I wanted to post this before I get too busy to do so and although it is a day early, please know that I am thinking about you tomorrow.
Mother's Day can be a pretty bittersweet day for someone who is grieving. Here is something that I have shared before and I think it is a good one for Mother's Day.
The Power of Love
By Vanessa Houk
If someone were to ask me, "How can you possibly survive the loss of a child?", I'm sure I would just stare at them blankly and wouldn't be able to come up with an answer and yet August 29 will mark the five year anniversary of my son, Dylan's death. Somehow I am still here. When I think back to 1998 and the years that have followed, I remember many times when I did not want to be. Over the years I have tried to describe what that pain feels like, but I have come to the conclusion that there are no words for it. That void is huge.
Losing a child changes a family, changes a marriage. Love is powerful though, and ultimately that is what saved us.
Grief is private. Even though you can have people supporting you, nobody else can feel your feelings and nobody else can face that darkness. In some ways I felt like I had also lost my closest friend-- my husband who was simply unable to be my sounding board. He hurt for me and I hurt for him and collectively our pain was just too much to handle. So we learned to respect that and on the rare occasions when we talk about our respective grief, it is done cautiously. It is a great testament to our love and friendship that our marriage is still strong. Many marriages, when faced with such a loss, are not as fortunate.
I thought we were all mostly okay and then my four year old daughter came to me and had this conversation.
"Mom, we used to be so happy, huh?"
"Yes," I said. "We were happy."
"And then Dylan died and now we have all been so sad."
I nodded.
"Mom, when will we be happy again?"
Up until her brother's death, her world had been full of walks down the long, dirt road to the mailbox and watching for baby birds nesting in the trees near the cabin we lived in. The closest she had come to death was when one of mean momma cat's babies died. Nothing had come close to preparing her for this. Nothing prepared any of us.
That fall she could have entered pre-school, but the thought of sending her away, even just for a few hours was inconceivable to me. She was my reason for getting up and facing each day. When I wanted to hole up and stay home, she would cajole me to take her to the park so she could swing higher and higher. She pointed to birds and flowers and made me see beauty again. "Look at that!," she would say. And on the days when I could barely drag myself out of bed in the morning, she would be there. "I love you.," she would remind me. She kept me going.
We tried to reenact some sort of a life. Those months were a lot like trying to get around a large city without the benefit of a road map, or a guide. I was lost a lot of the time. I felt like a different person and my old life just didn't fit me anymore. I had to find new things to do. We moved away from Central Oregon and eventually made our way back home to Ashland.
Slowly, time passed and simple things began to ground me again. The taste of a perfectly ripe peach, seeing the ocean, the scent of baked apples and cinnamon. These tiny things added up and I found my way back. And I have learned that life is a gift and love transcends time.
1|1|thanks for sharing this my mom has lost 3|karrkamper|jdouglas4@mchsi.com|18:58:55|05/09/2009|
sons one at birth
the other son was 21 and that was just 25 years ago allready
now my last brother committed suicide this last jan
so yes how does one deal with all this loss vickie
2|1|Beautifully written|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|19:19:26|05/09/2009|
thank you for sharing 3|1|This was so very touching. (m)|maraj|maraj64@hotmail.com|20:13:45|05/09/2009|
I'm so sorry for your loss & honestly don't know what to say. Only a mom who has lost a child can feel the depths of your pain & heartache. I must say, a type of pain & heartache I pray to God I NEVER experience.
One of my sisters lost her son on July 9th, 1997 to drowning when he was just 16 yrs. old. Someone could've just as well have ripped out her heart that day cuz I believe that's when it truly stopped beating. She passed away unexpectedly of a massive heart attack on July 16th, 2003, 6 yrs. & 1 week to the day he drowned.
Please identify yourself in 1st email. If I haven't traded w/you before, I will require *legit* trade references & will gladly provide the same.
4|2|OH WOW, I UNDEDSTAND THIS SO WELL....MISS OUR SON VERY BADLY. BUT YOU JUST KEEP ON GOING SOMEHOW|JOYHAPPYONE|DAIDOLA5@AOL.COM|20:16:47|05/09/2009|
HUGS 5|1|Daugther would of been 31 in Sept.|seahawk|Seahawks57@aol.com|20:30:53|05/09/2009|
I was 5 months along when we lost our baby girl. We named her Jaclyn Susan. I miss her dearly.That was the hardest thing that ever happened to me. We were a Army family in Ft Lewis Washington state & it was so hard to be 3,ooo miles away from home. But we had met very good friends and she helped me through it. To this day we are still friends.I live in Pa. and they live in Calif.But after that I lost 2 more babbies. So we don't have any kids.I truely miss that. So I do know what you & others are going through.
God Bless,
seahawk