Disorder in the American Courts
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ____
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ ____
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________ _________ _________ _______
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________ _________ _________ _______
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTOR NEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________ _________ _________ ______
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year- old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.
____________ _________ _________ _________ _
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you serious?
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you serious? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it ?
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
____________ _________ _________ _______
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________ _________ _________ ________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNE SS: A ll my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
____________ ____________ _________ _____
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
____________ _________ _________ _______
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________ _________ _________ _________ _____
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
____________ _________ _________ ________
And the best for last?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
1|1|Oh god, too funny-LOL!! nt|Sharon|s_forshee@hotmail.com|00:06:31|10/03/2008|
nt 2|1|ROFL!! Thanks!|Mackiesmudder|Mackiesmudder@aol.com|02:01:07|10/03/2008|
Cathie : ) 3|1|Too Funny...LOL|RebekkaVA|queen_vulture@msn.com|07:27:31|10/03/2008|
~*~REBEKKA~*~
a.k.a. "Queen Vulture"
Married to my Soul Mate William
"My husband has cancer, Please pray for him"
Mommy to:
Timothy 5/80
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*EMAIL*: queen_vulture@msn.com
4|1|Bumped we need some more laughs!!|nancygal|brennansnanna@hotmail.com|09:48:30|10/03/2008|
nancygal 5|1|LOL!!!!! I needed that this morning :)|rainj|jrainshgp@centurytel.net|10:05:34|10/03/2008|
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