...if it's not one *health* things it's another, lately. Been feeling crappy since yesterday, so I'll prolly have to bite the bullet and go see Doc tomorrow. Hate paying a co-pmt., let alone RX fee, but I have such a history of these sinus infections I can't play around...it's just going to get worse.
Step-daughter in another "mood" this weekend....so been trying to keep my distance....this is getting tiresome for me. I stayed in my office all day yesterday working on scrapbooking (got back into it after a 3 yr. lull post-divorce~). Enjoyed my hobby time, but still uncomfortable, kwim? I couldn't interact w/her at all yesterday without her jumping down my throat---at one point she even turned the vacuum on WHILE I was speaking to her!! How rude~to cut me off mid-sentence like that~!
Today I'm doing same....holed up in my office. Right now her & Ron are at church..they went alone this morning. I'll prolly go to bed early and then make dr's. appt. in the Am.
Hope you all are having a grrreat weekend!~
Shelly
1|1|why are YOU hiding out and she is misbehaving? |glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|11:23:42|01/11/2009|
1) go to a hotel and enjoy yourself for a night while she is there and don't even say where you are going
2) you stay in YOUR house and just ignore her, you don't have to have an attitude, just ignore her
3) why are you putting up with these people? Have you not heard that people can only take advantage of you if you let them? You are NOT being nice to her, you are enabling her atrociously bad manners and bad behavior. And turning yourself into a victim to boot. I wish I would hide out in my own house. You have alloweed yourself to be manipulated by these people and they will not stop unless you stop them.
4) Don't pretend this is normal, acknoowledge this is really BAD and don't expect your husband or her to be good at all and then the stuff she does and that her father does won't take you by surprise - and I won't even say you should have known him better before you married this jerk, because my dh is the kind of person that you have to live with to truly know him, it makes me wonder how many men out there are great until you marry them and then they start showing who they are when all the manners and kindnesses and pretenses are dropped. I believe they do it on purpose to lure you in and will keep it up for as long as it takes, but not one minute past the wedding LOL
2|2|Glennie...I agree w/you.....|shelly|shellysue49@gmail.com|11:39:49|01/11/2009|
...I completely agree that I should't accept this type behavior from ANY of them. Trust me...it's been a bone of contention for a LONG time now; basically for the entire (6) months we've lived in this new house I built.
I have talked till I'm blue in the face...they all say it's ME. Baloney. All they have to do is take a good look at all the people in my life who do NOT treat me like this?! My extended family comes around..they love to be around me and they show me complete respect and LOVE. I'm sooo tired of hearing that *I* am the one who's "hard to live with"!!!!
Lately I've picked up a couple of books which came highly recommended, regarding relationships. I've done some reading, tried to discuss w/hubby and got nowhere so far. He won't commit to reading either book, one excuse after another. I came right out and said that if he doesn't do such and such, he's on "notice" that our relationship WIll be over~
I believe it's half of what's been making me so sick these last 4 mo's. ...the amt. of stress is unbelievable. I am a nice person....loyal and very loving and very giving. I just don't get it. I hooked up with the wrong crowd, I guess....
Shelly
3|3|this makes me feel incredibly sad, where is true love?|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|12:32:59|01/11/2009|
are only women capable of this? he is setting a really bad example for her and she will not learn how to be loveable, so he is dooming her to relationships with other bad people too, imho, who will want to be with a person like her? What a sad situation. 4|3|and at least you know you gave it your best but it's up to him to change|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|12:35:17|01/11/2009|
I feel like shouting!!! It's too bad all I can think of is that they will miss you when you are gone (until they can find another person to mistreat lol) 5|1|Since he claims you are the problem, my suggestion inside|pinchinpennies|pinchinmypennies@aol.com|13:10:46|01/11/2009|
I have been following your posts, and I usually try to keep quiet on these things as I am a very blunt person, and don't want to say anything that would hurt someone's feelings. :( I hope that what I say doesn't come across the wrong way.
In My opinion these people treat you like complete and total crap, they walk all over you, and only treat you with any sort of respect as long as they want something, and in the mean time treat you like you are no better than the ground they walk on. If you have to spend your life kissing butt in order to be treated like you are a human being, these people are not worth it.
You should not have to hide out because some teeny boppin little witch was brought up with no respect for others, nor should you have to tip toe around and walk on eggs shells because her father doesn't give a crap about anything other than making you feel like crap while he lets her think the world revolves around only them.
Don't let them treat you like crap and don't let them walk all over you, they are not worth letting yourself feel like you are the lesser person. You are a kind, caring person and you don't need to let them treat you this way.
My suggestion, now I know this may be hard because I know you have tried really hard to make things work and to keep the peace but they really need to grow up.
Tell them that since they want to blame everything on you it is about time they realize how good they have had it. First treat them EXACTLY the way they treat you. When they question this tell them, you say I am the problem, so I figured it's about time you see exactly how you treat me, so how do you like it? Stop doing for them, do NOTHING for them. Do not wash their laundry, do not cook their meals. Make them completely fend for themselves. When they decide they don't like it and question this, tell your hubby well obviously you only want a maid and a doormat so this maid is currently on strike. Tell your step daughter: I am not your mother, I am not your father, and obviously we are not even friends, therefore I am under no obligation to treat you any better than the way you treat me.
After they get a good taste of the way they treat you, tell them this is the way it is going to be: "From now on I will be treated with respect, we will act like we are a family and you will treat me as such, if this doesn't work for the two of you, you can pack up your things, you know where the door is."
I hope I didn't hurt your feelings with anything I said, I don't mean any of it in a bad way towards you, It is all aimed at them, and I think they need a little taste of their own medicine :)
6|2|PTMama...done that....|shelly|shellysue49@gmail.com|13:45:50|01/11/2009|
...or doing that as we speak. It's been a new tactic for a couple of wks. now. I didn't get real specific and actually never said anything to his kids, but told Ron that from now on, he's going to be responsible for making their meals when they are here/doing their laundry.
I told him that I feel taken for granted by ALL of them, and this is my way of striking back, so to speak. His answer: ok, i took care of them BEFORE you came along just fine, I can do it again. Ouch....is all I can say.
My son came to me a few min's. ago and said that Ron's son accused mine AGAIN of taking his $50 cash.....I am livid. I made it clear to Ron that I don't want this subject brought up again here...period!! They don't have any proof that anyone in my family took that darned money and I'm tired of them always jumping to the WORST conclusion they can regarding me or my kids!!!
Also, Ron's son apparently told my son that Ron's "saving money to move out" of here.....huh??!
Ok, again..hurtful info. I brought it to Ron's attention, but they are in the middle of dinner now and he told me he's "not going to have this conversation". Ok......point taken.
shelly
7|1|please see inside|pinchinpennies|pinchinmypennies@aol.com|15:01:32|01/11/2009|
I know that it is hard and that it will hurt, but I would tell him that he and his kids need to go, I would give him a date to be out by. You and your son shouldn't have to be treated like crap until he decides he is ready to go. If he doesn't even want to discuss it with you, I wouldn't let him have the upper hand in deciding when he goes and when he doesn't.
I know only you can decide what is best for you and your son, I wish you the best and I am sorry you are going through all of this. They are being terrible to you and your son and it isn't fair to either of you. 8|2|sound awful..but here's what I am...|shelly|shellysue49@gmail.com|15:42:29|01/11/2009|
..kinda (sorta) thinking of doing: currently seeking employment. Still getting really good support $ ea. mo. from my ex, for another 1 1/2 yrs., so really doing "ok" for now. Anyway, while looking and seeking a job, thinking of purchasing a couple big ticket items that are Ron's and I know he'll take if/when he leaves/we split.
I'm watching for a good deal on a refrigerator as well as a queen bed frame for myself (the mattress set is mine, so all he has is the frame) and *MAYBE* another couch and/or sitting chair for the family rm.
I kinda have to sit and stay put.....I'm covered under his health/vision/dental insur. while we are married, and until I find a job that would cover me. That's my current *biggest* dilemma in all this....sad, I know.
I'm to the point where I don't know that I feel much, if anything, for him anymore. I am very depressed...naturally. The negativity and hurtful words/disrespect/being taken for granted etc., has only served to make me want to distance myself from all of them!! Why can't they see this, and more importantly,.....WHY doesn't he care??! I've told him this, in exactly these words!!
Shelly 9|3|wow, Shelly, I am sorry you are going through this my thoughts inside|KELLYNEISH|KELLYNEISH@AOL.COM|16:15:14|01/11/2009|
Shelly, I normally dont comment on "hot button" items, so I stayed away from this --- but weren't you SOOOO in love when you met? This is the guy you met online right? All us married people know that things change after marriage, but didnt you JUST get married? Maybe I am wrong here, but It doesnt even sound like Ron supports you at all -- did he ever? or were you too in love to see issues? (sorry to be harsh, But I had to go out on a limb here)
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time, I wish I could be more support to you, and I can somewhat relate as I have been divorced before, but fortunately for me my 1st marriage ended amicably. (I was too in love to see the "real" person I married the first time, thats why it ended in divorce..)
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11|4|some issues only came to light...|shelly|shellysue49@gmail.com|17:04:31|01/11/2009|
...AFTER this move from his home to the new home I built. I am unsure whether he (and his daughter!) were just being on good behavior or what, but HER attitude has changed tremendously just since the move?! His lax parenting was something I *did* note, but we talked about things and he AGREED before the move that he'd support me in rules for this household, etc.
I feel that he's not holding his end of the bargain, if you will, and so much more....
He seems not to care what my feelings are at all....makes no matter WHAT the topic is, he'll just walk away and refuse to discuss, then ignore me for days on end. Needless-to-say, I'm finding his relationship skills non existent!!!
That's why I've been reading books, trying to discuss, trying to find ways to change how I cope/how I interact with him and his children, etc., etc.
I'm worn down and out...basically. Seems nothing I try works....just backfires
shelly
15|5|What I'm thinking here.....|maraj|maraj64@hotmail.com|19:17:35|01/11/2009|
Is 1st of all, people have to WANT things to be better & have to WANT to change to make things better. If they're saying it's all YOU, why would they think they need to change, or for that matter, even want to??? You're bending over backwards trying to "fix" it, "fix" yourself, talk things out, read books, seek advice & even isolating yourself in your own house. The thing is Shelly, YOU are the ONLY person who is even making an attempt while they just go about their merry way, continuing to treat you like crap, giving you the silent treatment & ignoring EVERY attempt you make at trying to "fix" this or that, all the while enjoying the house YOU built/own. You're not LIVING in a HOME; you're EXISTING in a frame w/walls. I don't mean to be rude but it is YOUR house (you said you built it??) so I think it's time you stop trying so hard to fix everything & just accept the fact it's NOT worth knocking yourself out trying to fix, & send the nasty dh & his little female clone down the road! ;)
ETA: And the sooner you get rid of them, the better you're going to feel, physically & mentally, about yourself & the atmosphere in your HOME. :)
Please identify yourself in 1st email. If I haven't traded w/you before, I will require *legit* trade references & will gladly provide the same.
18|6|maraj.....exactly my thoughts...|shelly|shellysue49@gmail.com|13:33:43|01/12/2009|
..I've been preaching those words myself!! Falling on deaf ears, though...obviously. I can see that I am the only one working and trying to fix things! And that knowledge hurts. And then to spell it out for my husband and STILL get shut down is beyond frustrating and painful.
That's why I'm doing so much reflecting lately...and trying to come up with a plan as of this moment i don't even have a job. His leaving/my asking him to go would only create financial hardship on both of us. I have to kinda play my cards right because Ron's made comments that if he goes, he's going to take such and such, etc., trying to scare me, financially. Believe me, he's the one that will be hurting more in the long run...NOT me. But I need health care right now---i'm going thru some things that i'm hoping will be addressed by my GYN this week. Then I can kind of take things from that point on.
Shelly 10|3|Ok heres my thoughts|ncbrunet|ncbrunet@aol.com|16:17:13|01/11/2009|
Please do not let his medical coverage on you be the only reason you are not throwing his worthless hiney out now. He HAS to keep you covered until the final divorce decree is signed by a judge. If you split and he tries to take you off, you get an attorney and have a hearing and a judge will force him to put you back on (and he should also have to pay your attorney fees for having to have the hearing in the first place). You need to look out for you and your son in this since you both are obviously
"not part of his family". This treatment is going to have a big negawtive effect on your son soon and I know you do not want that to happen.
Good luck,
Marsha
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12|1|Shelly.....|rainj|jrainshgp@centurytel.net|17:09:16|01/11/2009|
Girl i feel for you and what you are going through. If you ever need to talk just email me.
Hang in there girl and i really hope that things get better for you one way or another
(((HUGZ)))
Please leave feedback for me @
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~Jennifer~
13|2|Jennifer, thank you so much...|shelly|shellysue49@gmail.com|17:15:00|01/11/2009|
...I appreciate the offer to talk.
it sucks to feel this way; that's all I know right now. It's come to the point where i've been second-guessing myself and who i am...for months. I hope I deserve better than this. Ron claims that my family is biased....they are "on my side" because they "have to be"...ouch.
shelly
14|1|Shelly~*~|RebekkaVA|queen_vulture@msn.com|18:53:00|01/11/2009|
It's not healthy for you girlie, to be in a relationship like this, I hate to see you hurting, you are such a nice person and I just don't know why Ron has to be the way he is, but I really serious doubt he's going to change at all. The reason I believe this is because you've said he doesn't want to communicate nor does he believe in therapy and he sounds like his kids are all that matter to him. I am so sorry you've gone through all this, but sometimes it's best to cut your loss and just move on with your life. Your health and well being is more important and also your son doesn't need all this negativity in his life plus he isn't learning anything about healthy relationships, because there's so much turmoil there. I don't like to give opinions on these subjects either cause I don't wanna hurt the person's feelings, but sometimes you have to hear the truth and it's hard to hear. My first marriage wasn't good and I developed severe anxiety and panic attacks, plus I got agrophia (fear to leave the house), my dad told me to stay with him and try to work it out, cause I wanted an annulment after 3 weeks of marriage, but then I found out I was pregnant a few weeks later, so I thought I'd stay and see how things would go and it was just worse, finally I got the strength to go out and get a job and then ask for a divorce. It was the best thing I could've done and I met my soulmate Will and we're getting ready to celebrate our 12 year anniversary. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. I will be praying for you girlie, I know that some decisions are hard to make, but you have to do what's best for you and your son. Hugs, Rebekka
~*~REBEKKA~*~
a.k.a. "Queen Vulture"
Married to my Soul Mate William
"My husband has cancer, Please pray for him"
Mommy to:
Timothy 5/80
Matthew 10/92
Cheyenne 9/99
*EMAIL*: queen_vulture@msn.com
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16|1|Sorry to hear this.|Gail_O|gailandlarryondrej@gmail.com|11:15:27|01/12/2009|
We also have a blended family and I can tell you it is not easy. DH and I get along wonderfully; however, most of our disagreements in our marriage have been about either kids or money. Believe me, it takes a long time for everyone to get used to each other. It took us several years for everything to settle down, and everything still is not perfect. I agree, all in your household should respect you more and you and DH should be united on anything that has to do with the kids. One thing DH and I do agree on is that each parent sees or interprets what their own child does differently than someone else does. It is easier for each of us to tolerate little annoy things our own children do than it is to tolerate it from our step-children. I know it is not right all should be treated or thought of equally, and we try to, but this is just an honest observation. For a while we would argue about it, now we discuss it. Could you and your husband have an afternoon at home alone to discuss this? I think the first questions I would have him answer for you is #1 does he love and #2 does he want to make this marriage work. If he can not answer yes to both these questions, do not put yourself through anymore than you already have, tell him its time for him to move. If he does answer yes to both, let him know that the two of you need to come up with a solution for all the issues you have to make the marriage work. As for his teenage daughter, please tell her that she does not have to love you, heck, she doesn’t even have to like you, but she does have treat you with respect and will politely reply when spoken to, plus anything else you know of or can think of. 17|1|Hey Shelly.........remember me??????????????|ladylkl|t.leiter@mchsi.com|12:37:04|01/12/2009|
I haven't posted anything for a long time. I have done some trading. (Trying to keep my mind occupied.) Life has been hectic and depressing. Along with the usual "happenings", we received devestating news about our son's health. Needless to say, I've been on a real roller-coaster ride. Sounds like you can relate!
I too have major sinus infections and the only thing that works, and works really well for me, is the Mucinex DM (green label). This is what the doctor at the "After Hours Clinic" told me to use. I take 1 tablet every 12 hours. I can tell when I haven't taken it yet, too! I'm sure stress plays a major role, but have no anwers for that!!!! It's fairly expensive, but less than RX and office visits. It
IS well worth the results, to me.
Hope all gets better with you soon. Give me a call sometime. I'm just across the highway, you know. Take good care, Linda L. ~
19|2|Yes, Linda of course I do...|shelly|shellysue49@gmail.com|14:53:21|01/12/2009|
..remember you! I've often wondered how you & your family are doing. I'm very sorry to hear that you had some bad news regarding your son. If there is anything you need or that I can do, please let me know. I'll have to check and see if I still have your phone number here someplace.....you know, what with the move and all this crazyness!
I know we spoke that one time on the phone but Ron's kids were here and noisy in the background, I seem to recall. He's actually said a couple negative things to me with regards to you: he said that I "had that one friend in town and wouldn't meet up with her" or something to that effect?! I told him that you & I hadn't even made plans to meet up in person yet---that he doesn't know what he's talking about! I hope YOU didn't get that impression from our conversation?
Email me if you get a chance...hopefully we can catch up with each others' lives. (couponsrus@gmail.com)
Take good care and know that I'll be keeping you & your family in my thoughts and prayers.\
Shelly 20|3|I have some $2 Mucinex coupons lol|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|17:05:54|01/12/2009|
my doctor also said this is the best since my normal Rx is no longer covered by medicaid and is very expensive, this is much cheaper plus I can control how much I take.