It seems like I am on my son all the time for simple and stupid things. From the time he is up until he goes to bed when he's here and not in school. He lies about things so he doesn't get into trouble but that makes things worse. I told him he could tell me anything but don't lie about it. I'm not going to say that I will not get upset I probable will but I will listen and go from there. Any help or is other mothers going through this. I am tired. Dealing with things he does, twins and working 12 hr days and lets not forget about DH who thinks I don't spend enough time with him. I need a break or a nap whichever come first. Can't sleep now thinking about my son and what I can do to help.
Michelle
1|1|Give him a set of rules? My 7 y.o (almost 8) spent a whole night in her room b/c she didn't clean it... for days. She's very messy. But I gave her a deadline and she didn't meet it. Sometimes it is hard giving tough love, but kids need to know mom isn't a push over. We also reward with gold coins (a few bucks at a party city) and give them when she does what she is supposed to do or if she does something really nice - like reads her brother a book without us asking. But she doesn't get one every time, just when she goes above and beyond. Once she reaches 20 coins, she trades them in for a toy or movie she really wants.|Sara_s_Mom|IClipCoupons@gmail.com|08:46:02|01/14/2009|
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2|1|Catch him doing the right thing.....|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|08:59:11|01/14/2009|
and stop whatever your doing, and give him a few minutes, letting him know how much you appreciate him being responsible. As a parent, we tend to constantly see the wrong, and miss the right. The more you build on the right, the more they want to do it.
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I've found that this works better than anything else in my bag of tricks. LOL.
The other thing that works here is that we make cleaning up a bit of a game with singing and "races", so that even the 3 year old will try to help.
Some days are easier than others! 3|1|Can you make a "chore chart" for each child|ncbrunet|ncbrunet@aol.com|08:59:14|01/14/2009|
Easy stuff (make bed, brush teeth, clothes in hamper) plus the other things you want done wach week. They sell the erasable ones that you can put your own list on. If the child completes all chores, a reward is earned. If not all done, then points or something that can be used for smaller reward or privelege.
Marsha
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4|2|Boys mature slower than girls|aloha2u|alohamillion@yahoo.com|10:24:28|01/14/2009|
Are you sure he is at an age to do what you are expecting of him? My oldest is nine and still forgets half or more of the times to do certain things and I am all about routines. just the last few months, he has been better and I now find notes he leaves to himself about things (ie 'take this to school tomorrow'.) As far as lying, are you asking him things you know already? I never set my kids up to lie; if I know they did/n't do it, then I say so and make them correct the problem. I think kids of this age are black and white thinkers and 'getting into trouble is bad' and they don't really see the big picture of getting in worse trouble or less trouble, etc.
I agree w/ Quietwaters, and catch them doing it good and build on the positive.
Now, go take a nap!
Stacey =)
6|1|Thanks for the info. Please read|ccprecious31|ccprecious31@aol.com|13:40:51|01/14/2009|
I do try to set a chore chart with him. He wants to do things that are too hard to do like mopping the hardwood floors. I will not let him do that. I do take time out and take him to the movies, and ice cream. But the more I do the more he wants. Plus, I don't think it is always right to reward kids into doing things that they r supppose to do in the first place. That's just me. I think sometimes I do expect to much and I am trying to tone it down alittle to make life a little easier for both our sakes. It's hard. I'm a very high stung person. When I see things that need to be done I do it and no questions asked. I have to remember that everyone does things at their own pace not my pace. I have a hard time sitting down and resting I feel guilty. My son is laid back and calm does everything when he want it done no sooner. The question is HOW DO U RELAX? TAKE LIFE EASY. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO STRESS OVER THE LITTLE THINGS. Any info would be nice.
Michelle
7|2|Find an interesting book and schedule time to read:|aloha2u|alohamillion@yahoo.com|13:53:42|01/14/2009|
I used to work way too much and run a big household full of fosterkids, so when I became a SAHM I had a VERy hard time just hanging out. Find a book to capture your interest, and make yourself read for at least 15 mins. Schedule it on your to do list even LOL that may help you learn to just 'be'.
Let your kid mop. I let my 4 year old make a horrible mess 'mopping' my floor and then I 'just touch up the spots he missed' to make it look decent. We all had to learn everything from scratch so let him try the things he thinks will be fun.
I actually do not reward my kids for much of anything. I praise them alot for effort and successes but I never want my kids to think that if they do something I have to give them something. Your son probably finds so much fun spending time w/ you, going to the movies, etc that he wants to keep doing those things that make him so happy. Don't all kids want it to be Christmas every day? Don't blame him for wanting more of you, love him for wanting more of you...teen years are around the corner and then you'll never get him to want to hang out w/ mom LOL. NOthing wrong w/ saying you wish you could go to the movies again today but can't happen so let's get our work done quickly so we can sit down and have family reading time before dinner (trying to be funny about the book reading above =)
Good luck!
8|2|I guess to answer your question|Kristy|mi3zons1@yahoo.com|14:12:40|01/14/2009|
I haven't watched Dr Phil in ages but I know he used to ask two things that might help.
1. How's that working for you? (being high strung and never relaxing)
2. What's your definition of success?
For me the second is happy, healthy, children who can grow to be productive members of society. If I worried about the house all the time I would never stop cleaning, never get to enjoy life, coupons, vacations, etc. Trust me when Jod came to visit I warned her the house was a mess and part of my pride is hurt by that as it's not "perfect" likie I'd like but the flip side is in the end the kids matter more than the house. The house will be here probably a mess long after they are gone. Time to play with them as children is fleeting.
"Women should not have children after 35. Thirty-five children are enough." - anonymous (Only 28 to GO!)