Last edited on Feb-22-09 at 05:06 PM (Eastern) by 64.12.116.68
Last edited on Feb-22-09 at 05:04 PM (Eastern) by 64.12.116.68
Posted on Feb-22-09 at 05:03 PM (Eastern) by 64.12.116.68
Okay...I've had it....
As some of you may know, my son is from my first marriage...he is a fantastic kid (and I'm not just saying that)....he's well mannered, bright always gets on the honor roll, his teachers LOVE him and he's got a terrific sense of humor...anyways....he is the only "step" child in my husband's entire family (meaning everyone has been married to the same spouse and their family is "traditional"....
Now with this said, my husband treats my son very well...because I've always made it clear that he is my priority and that if he couldn't accept him as his own than he didn't need to be with me....
Well......my sister in law and her husband (Doug's brother and his wife) have never acknowledged his birthday and last Christmas didn't even to bother to get him a present so my son sat there while they handed out their presents to everyone and said they must have forgot his at home (Whatever....I LEFT immediately with him)I should tell you that my son knows the score and understands that though they may have money they obviously don't have any class...and is not hurt by their actions since I've explained to him it is their problem...
So....my husband tells me that his mom called him last week to remind him of Allie's Birthday (my sister in law and her husband's daughter) ....I told him "so".....then I told him exactly how I felt and that I was sick of overlooking their ignorance and didn't want to even get her a gift...but he said he had to....I told him fine NO MORE than $20 in a card and that I didn't want to put my name or my son's name on the card....I wanted to make it perfectly clear that I'm DONE with their crap and their ignorance.....he says he can't help their behavior,,,and I do understand that...but it makes me SOOOOO angry..so I told him the next time he mother calls him up to *remind him of someone's birthday...he ought to tell her she needs to *remind others of Devon's birthday...
I'm done with their ignorance....
So my question is: So what would you have done for her birthday????
1|1|Kelli, I am so sorry your son has had to endure this behavior from your SIL...he is an innocent kid, despite how she might feel about "traditional family", she is an adult and should not behave in such a way....that being said, I dont think it'd be right to take a stand (which I understand you wanting to do!) by making the little girl the 'example'...she isnt to blame for her parent's attitudes or actions. I think if this were me (and it could be me as my DH is my boys' dad in that he raised them, but they are not his biological children, but thankfully his family has always treated them no differently) I would give the girl her bday gift. If you really want things to change, I would suggest you have a heart to heart (with your DH involved) with his brother and SIL....remind them your son is a part of the family even if he isnt your DH's biological child...he loves him and treats him as his own. If they respect him they should do the same. I hope they are open to listening and realizing how much they are hurting your son and change how they see his place in the family....|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|17:09:44|02/22/2009|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 3|2|I totally understand that..and have been doing that for years...but for some reason|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|17:14:06|02/22/2009|
after their behavior at Christmas (literally she and her kids are OBNOXIOUS....they are horribly YUPPY like) and look down on others...
I've just decided that I'm NO longer going to go out of my way to please people that don't care one wit about me nor treat me with respect...I'd rather do for people who aren't "related" to me....
So though I understand what you mean and have always taken that route in the past, their ignorance over Christmas will NEVER be forgotten as I watched my son look around at everyone opening the presents they handed out yet somehow "forgot for him"......he's just too important to me...these people don't mean a hill of beans to me.... 7|3|Well, if you've tried in the past and they still have no consideration, then I guess they leave you no choice but to take the action you see fit....I completely understand.....if it were my boys being treated like that repeatedly despite my best efforts to bridge the gap, I think I would have to do the same thing. And I agree that Donna has a good idea to just eliminate bdays outside the household all together, that way the girl doesnt feel singled out. |saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|17:27:46|02/22/2009|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 2|1|YOU DID..exactly what I would do!!|shellysmsmo|jpksms@sbcglobal.net|17:10:38|02/22/2009|
You are so right on the money.... I've been lucky... Johns family has taken travis and haley..and me....IN as their own. They are always so good with all of us!!
They are adults...and they know better!! AND devon is a kid....AND he is the SAME as the rest of the family!! GRRR makes me mad....Devons birthday is just as special as the
other kids in the family.. AND traditional??? what's that??? This is the real world nowadays!!! HANG in there...your a smart woman....I've known that for a long time..and you did and
said the right thing. You sent $20 and a card...which I think was good. You could have stood your ground and not sent anything....I know it's hard trying to do the SAME thing...
BUT it's not the little girls fault..or any other kids in the family...BUT I do know how you feel.... BUT I know you would have done alot more for her birthday .if Devon wouldn't have been left out..
maybe once they receive the card they will see that they were really wrong!!! Kids kinda get in the middle of the adults....and that's not fair!!
4|1|Kelly, I totally understand, where you are coming from. ALthough, my daughter, is traditional(not a step child) My husbands brother, and wife, did the same thing to my daughter. Did not even ONCE recognize her birthday, then last year(2007)no Christmas present either. This year, I didn't get their kids a thing. I am done, with it. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do. I have done the same with my MIL, I told some time ago, not to remind about birthdays, because I will no longer be buying presents. She understande where I am comng from, so it hasn't been an issue. I am sorry this is happening to you. If you are like me, It bothers me, but at the same time it doesn't bother me. I am sure you KWIM. Hang in there. Donna|dlpavitt|dlpavitt@att.net|17:17:33|02/22/2009|
ALways looking for:
daisy sourcream .60/1, or .50/1
McDonald's Big mac Bogo's, or Free's
utz chips, any
hunt's snack pack pudding
eggland's best eggs, .50/1 or better
nabisco off 1
powerade(any)
pepperidge farm goldfish
pepperidge farm cinnamon rasin bread
pepperidge farm cakes
pepperidge farm litestyle bread
thomas's english muffins
Smuckers Orchard Select jam/jellies
skippy peanut butter off 1
jif peanut butter off 1
Kellogg's off 1
General mills off 1
viva papertowels, .75/1
cottonelle, 1.00/1 or .50/1
cottonelle wipes 1.00/1 or better
coolwhip, any
gatorade g2
coupons good on ANY coke product
sprite coupons
mystic pizza coupons
arm and hammer detergent off 1
NBPN rebates good in Ct
WINE TAG's bread, beef, poultry,cheese, deli items
Unused Stamps(small denomination's okay)
Well concealed cash
Free's(that I need)
BOGO's(that I need)
bigelow tea, any
pphf, existing funds please
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Try to get all trades out with in 12 hours of confirmation. If you do not have a board name, and feedback, I will mail my end, only after I receive your end. Happy trading. Thanks for looking, Donna
5|2|Donna, that's a very good approach...|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|17:20:12|02/22/2009|
I hadn't thought about telling them we won't be celebrating birthdays outside the home anymore....I think that's pretty ingenious! Maybe I might think about doing that....certainly won't be any skin off my back..... 6|3|Oh, I just thought of something else,,,I could donate to a charity in their child's name for their bday gift|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|17:23:14|02/22/2009|
Last edited on Feb-22-09 at 05:33 PM (Eastern) by 64.12.116.68
Posted on Feb-22-09 at 05:23 PM (Eastern) by 64.12.116.68
and enclose the certificate or proof inside...that way I'm still acknowledging their birthday, and I'll atleast feel good about it!
He hasn't given the card yet,,,so I might buy a flock of chicks through the Heifer Internation Foundation that will supply a family with chicks that will produce eggs for them for the year and donate them in Allie's name...I think this gift is far more meaningful....
Bonus: it will drive my sil nuts because there's not one thing she can say about it without sounding like the witch she really is LOL!
8|4|kelley...don't beat yourself up over this....|shellysmsmo|jpksms@sbcglobal.net|17:39:21|02/22/2009|
I know it's hard...I always say..I'm not going to get this or that...AND then, I break down and do it... BUT when your upset and you feel wronged...it feels good to say..NO, i'm not
giving in...LOL It will all work out.. atleast thats what they all say... BUT who am I...I hide under a rock with my problems....LOL SO my advice is probably not good!!
9|5|No Shelly you're advice is very good....you are a smart woman|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|17:53:04|02/22/2009|
and I respect your values and advice.....it's not that I'm beating myself up over it....I'd REALLY like to beat my sil up over it LOL...
I guess there isn't anything I can do about it now since my dh already dropped the card off....sooooo I'll have to the donation thing next month for the other kid's present....
as I said...I really don't care what they think of me anymore....I'm finished with them. 10|4|Kelly, I love that Idea. It so turns a negative, into a positive. I like it lots!!!|dlpavitt|dlpavitt@att.net|19:20:50|02/22/2009|
ALways looking for:
daisy sourcream .60/1, or .50/1
McDonald's Big mac Bogo's, or Free's
utz chips, any
hunt's snack pack pudding
eggland's best eggs, .50/1 or better
nabisco off 1
powerade(any)
pepperidge farm goldfish
pepperidge farm cinnamon rasin bread
pepperidge farm cakes
pepperidge farm litestyle bread
thomas's english muffins
Smuckers Orchard Select jam/jellies
skippy peanut butter off 1
jif peanut butter off 1
Kellogg's off 1
General mills off 1
viva papertowels, .75/1
cottonelle, 1.00/1 or .50/1
cottonelle wipes 1.00/1 or better
coolwhip, any
gatorade g2
coupons good on ANY coke product
sprite coupons
mystic pizza coupons
arm and hammer detergent off 1
NBPN rebates good in Ct
WINE TAG's bread, beef, poultry,cheese, deli items
Unused Stamps(small denomination's okay)
Well concealed cash
Free's(that I need)
BOGO's(that I need)
bigelow tea, any
pphf, existing funds please
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Try to get all trades out with in 12 hours of confirmation. If you do not have a board name, and feedback, I will mail my end, only after I receive your end. Happy trading. Thanks for looking, Donna
11|1|I'm so sorry your son has to be treated like that, my husband is step dad to my two boys and he's always treated them like his own and get this, my ex-inlaws (ex hubby's parents) they accept Cheyenne as their granddaughter and she isn't even related, Will is her bio father and not my ex, but they are wonderful and felt that if they send gifts for my son (ex bio son) then they should send to Cheyenne too, they said she shouldn't be left out and they love her as their own, they even said Will (hubby) is like a son to them too :)|RebekkaVA|queen_vulture@msn.com|21:49:57|02/22/2009|
~*~REBEKKA~*~
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Married to my Soul Mate William
"My husband has cancer, Please pray for him"
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Feedback link: http://www.refundsweepers.com/dcforum/feedback/796.html
12|2|i think all the children should be treated alike! if they cant buy for all......then they shouldnt do |couponsnsamples|cpsnsamples@aol.com|22:27:45|02/22/2009|
Posted on Feb-22-09 at 10:27 PM (Eastern) by 205.188.116.68
for any..........ive got two older children from a previous marriage.....and when my mil found out she had cancer and only a few months to live...she insisted on getting everything in order.......even down to her own obiturary...and when they were counting grandkids..greatgrandkids.....my sil said..theres..so and so many grandkids...she spoke up and said.....NO....you forgot two.....(talking about my older kids).....she says..they are mine too......u cant leave them out.......
13|1|I'm sorry Kelly, 1 thing money cannot buy is "class" and they obviously have none|Mackiesmudder|Mackiesmudder@aol.com|22:40:14|02/22/2009|
it's a real darned shame they are so petty and small as to hurt a child
Cathie
14|1|Kelly tho DH's family did this because the family just kept getting bigger I think it would|teener|teenerzacsneenee@yahoo.com|08:20:00|02/23/2009|
work for you and with todays economy could be under those reasons We put eceryones names in a hat and each picked one name and that is who we bought a gift for Each adult got another adult and each child a child We didn't get as many gifts but it isn't really about how many gifts you get It also saved us money As the kids got older we stopped and now just get "family" gifts usually GC or special baskets 15|1|It has been two months since Christmas. You should have addressed this directly with her by now.|suezz|clearys@comcast.net|09:37:11|02/23/2009|
You could have called her and asked if you should come by and pick up the gift that they supposedly left home. Obviously there was no gift so that would have been your opening to tell her how you felt and how ugly her behavior was toward an innocent child.
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16|1|The parents' behaviors are|Gail_O|gailandlarryondrej@gmail.com|10:50:52|02/23/2009|
not the daughters fault. Give her a present. As for Christmas, I have been throught the same. When DHa nd I first married, some of my family would "forget" my step-daughters. I started making sure I took presents for them to open in case they were forgotten again. They knew I did it, but it made them feel not so left out. 17|1|What I would do|pinchinpennies|pinchinmypennies@aol.com|10:58:09|02/23/2009|
I would sit down with her, your hubby included and I would have a little chat. First of all I would make it clear how you feel about your son not being treated as part of the family, and then I would ask her how she would feel if you were to do the same. Point out the fact that the only reason her kids are considered your family is because of marriage and not blood, therefore marriage has also made your son a part of the family. Point out to her that if your son is to be excluded because he is not blood, then technically you do not have to claim her kids as your family either because they are not a blood relation. 18|2|Love your idea of Heifer Int'l:|aloha2u|alohamillion@yahoo.com|11:20:12|02/23/2009|
but since your hubby already gave the girl a gift, maybe you should finish out the year giving gifts. But then at Christmas, I think you should announce that since it is difficult to pick out just the right thing for everyone throughout the holidays, birthdays,etc that you have decided to instead, donate the combined total of all the members of each family's gift, in their name to the charity of their choice. Take several flyers and let them pick what org they want their gift money to go to. And then follow thru. I think this is a great idea, and win/win all the way around. And at least if you sis THINKS you are being a B*I*, then you know she will not be able to do anything or say anything or she will sound like the petty hag she really prob is AND hopefully you are instilling a generosity and touch of CLASS that the children may not be getting at home w/ her.
PS My son has went thru this as well with biological relatives, so I can relate and feel your sadness.