hey all/ anyone
me--age 37, single mom of 2 kids since about a year ago---filed for support but not yet getting it
my mom moved in with me in August(shes 54)
Ive lost 3 jobs this year--been out of work since sept!! no umeployment for me--and searching---hopefully will have an int. with blockbuster next week-- 4 months behind on rent--I promised to catch up with my tax refund (but who wants to pay almost 3000.00!!---I'd rather move and pay back 100-200.00 monthly---geeeeezzzz!!) anyways
my mom lost her job in april and has been getting unemployement of 390.00 every to weeks---so 780.00. for the first 1 1/2 months they were messing up her checks and she fell only 1 month behind in rent then we decided it best for her to live with me and help me out
problem is---is she isnt really helping----and we have been really arguing bad--normally we arent like this---but I am tired of being mom to her for years now. she has had drug problems, bounched checks, closed accts, no license as of 3 years ago cause of bounced check of only 16.00 that she didnt take care of,has a bench wrrant again cause of not paying probation---get my point!! etc, etc, etc....we were okay as far as getting along until about a month ago--now its pretty bad. We dont talk cause she avoids and doesnt want to and Ive asked her to help with rent. She has paid for 3 months now the electric (100.00) and cable/internet (65.00). she only has 1 other thing and that is storage of 100.00. she doesnt give anything else.
the park owner and manager came to "chat/yell" at me a few days ago while I got the mail. told me my mom wasnt even supposed to be here--they know she is though cause I told them--and said with 2 adults we should have the rent paid. all I could do was apologize and say Id catch up with tax refund.
my mom told me last week that since they wanted her gone---which is just an excuse---that she was moving. and I quote "oh by the way did you know i am moving next week after I get my check" which by the way runs out in a couple more weeks after already getting an ext and being on it for 9 mos now and not even trying to find a job.
she has been gone since wednesday night until today when I got home. she lays on the couch and i feel horrible to be in my own place since she has been here. I dont watch tv or anything cause I dont want to be around her in fear of argument. which today i admit it was me. she got into my change again--I cant even save anything!!! she denies it of course. My kids are always home or with me so i know it isnt them. she doesnt have a car and takes the bus---so theres your answer. and oh ---goes to bingo a couple times a week instead f helping me with rent even though ive asked her 4 times within 2 months---she says nothing--can you believe it.
she says she is gonna live in a tent! we are in florida....anyways...she was supposed to move but now since she only has 150.00 out of 390.00 since yesterday!!! and that she is gonna wait til next check now to go---I am livid and feel like telling her to get out!! how dare she not give 2 SH*ts about my kids and I and me being behind in rent, throwing in my face she will move(which honestly makes me feel better) and then blowing her money and telling me she is gonna wait!!!!!
whatever!!-----who is this woman???? and isnt it a shame of how she is???
or is it just me????
1|1|I think your need is great but she doesn't see it|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|20:24:57|01/16/2009|
It may be best for her to just go now, not when she is ready, when you are ready, kiss her butt goodbye! 2|2|I agree w/ Glennie....if she's leaving anyway, the time is now....it can't be good for your children to see you so upset (and dont think they dont know or sense something even if you are trying to hide it really well.....)|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|20:35:52|01/16/2009|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 4|3|my kids dont even respect her|lornamartinez|ilpkc@yahoo.com|20:38:32|01/16/2009|
they should---and they try but they see her slamming the door cause they wont eat or talk back---they are really good kids I swear---but she doesnt respect anyone or them or me---or herself I guess--so why should they respect her.
I do get on them though--but still---they learn what they see
3|2|Im soooooo close to the edge!!|lornamartinez|ilpkc@yahoo.com|20:36:45|01/16/2009|
I forgot to say that she doesnt buy anything for the household either!!
I never used to yell or argue--now its like I look for a fight so she goes
it makes me feel horrible, but something inside me makes me feel that my "mother" wouldnt treat me like that 5|2|I've been through this scenerio before, not my mom, but other people...some people can be the worst...|HONEY11|HONEY1@AMERITECH.NET|20:46:50|01/16/2009|
And funny when they all want to move out when they decide, as if they call the shots..Sorry to say but anyone not helping out with bills has no say at all, and need to go, does'nt matter if they are family or friends..I figure if they cared about me and don't want me to be homeless, they would want to help instead of being asked countless times, and still not budging. Your mom needs to find another place to live, she is draining you of what little you and your kids have, you gotta put your children and you first above all, even if it is your mom.
"Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results." -Willie Nelson
o
o
@..@
(----)
( )--( )
o0..0o
Linda
6|1|a suggestion............|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|20:48:40|01/16/2009|
ya know, if you don't want to be the bad guy perhaps your land lord could intervene and let you/your mother know she has to go. maybe a letter saying she has a week or a quick stop by? just a thought.
sorry you're having all of htese problems with her. take care!
***** BOYCOTT COUPON CLIPPING SERVICES that don't want YOU trading *****
7|2|yeah--someone else told me that also...|lornamartinez|ilpkc@yahoo.com|20:52:49|01/16/2009|
just the whole point
I mean..its my mom and I shouldnt even be feeling like this...makes me mad at myself and her. We have never really been close--though she will say we have----I dont call close never asking me how I am or helping me out with my late rent
but it sure is convenient to leave after she has more oney---
things that make you go hmmmmmmmmmm..............
lol
8|1|Sometimes parents need tough love too. ....|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|08:58:01|01/17/2009|
I would give her a deadline to move out.
************
When you talk to someone under the influence, you aren't talking to the person, you are talking to the drug
They could be a terrific person sober but not when drinking/drugging 10|1|update---she is gone|lornamartinez|ilpkc@yahoo.com|12:42:26|01/18/2009|
I feel horrible I do
but I was at my wits end with her---had 390---blew it all within a day--well almost all--had 130.00 left
told me she paid lawyer--thats another story---had to pay right now even though itll be years before she would see anything from it---as I recall lawyers work for you and you can start a lawsuit on anyone at anytime?? I could be worng---anyways---no receipt of the cash she gave him--and how conv.--didnt write a check either---hmmm...
anyways---got into an arguement after i asked her plans and she said again shed have to wait and I couldnt hold back---telling her its nice that she would leave me and my kids behind in rent when ive asked her 5 times with 3 months to please give at least 200.00(rent is 650.00)
I said oh so now its not conv for you cause you have less money but youll stay here and then leave when you do? I dont think so cause you dont care about me and my kids and what happens to us, etc, etc..... and she said fine Im packing right now then!!
I felt bad I did/do cause I know she doesnt have too many options but I cant help but think she is obviously all for herself when she is getting 790 a month--giving me around 150-175 and has storage of 100---thats it---she has no other things to pay, not even gas cause no vehicle. she never gave me gas money, didnt buy food, wouldnt even but aluminum foil or ziplocks!!
I know its my mom, but she was a stranger to me. I feel real horrible--thinking that Ireally mistreated her and shouldve just stuck it out so things would end on a better note???
I dont know 11|2|users never quit if my son needed 1000 a month|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|13:38:18|01/18/2009|
and I only got 950 I would pay my one bill and give him the rest. 12|3|Don't feel bad ,you spoke only the truth to her and if she can't deal with the truth and moved out, then it is on her..|HONEY11|HONEY1@AMERITECH.NET|16:03:07|01/18/2009|
It is natural to want to help our family and friends, but the thing you gotta ask yourself is this..
If they really cared would they leave without giving you a dime to help you catch up on your bills?
Also if you became homeless tomarrow, could you count on her to take you in? to feed you & your kids?
Here's a real eye opener: take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle of it, write mom on one side, you on the other..then start writing down things you did for her, and things she did for you...you will see from the list how much you have done, and she has done..and that is where you stand, on paper where the love is and who really cares.
It took me years to realize myself that I always felt the need to take care of family and friends, and then myself in a bind no one was there to help..So now it does'nt matter if its a friend or family, if you treat me bad I have to respect myself enough to walk away, and not let them take what little I have for myself..
Sometimes family can be overwhelming, they feel because they are blood you should help them, take care of them...It's like some unspoken law that you MUST help them and take care of them, feed them and just put out the money and it is okay in their head if they do nothing for you in return...Hey their family and should be able to get away with it! right? just drain you till you have nothing left to give an then they move on and see who else they can sponge things off of..I don't think that way..blood means nothing to me if I can't count on them to help me when I need it..And have friends that treat me better than my born to family...a big wake up for me..to me family is defined as who loves me, who would rush to my side and help me when I really need it without having to plead, who's got my back and would jump in a heatbeat to help me, no hesitation.. I know the answer already...it would be my friends and not my family..Sometimes friends are much better family than the one you were born into, and I do not speak/see some of my family as they are selfish and think only of themselves.
I thought as many do that family should be there for you always no matter what, but that is not the case and many of us have family members that are not looking out for our best interest at heart. Yes it was a heartbreaking harsh reality to see it as it really is, but than again people are human so just because they are family does'nt mean you can count on them more than a friend or a stranger for that matter...
When I turned 40 I evaluated my life, started cleaning house and started getting rid of toxic friends and family, that was just draining me, I am a single mom also and have to put my son and me first, I want him to have something in the future and have money in the bank and a nice house to leave behind to him, I am the only parent living he has,he's just got me so he is top on my list.
13|4|hang in there and don't let her come back and if you have to ask the landlord for new door lock with new keys so she can't get in your place |lydzkydz|lydzmcss@yahoo.com|16:50:10|01/18/2009|
i have never been in the situation
but from what i have read you have had it tough with your problems then she just won't do anything to help you
soo sad
hang in there
you did the right thing just don't let her come back
if you do you will be right back where you started
((HHUUGGSSSSS)))
please include your user name on refundsweepers.
i appreciate all the trades made in the past.
THANKS!! 14|1|Lorna, you did the right thing for you and your children....please dont feel guilty or bad about wanting your home to be peaceful again. You'll see, things will go back to normal and you'll not regret it :)|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|16:52:02|01/18/2009|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 15|1|lorna that is good advice to change locks users never quit|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|17:48:21|01/18/2009|
she will be back because who wants this headache? 16|1|Lorna~*~|RebekkaVA|queen_vulture@msn.com|18:02:31|01/18/2009|
I'm sorry you've gone through so much with your mother, please don't beat yourself up over it though, it sounds like your mother is very self centered and it's ashame she doesn't have more respect for you or your children. I hope everything works out for the best for you. You have to make your children and yourself your #1 priority and it sounds like your mom has survived on her own before, so I'm sure she can do it again. Hugs, Rebekka
~*~REBEKKA~*~
a.k.a. "Queen Vulture"
Married to my Soul Mate William
"My husband has cancer, Please pray for him"
Mommy to:
Timothy 5/80
Matthew 10/92
Cheyenne 9/99
*EMAIL*: queen_vulture@msn.com
Feedback link: http://www.refundsweepers.com/dcforum/feedback/796.html