When I was young, my Dad had a problem with alcohol. He became verbally abusive, and would also fly into physical rages, with me. After growing up like this, I left the house at 17, and never went back(with the exception, of a few months, when my brother committed suicide, to take care of my mother. But, I am scared for life in some ways.
Today my husband, and were I rearranging furniture, and he was getting annoyed, because of course I had to clean under everything. So he was moving to move something, and his hand went near my head, and I freaked and blocked my face, like he was going to hit me. Which totally pissed him off, because "after 14 years, I should know, he wouldn't hit me", and believe me, I do know it. I just have never been able to make him understand, it has nothing to do with him.
He knows the situation with my Dad, but just doesn't understand, how I can still be afraid. I wish I could make it all go away. OH! and yes I have done therapy, and am at peace with my father. I just can't shake the fear of being hit. Thanks for listening everyone. Donna
ALways looking for:
daisy sourcream .60/1, or .50/1
McDonald's Big mac Bogo's, or Free's
utz chips, any
hunt's snack pack pudding
eggland's best eggs, .50/1 or better
nabisco off 1
powerade(any)
pepperidge farm goldfish
pepperidge farm cinnamon rasin bread
pepperidge farm cakes
pepperidge farm litestyle bread
thomas's english muffins
Smuckers Orchard Select jam/jellies
skippy peanut butter off 1
jif peanut butter off 1
Kellogg's off 1
General mills off 1
viva papertowels, .75/1
cottonelle, 1.00/1 or .50/1
cottonelle wipes 1.00/1 or better
coolwhip, any
gatorade g2
coupons good on ANY coke product
sprite coupons
mystic pizza coupons
arm and hammer detergent off 1
NBPN rebates good in Ct
WINE TAG's bread, beef, poultry,cheese, deli items
Unused Stamps(small denomination's okay)
Well concealed cash
Free's(that I need)
BOGO's(that I need)
bigelow tea, any
pphf, existing funds please
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Try to get all trades out with in 12 hours of confirmation. If you do not have a board name, and feedback, I will mail my end, only after I receive your end. Happy trading. Thanks for looking, Donna
1|1|Seems like it would be an automatic response Donna|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|18:50:31|03/22/2009|
An automatic instinct to respond based on what happened to you in the past. Your husband shouldn't take it personally (I know though that would be easier said than done). But it's such an automatic response for you at this point, that you don't even think about it beforehand; therefore, it's really hard to stop it before it happens.
lauren 2|2|Exactly Lauren, it is like I block first, and then worry about who it is afterwards. I just wish my husband wouldn't take it so personal. When we were first dating, and early in our marriage, I used to scare much easier. This was the first time, in a long time, that something like this has happened.|dlpavitt|dlpavitt@att.net|18:59:04|03/22/2009|
ALways looking for:
daisy sourcream .60/1, or .50/1
McDonald's Big mac Bogo's, or Free's
utz chips, any
hunt's snack pack pudding
eggland's best eggs, .50/1 or better
nabisco off 1
powerade(any)
pepperidge farm goldfish
pepperidge farm cinnamon rasin bread
pepperidge farm cakes
pepperidge farm litestyle bread
thomas's english muffins
Smuckers Orchard Select jam/jellies
skippy peanut butter off 1
jif peanut butter off 1
Kellogg's off 1
General mills off 1
viva papertowels, .75/1
cottonelle, 1.00/1 or .50/1
cottonelle wipes 1.00/1 or better
coolwhip, any
gatorade g2
coupons good on ANY coke product
sprite coupons
mystic pizza coupons
arm and hammer detergent off 1
NBPN rebates good in Ct
WINE TAG's bread, beef, poultry,cheese, deli items
Unused Stamps(small denomination's okay)
Well concealed cash
Free's(that I need)
BOGO's(that I need)
bigelow tea, any
pphf, existing funds please
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Try to get all trades out with in 12 hours of confirmation. If you do not have a board name, and feedback, I will mail my end, only after I receive your end. Happy trading. Thanks for looking, Donna
3|1|Donna, do you (m)|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|18:59:57|03/22/2009|
get scared too? Or is it just like a moment where you're taken aback, and then you recover? If it's more than a momentary reaction, if it puts you in a state of panic or anxiety, it's possible you might need more therapy. Just a thought, take it with a grain of salt.
My husband was diagnosed with PTSD a few years back, so I've read up a lot on PTS and PTSD.
lauren 4|2|Sorry, one more thought...lol|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|19:04:30|03/22/2009|
I was in a car accident when I was about 18, a guy hit me from behind and I saw him approaching and saw the impact. After that, everytime I was sitting at a light or at a stop, I had a panic attack when someone came up behind me. I thought for sure they were going to hit me. I'd start sweating and just be terrified.
Over the years, slowly, that reaction dissipated. Finally it went away. Haha though, I was recently rear-ended twice and I'm having mild symptoms of this again....but that's beside the point. My point is, you mentioned that you used to startle much easier, so maybe your "startle response" is getting less and less over time. But it can take years for it to completely go away.
lauren 5|3|Yes it has gotten better through the years. I actually went for therapy, two different times. Once when I was single, and had to go again, when we first started living together. It is hard to explain in a forum, but it was like I was afraid, once we were living together, he was going to turn into a monster( and started having panic attacks). Of course that never happened, but I knew, I wasn't done with therapy.|dlpavitt|dlpavitt@att.net|19:18:16|03/22/2009|
ALways looking for:
daisy sourcream .60/1, or .50/1
McDonald's Big mac Bogo's, or Free's
utz chips, any
hunt's snack pack pudding
eggland's best eggs, .50/1 or better
nabisco off 1
powerade(any)
pepperidge farm goldfish
pepperidge farm cinnamon rasin bread
pepperidge farm cakes
pepperidge farm litestyle bread
thomas's english muffins
Smuckers Orchard Select jam/jellies
skippy peanut butter off 1
jif peanut butter off 1
Kellogg's off 1
General mills off 1
viva papertowels, .75/1
cottonelle, 1.00/1 or .50/1
cottonelle wipes 1.00/1 or better
coolwhip, any
gatorade g2
coupons good on ANY coke product
sprite coupons
mystic pizza coupons
arm and hammer detergent off 1
NBPN rebates good in Ct
WINE TAG's bread, beef, poultry,cheese, deli items
Unused Stamps(small denomination's okay)
Well concealed cash
Free's(that I need)
BOGO's(that I need)
bigelow tea, any
pphf, existing funds please
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Try to get all trades out with in 12 hours of confirmation. If you do not have a board name, and feedback, I will mail my end, only after I receive your end. Happy trading. Thanks for looking, Donna
6|3|It's just part of who you are|lauri|boysnlauri@aol.com|19:19:35|03/22/2009|
http://www.refundsweepers.com/dcforum/feedback/1265.html
as a person. Things like that just stay with you. Sometimes is just closer to the top and sometimes it's tucked away... but it's always there. And it's okay! My hubby has a hard time with somethings from my past. But we said "better or worse" usually if something has "set me off" I just try to go for a walk or be active. Then give him a big hug and tell him it's okay... it's just the way I am. Just give him and yourself a little TLC. HTH Lauri 7|4|Donna...my Dad used to use his belt on us....|BusterBrown|srfreezerqueen@hotmail.com|19:59:59|03/22/2009|
and to this day even his "little jokes" or cracks cause me to tense up beyond reason. He often wonders why i do not go to see him that often(i make him come here as a general rule-my turf, my rules)......I deal with him because he is my father and i feel i have to....I do not respect him as a father (or should i say, how i remember his fathering ways)....but have tried to learn from his(and some of my moms) actions....it is the real reason Bill and i never had kids-we were both afraid of repeating how we were raised).....
Many would say my issues with my dad would pay for early retirement for a shrink.....so you are not alone....Hopefully hubby will take time to read all of our comments, and understand that we do not choose to react this way....but it is the way it is....Jodie 10|5|jodie, will be emailing you, either later today or tomorrow girlie.|dlpavitt|dlpavitt@att.net|06:03:58|03/23/2009|
ALways looking for:
daisy sourcream .60/1, or .50/1
McDonald's Big mac Bogo's, or Free's
utz chips, any
hunt's snack pack pudding
eggland's best eggs, .50/1 or better
nabisco off 1
powerade(any)
pepperidge farm goldfish
pepperidge farm cinnamon rasin bread
pepperidge farm cakes
pepperidge farm litestyle bread
thomas's english muffins
Smuckers Orchard Select jam/jellies
skippy peanut butter off 1
jif peanut butter off 1
Kellogg's off 1
General mills off 1
viva papertowels, .75/1
cottonelle, 1.00/1 or .50/1
cottonelle wipes 1.00/1 or better
coolwhip, any
gatorade g2
coupons good on ANY coke product
sprite coupons
mystic pizza coupons
arm and hammer detergent off 1
NBPN rebates good in Ct
WINE TAG's bread, beef, poultry,cheese, deli items
Unused Stamps(small denomination's okay)
Well concealed cash
Free's(that I need)
BOGO's(that I need)
bigelow tea, any
pphf, existing funds please
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Try to get all trades out with in 12 hours of confirmation. If you do not have a board name, and feedback, I will mail my end, only after I receive your end. Happy trading. Thanks for looking, Donna
8|1|My feelings are like Jodie's, I'll be 53 soon, I jump and flinch whenever startled|Mackiesmudder|Mackiesmudder@aol.com|23:07:12|03/22/2009|
I never, ever laid a hand on Amy, I cannot bear to see a child spanked, I have to leave. I'm not saying it is wrong to spank your child, just as a beaten child, I can't take it. One of my sisters never had children because she was too afraid. I was diagnosed with PTSD. Every once in awhile, 2 of my sisters and i talk about it together, it is our way of dealing. Tell your DH, it is absolutely nothing against him, it just never leaves.
Cathie
9|2|Cathy, I know what you mean. I make a point to hug my daughter every day, and tell her I love her, and that I am proud of her. She is only 6, but It is so important to me, that she grow knowing she is loved and cared for. My memories at her age, are all so scary. I do feel better now that I brought this out. Makes me feel better to know, what I am going through, is normal for the experiences, I have had.|dlpavitt|dlpavitt@att.net|06:00:23|03/23/2009|
ALways looking for:
daisy sourcream .60/1, or .50/1
McDonald's Big mac Bogo's, or Free's
utz chips, any
hunt's snack pack pudding
eggland's best eggs, .50/1 or better
nabisco off 1
powerade(any)
pepperidge farm goldfish
pepperidge farm cinnamon rasin bread
pepperidge farm cakes
pepperidge farm litestyle bread
thomas's english muffins
Smuckers Orchard Select jam/jellies
skippy peanut butter off 1
jif peanut butter off 1
Kellogg's off 1
General mills off 1
viva papertowels, .75/1
cottonelle, 1.00/1 or .50/1
cottonelle wipes 1.00/1 or better
coolwhip, any
gatorade g2
coupons good on ANY coke product
sprite coupons
mystic pizza coupons
arm and hammer detergent off 1
NBPN rebates good in Ct
WINE TAG's bread, beef, poultry,cheese, deli items
Unused Stamps(small denomination's okay)
Well concealed cash
Free's(that I need)
BOGO's(that I need)
bigelow tea, any
pphf, existing funds please
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Try to get all trades out with in 12 hours of confirmation. If you do not have a board name, and feedback, I will mail my end, only after I receive your end. Happy trading. Thanks for looking, Donna