My son turns 18 on Christmas Day, all was fine until yesterday. His intentions are to go to school after winter break and meet with the principal to discuss him being his own "guardian" or something like that, whatever it is schools allow kids to do when they are 18, then he plans to move out and into his best friends house, which is not a good household situation. Father is unmarried, has several DWI's therefore has no drivers license, my sons best friend either has a DWI, DUI, miner consumption or open bottle (not sure which) on his record, one of this kids brothers has been in jail for drugs & writing bad checks.
Is this legal, what are the laws, what should I do?
Any info, suggestions greatly appreciated. Thank you
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1|1|Sorry to hear this:|aloha2u|alohamillion@yahoo.com|11:34:07|12/22/2008|
I would suggest you have a heart to heart talk w/ your son bc if all was fine until yesterday then obviously something happened to get him so worked up.
Once he turns 18 he is a legal adult, and not much you can do. I would stay positive and open to him while he is flexing his 'adult muscles' bc it sounds like you definately would not actually want him to stay w/ his plan long term. Hopefully Christmas changes his mind, and if not, hopefully staying with this 'friend' over break will allow him to see that home was actually a great place to be.
Good luck and sorry to hear of your stressful situation.
Stacey
2|1|I don't think there is anything you can do once he turns 18|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|11:49:12|12/22/2008|
but I would stay in touch in case something stupid happens and he is too afraid or ashamed to call you. Good Luck! 3|1|I'm so sorry to hear this...more inside|RebekkaVA|queen_vulture@msn.com|12:10:57|12/22/2008|
Unfortunately there's probably not alot you can do to stop him, but just try and stay active in his life, so that way you can have contact if he does move out. My 16 year old, says he's moving out when's 18 (he's living w/ my ex, we sent him there in April) and it upsets me, but all I can do is be there for him. I wish you the best. Hugs, Rebekka
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4|1|Things you can do to discourage this--|sheliar|sandk95@embarqmail.com|13:17:00|12/22/2008|
Although once he's 18, there's nothing you can really do about it, there are things you can do to discourage it. If you are paying his car insurance, tell him that he has to pay his own if he moves out, then drop him from yours. If his car is in your name, keep it and tell him he can't take it with him. You can also look into dropping him from your health insurance policy. Sounds mean, but if he does one of the above--say takes the car & it's in your name--call the police. He has to realize that being on his own MEANS being on his own. My mom always told me if she didn't approve of what I was doing while I was in college, all support would stop. It's the same principle. Sounds harsh, but sometimes tough love is the only thing that matters to these kids.
Shelia
"They say that we are better educated than our parents' generation. What they mean is that we go to school longer. They are not the same thing."---Douglas Yates
5|2|I agree with Shiela...you got to have 'tough love' with|Skaytes|skaytez@gmail.com|13:24:55|12/22/2008|
Posted on Dec-22-08 at 01:24 PM (Eastern) by 67.236.252.3
the kids. Believe me, I have been there, done that with my son and one daughter. Today they are totally turned around, great kids..well adults..and my daughter constantly tells me she is sooo sorry for what she put us all through and says I don't know what was wrong with me. Of course, I do know and we talk about it ..lots of stuff was going on then in our personal lives and being a teen..well..she had to act it out being angry and frustrated etc. Same with my son but not so much to her extent.
Anyhoo..I would definately do the same thing. When they leave, they are on their OWN..no help from parents.. but also always let them know you will be there for them and keep the communications line 'open'. It will be a rough road for them but they have to learn the 'hard' way that being adult and on your own means "they" are responsible for EVERYTHING and have to experience it to realize how good they had it at home...
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6|3|Sorry..meant sheliar!|Skaytes|skaytez@gmail.com|13:25:42|12/22/2008|
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7|4|TY, so after he turns 18 should I change my door locks? Once he's out, he has no right coming|pumamomma|pumamomma@yahoo.com|18:42:19|12/22/2008|
and going as he pleases in my house.
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A THOUGHT TO PONDER: "On the road of life there are passengers and drivers, which are you?"
9|5|I'd take some time to think that one over Our Children are ours for life even if we don't like the choices they make some times|teener|teenerzacsneenee@yahoo.com|19:15:24|12/22/2008|
I've had one move out and out of state I never took his keys away this will always be his home after 6 months he came back It sounds to me that that is just a lil hurt and anger speaking 8|1|I have a question that might pertain to Darla's situation.....would it be in her best interest to put a legal notice in the paper? something about her son turning of legal age and she will no longer be responsible for any debt accrued by him? The reason I ask is there seems to be something going on besides just wanting to be on his own....|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|19:10:01|12/22/2008|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 10|2|I AGREE WITH JOY JR, IT DOES SEEM THERE IS UNDERLYING SOMETHING GOING ON|JOYHAPPYONE|DAIDOLA5@AOL.COM|19:33:31|12/22/2008|
I'M TOO GOOD LOOKING TO BE THIS OLD...AT MY AGE I'VE SEEN IT ALL, I'VE HEARD IT ALL, AND I'VE DONE IT ALL..I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER IT ALL!!!!!!!! 11|1|I don't think this is very uncommon..something about that magic number 18.|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|19:52:00|12/22/2008|
I left home and the state at 18, I think I turned out ok, so don't give up hope. One of my boys left on his 18th birthday, because he decided he no longer wanted any rules. The funny thing is he is not a bad kid and actually moved in with some people we know,and their rules are tougher than ours. He has always had a need to do things his own way. I think he was a little taken aback when we didn't come running after him, and cut the parental cord. I agree about the tough love, if you want to be on your own, then you are no longer under the protection of your parents, and need to be 100 percent responsible for yourself. It is part of the choice he is making, and I would make that clear to him before he moves out, and then stick to it. Parenting an adult child is not the same as parenting a child, does not mean you love them less, just means there is a change in the way you handle things.
Praying for you, I think this is always harder on mom.
************
He has had 2 jobs since getting his drivers license (he is still on the 2nd one and said the other night he would like to get something closer than 45 minutes away from home. He gets good grades although he is STRUGGLING in US Government this year. He comes and goes as he pleases, infact Saturday night he came home from shopping or whatever with girlfriend (whom's mom & step dad are pretty strict) chatted with us a bit, said he was going out, so he showered, left AND DIDN'T COME HOME, nor called. So next morning (Sunday) I left to do some errands and when I came home his bed was gone, so I texted him asking where he was and he said he was in another town about 45 miles away so I texted back and said would you mind picking up a bed, he texted back "what are you talking about I already took mine", I texted back "that's exactly what Im talking about, what's going on?" It wasn't long and he came home said he was moving to friends because he will be 18 soon. I said maybe I should call social services and find out what is kosher and he said don't threaten me. So I left it at that. Also last Wednesday night my parents were here visiting and he was telling them that when he turns 18 he's thinking about talking to principal about being his own guardian or whatever and my mom told him that he needs to go to school EVERYDAY, no skipping, no lateness, etc.., needs to get good grades, blah blah blah. Then he told me that when he graduates and moves to Arizona to go to school that he needs to take the bed & bedding, etc.... and I said that was all fine. We even talked about whether to have a grad party party or just have something either before or after the grad ceremony. Anyhoo I know of no underlying problems.
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***If you are on the BTL or BTW, please don't email me about trading, TY***
A THOUGHT TO PONDER: "On the road of life there are passengers and drivers, which are you?"
13|3|When my son ......|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|20:22:33|12/22/2008|
moved out I called the school just to let them know he was on his own, and they said ok, there was nothing I needed to do,( he never did miss any school.) My son in law teaches at the school and was keeping his ear out on things. Then after a month he moved to a different city, and that school just wanted a letter from me stating he was no longer living at home. I don't think anything has to be done legally once they turn 18, they are responsible for themselves, unless you sign for a bill ect.
************
These are growing pains. The grass is always greener. It is only 5 months til graduation for him, right? Why does he want to move out? Maybe you guys could re-negotiate to let him have some adult responsibility, while keeping him at home a bit longer. The big, bad world is expensive...
Maybe if you extend his curfew on weekends or something. I'm just afraid if he leaves, he will drop out of school.
Praying you guys get it worked out.... But if you are getting child support for him, if he moves out, that will likely be terminated.
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15|4|as I mentioned there are NO RULES, he comes & goes as he pleases|pumamomma|pumamomma@yahoo.com|20:55:34|12/22/2008|
he parks in my garage, he doesn't help with grass or snow, he doesn't clean his room or bathroom, he eats me out of house and home, he nickel and dimes me to death by asking for $10 here and there even though he has a part time job and when asked where all his money goes he smarts off by saying he has BILLS, all he does is sponge off me. Have I ever said anything to him, NOPE was just glad he was under my roof. Now talk about a spoiled brat! His brother who is now 20 & living on his own, had a curfew AND obeyed it, he parked outside in the driveway, he helped with grass and snow WHEN asked, he kept a clean room/bathroom WITHOUT being told.
This kid has ALWAYS bent the rules anywhere and everywhere. At school he would purposely wear shirts that were border line where they would make him turn it inside out, he easily flies off the handle yelling & swearing. In June he was out & about and he failed to stop at a 4way stop and at 11:30 pm I get woke up with a phone call from a County Sheriff. He said it is past my son's curfew (anyone under 18 has a curfew in our state) and that he failed to stop at a 4way and I am issuing him a ticket and that was that so when he got home I said I don't appreciate getting a phone call like that and he said "Yeah that was pretty gay" I said you HAVE to stop at stop signs and he said he never does! So anyway I kept on him to get that ticket paid. It had to be cash or credit card BEFORE the court date, he kept saying yeah yeah yeah. Well the Monday after the 4th of July in my mail was an envelope from the Courts so I opened it here it was a notice that the CHECK issued to pay for his ticket from his friends dads account bounced! and that he needed to pay it within so many days PLUS an extra $30 for a bounced check fee. NICE!!! No mind you his friends dad has also been in trouble for buying/providing alcoholic beverages for underage kids. Again NICE!!!!
This past friday I was conversing with him and telling him I had an uncles funeral to go to today and that "Santa" will hopefully come for his 2 little sisters tonight, tomorrow sometime we are opening gifts as a family and he said he has to work late afternoon so it would have to be early before he goes to work, then we all plan to drive seperately to my sisters house for Christmas Eve with my side of the family, driving seperately because he and his girlfriend have to leave earlier to go to her house for Eve with her family, then I told him I am driving 2 1/2 hours up to my Real Mom's house for Christmas day and he said he really wanted to go with BUT it is his Dad's family's get together on Christmas Day so he couldn't.
Well enough of the story, just was wondering if there was something legally to stop him from this situation.
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selling Avon products/gifts & Tastefully Simple easy gourmet foods
***If you are on the BTL or BTW, please don't email me about trading, TY***
A THOUGHT TO PONDER: "On the road of life there are passengers and drivers, which are you?"
16|5|I questioned whether there was something else going on besides just wanting to be independent because of his choice of where he is going to....this other household doesnt sound like a prosperous environment for him to learn responsibility and what it means to be an adult. I hope he can sit down (like an adult!) with you and discuss some options, like staying until he actually graduates.....best of luck to you, I hope it works out for the best for you both.|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|21:01:50|12/22/2008|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 17|1|Tough Love:|aloha2u|alohamillion@yahoo.com|23:30:33|12/22/2008|
After reading more of the information about what has been going on w/ your son, I do agree that it is time to let him go out in the real world and be the man that he needs to be. I am still not saying to close the door on him, but to have a conversation to make sure he really wants to do the adult thing right now even w/ school graduation ALMOST being here and with him fully understanding the insurance on car and health care, no allowances or lending out, no revolving door, etc etc, and if he still choses do go then I guess it is your duty as his mom to say goodbye and wish him good luck. Sounds like he has ALOT of growing up to do but sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we look UP. I had a foster son go thru the wringers and he took us along for the ride for a while; we asked him to leave- had a loving conversation to make him understand that we loved him but that his actions were saying he needed to be a man on his own. He stumbled ALOT but he found God, and has completed the needed courses to be a youth pastor now and is currently attending college to be a therapist.
Will keep you both in my prayers.
Stacey =) 19|2|I think Stacey is so right......|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|09:39:20|12/23/2008|
sounds like there is a lot of disrespect going on, and you running behind him trying to fix things. I wouldn't be giving him any money, if he is not even helping out around the house.
My son failed a few classes because he did not want to do the work, I told him if you fail them I will not be running you to summer school. I didn't, and now he has to figure out how to graduate on time, (from what I hear, he is now doing that.) By this age you need to let them be responsible for their actions, even when it hurts.
I think the time they deal with making bad choices is much shorter, the faster you let go, and let them suffer the consequences.
************
be bailing him out no matter WHAT he does.."HE" alone is responsible for his actions and consequences. I told everyone of my kids, you get in jail, you get yourself out. I am NOT posting any bail for ANYone..not even hubby and I wouldn't expect anyone to do that for me either. Same with tickets or whatever. You made 'em, you pay 'em. Sounds harsh but that is definately what he needs. When my kids moved out, I got the keys back as well. You don't live here, you dont' get any keys to our house. I made it clear they are welcome to come and stay or visit whenever they want, but you must respect us ...call ahead if possible to let us know you are coming (we may have other plans), knock on the door..not just barge in, etc. Once I moved out of my parents house, I did the same thing. Wasn't my home any longer..was my parents.
It's hard putting your foot down especially since it sounds like you never have done that (no offense intended at all..just commenting on what you have written) and he won't take kindly to having rules etc since it sounds like he has never had any. Just hang in there. Might take a few years even, but he will come around. They have to grow up "mentally" to appreciate Mom & Dad and what they had at home.
18|1|18 means hes adult but most states the|tollman62|thebossatnight@yahoo.com|09:21:27|12/23/2008|
parents are still legally responsible until the age of 21. So if he runs those stop signs and injures someone they can come after you even if he does not live with you. Make sure you find out what your rights are.
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you always hear noises in the dark when you work at night 20|2|I don't think that is true.....|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|10:17:23|12/23/2008|
except maybe if you have them on your car insurance still.
In Delaware, Nebraska and Wyoming it's 19. In Mississippi it's 21. I think all other states it is until 18 or until they finish highschool, whichever comes first.
************
My husband's nephew got into some trouble a few months ago, on his 17th birthday. He is considered an adult and is responsible for his actions, not his parents. The police told my SIL if he had gotten into trouble the day before, all they would have done is bring him home to her, but he got in trouble on his 17th birthday so he spent the night in jail, had to get a lawyer and will have to appear in court before a judge. 23|2|OH boy i got alot to look forward to just reading what ever one has to say and kendall is only 12 but i got a long way to go |lydzkydz|lydzmcss@yahoo.com|20:19:49|12/23/2008|
oh boy
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