Hello...
As some of you know, my husband passed away from cancer 7 weeks ago yesterday. We would have been married 40 years in July. I am thinking of taking early retirement in June. It is very hard coming to work everyday. I was off 6 days after Dave died, other than that I have been to work everyday. It is a struggle getting up and catching a 6:20am bus every morning...especially since if I watch my spending...I really don't need to.
I can watch my 5 year granddaughter over the summer for a few days a week and there are some things I would like to do around the house. However, I am afraid if I don't come to work I will sit in a chair and cry, read a book, watch TV, etc... and accomplish not much of anything. I need to feel like I am needed or accomplishing something, I think that is why I continue coming to work. Any suggestions??
Thank You
Debbie 1|1|Debbie why not find just a part time job doing something you've always wanted to do Maybe someplace where you interact with people to keep you talkative or some place with children or puppies they always make me happy|teener|teenerzacsneenee@yahoo.com|08:01:38|04/24/2009|
>Posted on Apr-24-09 at 07:53 AM (Eastern)
>by 161.150.2.55Hello...
>As some of you know, my husband
>passed away from cancer 7 weeks
>ago yesterday. We would have been
>married 40 years in July. I
>am thinking of taking early retirement
>in June. It is very hard
>coming to work everyday. I was
>off 6 days after Dave died,
>other than that I have been
>to work everyday. It is a
>struggle getting up and catching a
>6:20am bus every morning...especially since if
>I watch my spending...I really don't
>need to.
>I can watch my 5 year granddaughter
>over the summer for a few
>days a week and there are
>some things I would like to
>do around the house. However, I
>am afraid if I don't come
>to work I will sit in
>a chair and cry, read a
>book, watch TV, etc... and accomplish
>not much of anything. I need
>to feel like I am needed
>or accomplishing something, I think that
>is why I continue coming to
>work. Any suggestions??
>Thank You
>Debbie
2|1|Debbie, I have been thinking about you....I think you are good to think of what you need emotionally right now, in keeping busy and having contact with people....if you dont need to work, I agree with Tina find something you would enjoy a couple days a week, or volunteer with an organization that is near to your heart...animal shelters, hospice, nursing home....contact your church and ask if they have any recommendations for volunteer work...you could do it as often as you would like, and it would give you something to get out of the house as well as doing for others to make yourself feel good.|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|08:07:15|04/24/2009|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 3|2|My mom had this similar situation, I had her move in with me. Her activities - she has visited Louisianna after the Katrina episode, visited with other relatives, at home she does have her must tv shows, sews quilts, does puzzles, her flowers, reading - ...|car_mont|car_mont@hotmail.com|12:09:27|04/24/2009|
My heart goes out to you more than you will ever know.. and I do hope you won't get into a depression..
Keeping in mind if there was anywhere you ever wanted to go or do.. and within your budget, do it!!!
PLEASE INCLUDE - USER NAME AND YOUR OFFER if we are in a trade.
4|1|I agree with volunteering somewhere (m)|doycosmo|eddie2kevin@tampabay.rr.com|12:50:41|04/24/2009|
Maybe you can volunteer at your local elementary school, we have lots of volunteers who do not have kids inthe school and it really keeps them occupied all day and they have so much fun with the kids
Joyce
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5|1|* hugs * (more)|Sara_s_Mom|IClipCoupons@gmail.com|19:08:40|04/24/2009|
Posted on Apr-24-09 at 07:08 PM (Eastern) by 72.82.112.55
I am so sorry for your loss.... I hope things start looking up soon.
My opinion: You are depressed, and who wouldn't be? I urge you to speak to your doctor about it -- maybe you could benefit from some medication. Reach out to others and maybe volunteer?
Are you sure you want to retire? I think you should wait at least a year before you make any big decisions if you don't have to. I know getting to work is a struggle, but that's what depression does... it sucks your energy and everything takes longer to do. Schedule yourself a check up with your doctor... next week! Take care of yourself and don't be ashamed to take medicine. You wouldn't begrudge a post partum mom a little Zoloft, so why not at least consider some for you since you are struggling so much. Is there a grief counseling available nearby? Often times you can find a grief support group.
Do you have any vacation time that you could use up to take a nice trip? Even if you kept working and used a vacation day once a week to volunteer at a school that could be good for you. Kids have a way of cheering you up. Unless you have a lot of people around you all day, staying home (even with a kid) can be pretty lonely...
Edited to add: Our librarian here in town lost her son in a car accident. She looked very worn out and sad for months. Months! Grief takes its own time. It was a struggle for her to work too... your mind wanders off, you don't sleep well, etc. But after about six months or so, she didn't look as devastated.
Also, financially, if you take early retirement are you going to cut your other benefits? Kind of like if you opt to take Social Security early you get less than if you'd have waited to til 65 or later. Do put some thought into that aspect too... it is a big financial decision too :)
:)
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6|2|Thank you for writing...|DE01740|DESimunek@yahoo.com|15:48:50|04/25/2009|
However, I've been to the doctor and I am not depressed and was told "no medication is needed".
Dave and I both PLANNED on retiring this year. I have been counting the months..I do not like my job. Dave
worked 41 years and never got to retire. I do NOT want that to happen to me.
At this point - finances are not a problem thanks to careful savings and planning. We had planned on traveling and fixing our home up a bit. We have lived here since 1973 (there are no mortgage payments to be paid just taxes and insurance premiums) but it needs to be modernized a bit. So, I will do some remodeling....things we had talked about...but nothing too major. I really don't want to travel without him although I do have a friend who has been a widow for 10 years and is looking for a travel companion. So, I might take a couple of one or two day trips with her to see how I handle that.
I am tired of hearing don't make any changes for at least a year...what difference will a year make?
Without being rude...I am looking for ideas to occupy my time and to feel useful as well because I am going to leave
my job as we planned whether it be in June or October.
Thank You
Debbie 7|3|Do some mystery shopping! That will give you new places to eat or places to shop |sneakers1234|ross417@msn.com|20:03:25|04/25/2009|
and you'll make a little (very little) money, it's kind of fun! 9|3|I didn't mean to offend ya...|Sara_s_Mom|IClipCoupons@gmail.com|20:49:02|04/25/2009|
A year probably won't make a difference... but sometimes things do change. They say to wait a year so that you are not reacting rashly and would regret it later. Like if you sold your house, moved to Maui and then missed the house you made a home with your hubby kind of thing. That's all I meant, honest!
If you guys planned to retire anyway, then go for it. I'm glad to hear you have all your finances squared away. My uncle died suddenly at nearly retirement age. My aunt was a bit younger and had to scrimp by for about a year or so until she could collect Social Security as she wasn't old enough and they had no other real savings. The family helped out as much as they could to get her through that rough patch of no income.
I've known many grieving widows from the job I used to have with an Estate atty and he always advised them to hold off on major decisions early on.
No offense intended... I'm sorry you were hurt. 8|1|((((Debbie)))))~*~|RebekkaVA|queen_vulture@msn.com|20:07:47|04/25/2009|
I think about you all the time and pray that the Lord gives you strength through all of this. I can't say I know how you feel because I don't, but I wanted you to know that if you ever need to talk or anything, I'm here for you girlie. As for retiring, I would say Go For it. Maybe after that, if you decide you'd still like to work, then maybe find a part time job, even if only a few hours a week. Also volunteering is a great idea too. There are so many places that need volunteers and I'm sure they would appreciate you for your help. Another thing is, do you like to do any types of crafts? If so, maybe you can teach a craft class at a local craft store or at a nursing home or assisted living type place. Anyways girlie, I will be thinking about you and praying. Hugs, Rebekka
~*~REBEKKA~*~
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Married to my Soul Mate William
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10|2|Do you have any pets? Even a fish - gives you something to look at and calms.. Red Cross training for emergency situations.. they always need volunteers and you will meet alot of nice community people..|car_mont|car_mont@hotmail.com|23:06:20|04/25/2009|
PLEASE INCLUDE - USER NAME AND YOUR OFFER if we are in a trade. 11|3|Debbie.. what do you love to do??|Kristy|mi3zons1@yahoo.com|10:00:30|04/26/2009|
For my grandfather it was reading. So when he stopped his jobs he volunteered time at a literacy program for inner city children. My grandma on the other hand donates her time senior centers. She goes twice a week to spend time with some folks who don't have visitors. I would encourage you if money isn't an issue to find your gift and then go share it in some meaningful way. Even if it's finding some local shelter and using your coupon talents to help them stock their shelves!!
"Women should not have children after 35. Thirty-five children are enough." - anonymous (Only 28 to GO!)
12|1|Debbie...|sunriver|lithiasalt@cheerful.com|12:25:01|04/26/2009|
I can imagine how much you have been hurting and you've been in my thoughts lately.
Some ideas that I thought of:
Can you play the piano? My 93 old grandfather in law goes to the "old folks home" to play the piano "for the old people" as he says and he is one of the funniest, sharpest people I know. His life is so rich and he's someone I personally try to mirror.
Does your community have a homeless shelter for youth or a home for young moms? Or a battered woman's shelter? Any of those places would dearly love you to help use your couponing skills to help keep them going.
Schools-- SMART reading program. They match up adult volunteers with kids who need some help with reading. This program is excellent for the kids and also is so worthy of time. Also since many schools have had huge budget cuts, they always need help almost everywhere. You could help hands on in the classroom (think Kindergarten, at that age they will make you laugh every day), or wherever you are most needed.
CASA- court appointed special advocates work to be a "voice" for children who are going through the courts. You would get training and then you would be assigned a child whom you would spend time with and then speak for.
Or let's think outside the box for a second. IS there anything that you can see your community needs and is not getting? Maybe your parks need better clean up? Maybe you live in an area where children need access to more books? Or whatever? You could start a project specially in your husbands memory and enlist the help of friends and neighbors to get it going.
You're going to be okay even though your definition of okay changed. Hang in there! Vanessa
13|2|I think taking care of your grandaughter|angNC|memawang@embarqmail.com|20:41:31|04/26/2009|
is a great idea.Plus 9 yr olds are great pals.Best of Luck and prayers to you 14|3|Decision has been made for me...my position is being eliminated...|DE01740|DESimunek@yahoo.com|13:07:12|04/28/2009|
I was told today that my position is being eliminated. Within the next two weeks, HR
is suppose to contact me to go over my severance package and let me know when my last day is.
Thank You
Debbie 15|4|Debbie, I hope you are ok with this...and a severage package is a nice bonus without having to retire/quit :) Wishing you the best in your retirement and in your endeavor to continue to be productive and in touch with your community :)|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|16:19:43|04/28/2009|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 16|1|Debbie there is one thing you simply must do and that is not give up tradeing You'd be missed here you're part of our family|teener|teenerzacsneenee@yahoo.com|16:51:10|04/28/2009|
>Posted on Apr-24-09 at 07:53 AM (Eastern)
>by 161.150.2.55Hello...
>As some of you know, my husband
>passed away from cancer 7 weeks
>ago yesterday. We would have been
>married 40 years in July. I
>am thinking of taking early retirement
>in June. It is very hard
>coming to work everyday. I was
>off 6 days after Dave died,
>other than that I have been
>to work everyday. It is a
>struggle getting up and catching a
>6:20am bus every morning...especially since if
>I watch my spending...I really don't
>need to.
>I can watch my 5 year granddaughter
>over the summer for a few
>days a week and there are
>some things I would like to
>do around the house. However, I
>am afraid if I don't come
>to work I will sit in
>a chair and cry, read a
>book, watch TV, etc... and accomplish
>not much of anything. I need
>to feel like I am needed
>or accomplishing something, I think that
>is why I continue coming to
>work. Any suggestions??
>Thank You
>Debbie