i usually dont post my personal info but i have asked all my friends and family and got there oppionion,the problem starts with my 18 year old daughter she graduated june 2008 she refuse to go to college get a job and very rearly helps at home she thinks she can xcome and go as she please she sleeps all days on some days theis past saturday she claims she got sick at a party and i could smell the alchole on her she arrived home at 10 am . and took a shower and sleep all day untill aroun 630 pm she ate dinner and was in bed by 8pm,she refuse to get a job anywhere we sggest lovcal stores target,ross,kohls,dolalr tree 99 cents store ect she says the more i ask her to get a job she said she wont to do it,in 4 months it will be 1 year since her graduation, and she has done nothing no job no school ect.my husband(her dad) says we need to kick her out,my other daughter is 17 has had the same job for 3 years and gives me $20 a week for gas to take her to work,and is very responsable.i just ama t my wits end on what to do i do not want to kick her out,my fear ios where will she go,how will she eat ect...she has already oved out in oct to jan so she just came back,so i know that she will not have a place to stay.what dose a mother do??? i have suggested job core,trade sschool and her answer alwasy is dont tell me what to do......but its my house and she dose nothing,helps with nothing,refuse to get a job,has anyone had anything like this happen to them could you please post advice ,how can i get her motavated,my mom suggested stop buiying her things which i have ,her and her aunt had plans to go jiob hunting today and guss what she took off with a friend and didnt tell me a thing shes not home yet so i dout she will even come home....any help as this is going to drive me crazy.... 1|1|Here is my opinion inside...|Skaytes|skaytez@gmail.com|06:44:59|02/24/2009|
Last edited on Feb-24-09 at 06:50 AM (Eastern) by 67.236.157.34
Posted on Feb-24-09 at 06:44 AM (Eastern) by 67.236.157.34
Having raised 4 kids and "been there, done that" with your situation, here is my opinion on this. You have to do 'tough love' on them. I know it's hard, but believe me, they WILL survive! As long as you 'enable' them and let them get away with doing nothing, they are going to continue to take advantage of it. They KNOW they can do what ever they want, and that you will just let them at this point. You did right to not buy her anything as well. No supplying money, cigarettes, gas money, pay her bills..whatever. She has to learn to be responsible for herself and don't let her get to you thru guilt either..they reeallly try to use that on you as well.
You will have to make a FIRM stand..tell them "Ok..you have till xx/xx/xxxx to get a job or be enrolled in college and attend full time or get out. If you are not doing either on that date, you WILL find your clothes packed and sitting on the lawn and will not be allowed to stay here any longer. Period." and follow thru. They will find a place to stay and won't starve..they will plead, try the guilt trip on you...the whole nine yards. They will not be responsible unless you MAKE them be responsible. I had to do this with both my one daughter and son. He didn't speak to me for a couple of years but now we are SUPER close (my daughter as well) and over and over they tell me that was the best thing I could have done for them. It made them grow up and become responsible, mature adults and they are really glad I did that now.
You are a parent first, friend second to them. It's your job to make them into responsible adults and unfortunately no one said it was going to be a easy job either, but again as long as you enable them, they will take advantage of it and your 'guilt' over worrying about them. There isn't a 'easy' way out of it when they are in this 'mode'.
** edited to add:
I always tell all my kids...my epileptic daughter here at home as well included..you live in this house, you HELP in this house. They are expected to do their share in helping clean, keep their rooms neat, etc. Even my handicapped daughter on ventilator can 'help'..she takes the toys out of her bed when we change sheets, she pulls the pillow cases off her pillows (she has limited strength and ability to do most things) and even lifts her buns up to get her diaper changed. Babying them and enabling them is NOT going to 'help' them. They need structure and rules and need to know they have to do their part in the family etc. You are not going to be around forever..they need to be taught responbility for theirselves to be self sufficient and independant etc for life.
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2|2|Good LORD, my brother lived at home til he was 25 or so:|aloha2u|alohamillion@yahoo.com|09:46:28|02/24/2009|
He did work but kept all hours, and never paid my parents a dime. And to top it all, his girlfriend lived there as well for many years too (working but never paying anything either.) At some point, you have to say enough is enough! My parents never did say anything and the girlfriend finally pushed him to get their own place...but he is still irresponsible and takes advantage of my parents who have always let him. Take a stand and follow thru just like Kathy says =)
Stacey
3|3|I AGREE WITH BOTH THE LAST 2 PEOPLE...YOU ARE ENABELING HER, SO STOP IT.....I RAISED 5 AND SOME TRIED ALL SORTS OF THINGS, BUT ALL TURNED OUT OK OR ALMOST OK ROFL|JOYHAPPYONE|DAIDOLA5@AOL.COM|20:27:00|02/24/2009|
I'M TOO GOOD LOOKING TO BE THIS OLD...AT MY AGE I'VE SEEN IT ALL, I'VE HEARD IT ALL, AND I'VE DONE IT ALL..I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER IT ALL!!!!!!!! 4|1|Time to set some bounderies.....|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|20:48:12|02/24/2009|
I would give her a deadline to get a job. I would also write up a contract regarding what she is expected to do in order to remain living in your house. If she is not willing to follow through, I would tell her it is time to move out.
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