8|4|IMO---selfish is an understatement!!|shelly|shellysue49@gmail.com|13:42:17|01/19/2009|Posted on Jan-19-09 at 12:39 PM (Eastern) by 67.236.234.59
..wow, I haven't spoken to my mother in OVER 6 mo's., before we moved into this new house. She lives in Calif., Im in IN. Well I finally picked up the phone (it does go both ways, though, right?!?) on Sat., and she said she couldnt talk, was "on her way out the door". well, EVERY time I have called in over 3 yrs., she is always "on her way out the door".?!
IF we do manage to talk, she will brush me off after FIVE minutes...I am NOT exaggerating!!! Today, same thing...it was like I was bugging her. hello...I've had health issues for 4 1/2 mos. now, and she IS aware of them, 'cause my one sister told her. She cant bother to call and check on me in all this time, and when I call, she doesnt have the time. Seriously, she doesnt know ANYTHING about my life because I never have the time to tell her. I havent received a card, a letter, nothing other than a holiday card and b-day card. I dont have the time to write her when I know she won't respond to a letter either!!
Shes not married, not dating anyone, doesnt have any relationships with her grandchildren, has no friends, so there is NOTHING she is doing that could possibly be more important than her own children!
It's my b-day this Friday, and I'm just soooo sad today. She told me she "forgot" about my b-day, and asked how old I am going to be?! Said she will get a card out tomorrow. Ok, but couldn't she have spent some time catching up on the phone today? Makes one feel like crap when they know they are not important to their own Mother, for heaven's sake!!
I am SOOOO tired of trying with her. She has treated me like crap ever since my divorce....held that against me because she was living at the time, in my (now ex-husband's) condo. that he owned. when we divorced, he wanted to move back to calif., into that condo., therefore she was given a LOT of notice that she would have to move. She #*&#@ and moaned and groaned about how 'hard" that was on her.....ummmm...hello, *I* was losing my husband of 20 yrs., and our family was being torn apart, I had 2 kids to move out of state and away from their schools and friends....and it was hard on HER??!?!??!??
shelly
1|1|I'm so sorry. Hang in there|iteachca|iteachca@aol.com|12:41:00|01/19/2009|
Donna
I wanna soak up the sun
2|1|Shelly~*~|RebekkaVA|queen_vulture@msn.com|12:53:18|01/19/2009|
I'm sorry your mother hurt you like that, I think my mom is related to yours, I've gone through the same things and am now no longer speaking to my mother, it's sad yes, but it's for the best, because I just couldn't take the stress of always being treated like crap and talked to like I was dirt. Sometimes we have to make choices and even though they hurt, it's for the best, I love my mom but I just can't deal with the games and crap she plays and the way she treats myself, Will and my children...Hugs, Rebekka
~*~REBEKKA~*~
a.k.a. "Queen Vulture"
Married to my Soul Mate William
"My husband has cancer, Please pray for him"
Mommy to:
Timothy 5/80
Matthew 10/92
Cheyenne 9/99
*EMAIL*: queen_vulture@msn.com
Feedback link: http://www.refundsweepers.com/dcforum/feedback/796.html
3|1|Shelly...embrace the good and loving people in your life. I understand more than I can EVER explain on an open board. I have recently come to the realization that I am 39 years old...and don't NEED my parents anymore. It would be wonderful to have a good/loving relationship with them......but I don't NEED it to be a happy healthy adult. If the relationship with parents/siblings is bad and you KNOW you have done your part in trying to keep ties...then it is time for your own mental health to let it go. Take the high road...you made the effort and she isn't interested. Be ready and willing to welcome her if and when she chooses to have a relationship with you....but if she doesn't consider not allowing her to hurt you anymore. I am sorry for the choses she is making that are hurting you. I wish it was different for us both.....but the rest of your life can be your focus. The happiness you get each day from friends and people near to you. (((hugs)))|Barb09|Barb0969@AOL.com|13:13:09|01/19/2009|
I looked and looked and found no coupons for troll food......SO, I don't feed the trolls!! 4|2|Very well said Barb :)|RebekkaVA|queen_vulture@msn.com|13:14:08|01/19/2009|
~*~REBEKKA~*~
a.k.a. "Queen Vulture"
Married to my Soul Mate William
"My husband has cancer, Please pray for him"
Mommy to:
Timothy 5/80
Matthew 10/92
Cheyenne 9/99
*EMAIL*: queen_vulture@msn.com
Feedback link: http://www.refundsweepers.com/dcforum/feedback/796.html
5|2|those are choices she is making....not choses.|Barb09|Barb0969@AOL.com|13:15:22|01/19/2009|
I looked and looked and found no coupons for troll food......SO, I don't feed the trolls!! 6|3|I was asked to let her know about the suicide...|shelly|shellysue49@gmail.com|13:33:49|01/19/2009|
..of her step-daughter's (deceased) son.....so that is really the ONLY reason I called.
She couldn't care less~~never asked me for their address or phone number (they are unlisted, I know because I had quite the time ordering flowers to be sent) so that she could at LEAST send a card?!! Honestly, I dont understand how she can even look at herself in the mirror each day! I mean show some compassion for people that USED to be a MAJOR part of your life!
Ugh...
Shelly
7|3|I'm so sorry she's treating you that way|slimnlady|slimnlady@aol.com|13:37:47|01/19/2009|
My mom and I are best friends and there is nothing that would ever change that no matter what. She is in her 80's right now and has many health problems and it scares me to think she may die soon. I just can't believe anyone would treat their own child that way. Shame on her. Well you have your kids and that's wonderful. I wouldn't let her get to you. She has the problem not you. I can see why this would make you sad. You mentioned you had a sister. Does she treat her special? I just don't get why you getting a divorce and her having to move would make her change the way she treats you. Sounds very selfish to me. Anyway hang in there and Happy upcoming Birthday. Carol
8|4|IMO---selfish is an understatement!!|shelly|shellysue49@gmail.com|13:42:17|01/19/2009|
....she has a history of being THE most self-centered person I have ever met. The post-divorce treatment, however, pushed things over the top, for me. Her horrible treatment of me at the time in my life when i needed her the MOST sure made it alot easier for me to "cut those strings". I know shes a TOXIC person and I don't wish for a person like that to take up space in my life anymore.
still, Ive always left the door open should she decide to come around...hasnt happened yet, probably never will.
Sad...
Shelly
9|1|sounds like my mom & your mom need to get together!!|lornamartinez|ilpkc@yahoo.com|23:59:46|01/19/2009|
they deserve each other!!!
my mom would say she was soooooooooo close to me---yeah right!!
She has never--and Im 37---asked me how I am , etc... or what was going on with me.
My mom would give me the time a day...when she wants/wanted something...other than that she wouldnt talk to me about life. Just small stuff...Ive had better conversation with complete strangers!!
Anyway...chin up...unfortunately you're not the only one in this situation...sad isnt it
you have your children though....so try to be as close to them as possible and make the same mistake your mother has with you
Lorna:) 10|2|oh, i agree Lorna!! I think the only good thing|shelly|shellysue49@gmail.com|06:50:41|01/20/2009|
..my mother taught me is what NOT to do with regards to my relationships with my own children!! Now THAT is truly sad, imo......
I am sure she has a different perspective in HER mind, but all I know is that from about the age of 6, I was telling myself that if I just did everything the OPPOSITE of what she was doing, that Id turn out ok??!?
I am blessed to have wonderful relationships with my children and their spouses, etc. I am blessed to have their deep and abiding love in my life....
Shelly
11|1|I'm sorry about your lack of a mother.|shell|cshelle48@hotmail.com|13:03:09|01/20/2009|
Shelly I am really sorry to hear about how your mother treats you. My mother treats me the same way and I can see her home from our property. I have just decided to pray to God for hime to guide me and help accept that she doesn't care. Maybe counseling or talking to your preacher or a preacher would help. Maybe go to a nursing home close to where you live and adopt an elderly person who is in the same boat as you, (one that no one comes to see) that may help a little bit. God Bless shell 12|2|I'm so sorry so many ladies here have mothers that arent nuturing and involved in their lives.....I have a great mom and thank God for her, I know how lucky I am. Surround yourself with people who love you and care for you unconditionally, no matter that they dont share the same genes as you do, that's not what makes family....I've known this all my life.....I'm adopted and couldnt have asked for better parents. :)|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|13:25:21|01/20/2009|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 15|3|I agree & am very sad & sorry to read some of these. :(|maraj|maraj64@hotmail.com|11:25:16|01/21/2009|
I am also VERY fortunate to have a wonderful mom, who would give her life in a heartbeat for one of her children, grandchildren or great-grandchildren. She would open her home & heart to any one of you! My dad was the same way. My mom is my BEST friend whom I love dearly & whom I would do anything for. It breaks my heart that there are people out there who don't have that, or who have never had it w/their moms or dads. :(
I know that it sometimes works the other way tho too, where children are not so good to their parents no matter how loving & giving the parents are. Whether it's children not so good to their parents or parents not so good to their children, it's heartbreaking. :( And I'm sorry.
Please identify yourself in 1st email. If I haven't traded w/you before, I will require *legit* trade references & will gladly provide the same.
16|3|I'M WITH JOY, I WAS ADOPTED TOO AND HAD THE WORLDS GREATEST MOTHER...SHE WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR ME, I LOST HER AT THE AGE OF 98|JOYHAPPYONE|DAIDOLA5@AOL.COM|20:08:33|01/21/2009|
I'M TOO GOOD LOOKING TO BE THIS OLD...AT MY AGE I'VE SEEN IT ALL, I'VE HEARD IT ALL, AND I'VE DONE IT ALL..I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER IT ALL!!!!!!!! 13|1|my mom came for 30 days when dashi was born and refused to help|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|10:10:02|01/21/2009|
she stayed on the phone, planned her next meals after each meal, stayed in her room watching tv all night...
this was to punish me because I wouldn't do everything she said
dashi was a screamer (my first baby and I didn't know yet about colic, I was terrified and actually could have used some support)
anyway after a month we asked her to leave, and to this day she knows everything, gives tons of unsolicited advice, and won't talk to me if I indicate that I am not taking it... this is the woman who was so mean I stopped talking to her for about 5 years and told her not to come to my wedding if she didn't like my husband... that of course, made her come...
lots of people should never have become mothers, and she has told us that if they had birth control when we were born (all 8 of us ROFL) we would not be here... my mother was a spoiled only child... I bet lots of these wolves in mother's disguises are only children, lol. 14|1|just because some one is fertile does not mean they will be a good parent..|ppe1952|MATWELL3@ROCHESTER.RR.COM|10:45:35|01/21/2009|
Remember your manners: when god answers your prayers----- say thank you.