I have been having panic attacks over travis's soon to be graduation on halloween. I've been so blah about it.
I'm so proud of him.. BUT my heart just can't accept it. I've been online looking for graduation gifts...
Santus Real music playing in the background.. whatever your doing.. AND I can't stop crying. I got to goarmyparents.com
and i post, trying to connect to other moms... BUT it just makes me a wreck... WAH.
we leave on the 28th... I'll see him on the 29th for family day.. and then graduation on 31st...with the way, I'm having
panic attacks now..I hope I can make it.. SIGH... I thought this was suppose to get easier.. BUT for me it's not.
My husband always says.."why do you put yourself thru this"....I want to be happy about his graduation.. BUT I keep thinking
that after his graduation..he'll be going to Alabama...even further away from me.... I know I"m not the only one to go thru this..
BUT I'm just having a really tough time with all of this. I try to keep all of my emotions from everyone.. my mom just called...
and I was in the middle of my little breakdown...so I keep the phone call short... AND well it's just one of those BLAH nights...
I got outside to sit on the porch..I can hear the crowds cheers from the football game at the high school down the road...
AND I think that this time last year...travis was here, going to the game..and I would worry about him till he got home...Now
He's in the ARMY... WHAT? I constantly shake my head..and think...What??? SIGH.. I'm done now!! :(
yes, I am emotionally confused....I find a constant struggle with my heart to accept life at times.. and this is one of those times!
I think I found a silver chan that has a medal on it that has the ARMY creed on one side and "keep them safe" on the other side.
I went to Things remembered today...and I almost had to drag myself out.. just thinking what I wanted to have inscribed on it. SIGH!!!
1|1|Shelly you are a great MOM|angNC|memawang@embarqmail.com|23:47:57|10/17/2008|
You give and give. Love you sister! 2|1|Aww, Shelly....sending you a big hug....the mixed emotions are perfectly normal, I'm sure...I think that's a great idea to reach out to other army moms to connect, I hope you find some support there from moms going through the same thing :)|saint6811|waylan@comcast.net|09:03:17|10/18/2008|
"Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy." 3|2|Shelly......|froapin01|huntingseason@msn.com|18:50:09|10/18/2008|
You will get through this I promise. When you see Travis for the first time you are going to be amazed at how grown up he is. He will need you more than you can imagine you are his link to all that is familar to him. He has been gone from you in boot camp and will need you to just be his Mom. When I watched my son Gabe graduate from Basic I almost died from the excitement and pride. Before the ceramony the Army will have a talk with all of the parents to explain everything the soldier has done AND what you can expect from them. They also will let you know how they expect you as the parent to conduct yourself towards the soldier and they also have other parents available for you to talk to if you need; it really is a family type experience but still a very military event. When I left my son behind for him to move onto Tech school I cried on the flight home for 3 hours it was very hard for me to let him go, but he said to me Mom please do not cry I need to do this I want to do this and you have to let me. I realized that it was not fair for him to see me such a wreck. In time you will be able to handle this better it takes time and what you are feeling is normal. Try not to spend the time you have with Travis heart broken you will look back and wish it was different. I am available any time for you if you need to talk. Catherine 4|1|Oh Shelly!|sunriver|lithiasalt@cheerful.com|22:13:56|10/18/2008|
I wish I knew what to say that would make you feel better and would take away your fears and anxiety. I haven't been through what you are going through, but I can say that the love that you have for your son is so strong and I think that love gets us through almost anything really.
Hang in there! Hugs to you today. Vanessa 5|1|Be not only proud, but ......|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|22:13:59|10/18/2008|
happy for him, it was his decision, and he is doing good. You have lots to be thankful for and it will get easier, keep your eyes open for the good things that are coming out of this.
One of mine is talking about going into the army. I am holding back not to say good or bad, but just want it to be his choice, and then I will support him with what he decides.
I get the sadness part, miss my boys all the time, and no matter what they are doing there is still worry. It is a moms job, it is what we do. We are so used to taking care of their needs twenty four seven, and what, now we are suppose to resign,lol. My husband is good at seeing it come on, and hugs me for awhile, and lets me cry, then I go on. I have four kids and only my little one left at home now, it is such a big change, some of it good, lots of it sad, because I am so used to having a house full.
Praying graduation is a good time for you both.
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