and left him along time ago. They are going to be 16, but those first 10 yrs was hard to take when they would repeat things to me that their father had told them (his twisted version, untrue and cruel). They see who I am and they know those things he has said can't be true.|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|20:00:57|06/16/2009|
Posted on Jun-16-09 at 08:00 PM (Eastern) by 98.213.175.237
ETA: That doesnt mean I didnt tell them the truth about things they would ask me....I didnt go into huge, dirty details but they got the jist. Simple answers are best, but there is nothing wrong with honesty. Just stress to them that you love them, that the divorce is not in any way a reflection of how you feel about them, that you felt it was the best decision for everyone (including your ex) to have a better life. As they get older, their questions get more involved.
My teen boys ask some detailed questions....I ask them before I answer if they really want the truth or just a simple answer. That gives them the decision on how much they really want to know. They love their father because, as my sons say, he is their father. And I think they are mostly sad that he isnt who they think he should be. But they know they are loved, and they realize that their father's issues are not theirs.
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 6|4|Joy that is one thing that i do not do and will never do..........|rainj|jmrains@centurytel.net|22:02:21|06/16/2009|
I grew up with my mom always bad mouthing my dad after they got divorced and i will not do that to my kids. I do tell them the truth though. I do keep it nice and clean but i do tell them the truth. When they ask me why i wanted to get divorced because daddy tells them mommy wanted it i simply tell them that i wanted a better life for them and me with no more fighting because i know it was not easy on them either. They did not like the fighting any more than i did and they have told me that. When my ex tells them something they do come back and say something to me as much as i would love to tell them exactly what i think about him i dont i just keep it nice and clean and tell them the way it really is and i figure they will figure it all out on there own in the long run. Its just hard right now especially right now with my son as he is not liking me very much these days everything is my fault and he wants to go live with his dad and i just cant let that happen. Im really worried about what i am going to have to deal with when they come home from spending 6 weeks with there dad. Because i know that he has no problem with bad mouthing me. It was rough after them just spending the weekend with him its going to be alot harder after he has them for 6 weeks. But i know i can do it and i will get through it. I just have to hang in there and let them know that i love them no matter what.
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7|5|yep...Joy pretty much said it all. Even now after all ....|Skaytes|skaytez@gmail.com|06:44:26|06/17/2009|
these years my grown kids STILL have issues with their bio father. (he literally walked out of their lives one day ..had them for visitation over the years a handful of times..same with child support, never paid but a few times, but he signed over his parental rights to my 2 special needs girls so my now husband could adopt them..best thing he ever did! Umm..It was more important for him to have money to go out of the country fishing every year then support or deal with his kids)
Anyhoo..to this day, he STILL tries to badmouth me to my grown son and daughter and they jump right in there and tell him the REAL way it is..he sure doesn't like it and tries to blame me of course for their actions. STILL! lol He just 'doesn't get it' that HE could have possibly caused their attitudes toward them even when they spell it right out! He very VERY rarely calls them..calling once or twice in years..literally..to this day. BUT..like Joy said he is their bio father and in their minds they sooo much want to be loved and accepted by him and for him to be a REAL Dad to them even at their age so occasionally they break down and call him hoping things will be different but never is. Trying to convince their own minds he never will be is still very very hard for them. They both told me that they don't know how I stayed with him for all those years. Well..I was young, dumb and trusted him. Boy..what a BAD combo, huh? LOL!
It will all work out in the end and definately hard to 'bite your tongue' when the ex is very manipulative and just trying to undermine you in every little thing but hang in there. What goes around, comes around and mine got his in the end...but that's another story! ;) 8|6|Is the child support and visitation court ordered? If so please make sure you abide by the visitation on your end so that doesn't come back to bite you in the behind and we know how life goes it's the nasty ones who some how come out squeaky clean|teener|teenerzacsneenee@yahoo.com|08:01:15|06/17/2009|
If he doesn't see the kids make sure it's only because he doesn't make the effort 10|7|yes both the child support and visitation are court ordered... |rainj|jmrains@centurytel.net|12:37:38|06/17/2009|
whether he does or not...I will have it that way he can not say that i did not show up if i go and he does not show up then i can have it recorded that he did not show up for his visitation not the other way around. Its going to hurt me money wise but what do i do. Because my luck he will tell me go ahead lets just skip this week and me not go and he would show up and have me reported for not showing up so im not taking that chance.
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19|6|Kathy, we want to hear that story sometime, lololol :)|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|18:21:05|06/17/2009|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 18|5|It'll all work out in the end, Jen....their father doesnt consider that his children wont be young kids forever...they do remember things and come to their own conclusions...they see the truth eventually, and as adults wont be so easily 'fooled' by statements made out of bitterness or resentment.|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|18:18:26|06/17/2009|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 9|1|You should said sure you can skip child support for a week... if your kids can skip eating for a week... |Kristy|mi3zons1@yahoo.com|11:05:08|06/17/2009|
"Women should not have children after 35. Thirty-five children are enough." - anonymous (Only 28 to GO!) 11|2|no kidding.......Im trying to talk him into buying the kids some school clothes while he has them this summer...|rainj|jmrains@centurytel.net|12:40:40|06/17/2009|
and you know what he tells me thats what i pay you child support for. OMG like $50 a week is supposed to feed 2 kids buy them school supplies, school clothes and not to mention every thing else they need. Heaven forbid he have to help with anything they need that man just frustrates the crap out of me!!!!!
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12|3|i cant believe court let him off that easy.......in 1989 , i got more than that for 2 kids...and x only made 7.50 or so an hr|couponsnsamples|couponsnsamples@hotmail.com|15:39:14|06/17/2009|
plus he had to pay medical bills or provide insurance and buy half the school clothing....ect 13|3|$100 a month per child?????? my mother rcvd that for us 3 kids and i'm 36 now!!!!!!!!|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|15:52:10|06/17/2009|
there is no way $200 a month is enough. JMHO
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14|3|Yeah, that's really low for child support....did you 'settle' on that amount or was that the amount HIS lawyer came up with?? Did your lawyer review that amount and counter it? Do you know what the state guidelines are? Here in IL, it is 27% of the noncustodial parent's income.|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|15:57:16|06/17/2009|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 17|4|Another question....sorry....did you have the child support garnished from his wages, or is it left to him to pay you? I tried giving the boys' father a chance at paying me himself, and he would get a couple months behind. I petitioned for garnished wages and got it with my documentation of payments missed.....that might be another issue to consider if he doesnt pay on time or the full amount each time.|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|18:16:47|06/17/2009|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 15|1|My niece's ex was ordered to pay $2500 per month 10 years ago|Gail_O|gailandlarryondrej@gmail.com|18:07:17|06/17/2009|
They have 3 sons together, one has graduated from high school, one will graduate next year and the younest is 14. Her ex has very rarely paid her. She has kept a ledger of EVERYTHING - what she has spent on the boys, the rare occaision he buys them something and the times he has paid her. She is waiting until the boys are grown to take him to court. She doesn't want them to get caught up in how ugly it will probably get. 16|2|My step mom got payments for 4-5 years after her kids were all over 18 because he was so far behind.|Kristy|mi3zons1@yahoo.com|18:12:46|06/17/2009|
"Women should not have children after 35. Thirty-five children are enough." - anonymous (Only 28 to GO!) 21|3|I will be getting payments from my oldest DD's dad for several years after she is 18 as he is $40,000 behind and she is almost 15 years old|rainj|jmrains@centurytel.net|20:55:31|06/17/2009|
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20|1|Welll.................|rainj|jmrains@centurytel.net|20:54:18|06/17/2009|
The judge set the amount of childsupport the reason it is so low is because my ex said he was not working but the truth is is that he is working for cash and i cannot prove it. He has to pay it to the court house and they mail it to me. My oldest DD's father pays $617 a month for her and so i couldnt believe that my ex got away with paying $200 a month for 2 kids. Its just crazy. But i can have it reviewed after 6 months or maybe its a year but as long as he is working for cash there is really nothing i can do about it. I would have to be able to prove that he is getting paid cash and that is not the easiest thing to do. He was not order to provide insurance or anything. I really should have fought it more but i really just wanted it all over with you know what i mean. Im just glad to be divorced from him. I know that i will have to deal with him until the kids are 18 so im really just going to try to make the best out of it what ever it is and go from there. I know its not going to be easy at times and i know its going to be pretty ugly at times as well. Im going to try to protect the kids as much as i can from this mess. Just because he wants to bad mouth me to them doesnt mean that i have to do the same they will figure it all out in the end.
Thanks all for listening to me vent it really has helped :)
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22|2|I understand, Jen, really....I 'cut a deal' on the amount the boys' father pays me too....he makes good money, and I've only done a wage review once in 15 yrs (about 4 yrs ago). He had so many promotions and raises, it would have doubled what he was paying me....but once again, to avoid giving him any ammunition against me, I only had it raised by about $150 a month instead of the additional $375 he should have had to pay....geez, do I get a gold star yet? Lol And he still gripes to the boys that he pays me 'all his money'....yeah, he's not even paying the guidelines' 27%, give me a break.|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|21:15:43|06/17/2009|
Posted on Jun-17-09 at 09:15 PM (Eastern) by 98.213.175.237
ETA: I get about $800 a month in child support for two children....and that is not even at the full 27% per the state's guidelines....now, do you see how much money he should have?? He lives in a crap house, doesnt have a darn thing to show for the huge salary he makes. But he wants to blame me/my boys for not having money....my boys are seeing the truth, and I didnt have to say a darn word.
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy."