I'm going to try to keep this short. Found out my son is sitting next to a boy who has problems. Not sure even what. He has a fulltime aide with him at all time. The teacher has told the kids that he has anger issues. So when that happens the aide takes him out of the room and the go walk and talk- I guess to calm him down. From what I understand, he has kicked his desk over and randomly starts screaming in class.
My sons seat was moved next to this boy because the teacher felt he would be better there than a girl who was there. My son doesn't like where he is sitting and this boy is making him feel uncomfortable. He has gotten in his face and just smiles. Seems harmless, but I haven't seen this in person. We are in public school and they seem to be trying to mainstream this boy.
But I am not sure what to do. Should I assume the school wouldn't put him in a reg classroom if he was dangerous??
Have a conference with the teacher monday about a couple things and trying to figure out what I need to ask or say about this situation.
Open to all comments and questions
Prestonmom
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1|1|I would speak to the teacher and the principal and make a formal request for my child to be moved...|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|19:58:29|09/17/2008|
Last edited on Sep-17-08 at 08:05 PM (Eastern) by 64.12.116.68
Posted on Sep-17-08 at 07:58 PM (Eastern) by 64.12.116.68
I'm sorry if the other child has issues...but frankly if it is affecting your child and their quality of learning then it's not right. I realize today's trend is to mainstream children in the classroom and to some extent I support it...BUT let's be honest...there are some children that should NOT be mainstreamed because of their significant issues that are detrimental to EVERY other child in the classroom (aid or no aide)....Your child deserves to learn in a comfortable environment and if this child is a ticking time bomb waiting to explode...how can he when he sits right next to him???? Nope...if it were me,,,I would DEMAND he be moved away from this time bomb and if they didn't comply I would contact the superintendant of schools and consult legal assistance for additional guidance.....
2|2|see the teacher Mon|prestonmom|prestonmom@yahoo.com|20:21:16|09/17/2008|
Have asked for a conference since the cirriculm seems a bit slow for 2nd grade.
Plus I am concerned about this boy. But not sure how much she is even going to be able to tell me much- think there is a confidental issue. I would not even know about this kid- except I started questioning my son why a class with 19 kids has a teacher with an pt aide.Then to top it off there is a full time aide just with this kid.
Then I found out he is in a resource room. New to me- it means there are other kids with problems- not even sure what maybe just learning problems so these classes get an aide to give the kids extra help. But my son is above average. So not sure why he is in there except one parent was told last year when her son was in the class that mainstreaming helps everyone do better. But not sure it will help my son already he is complaining he is bored.
I know it may help the kids that need help-- but can someone tell me what my son will get out of this that is positive??
Prestonmom
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3|1|could the child be autistic? this perespective is quite an eye opener for me|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|20:24:29|09/17/2008|
sometimes autistic kids have shadows
they can sometimes be really aggressive
they have no sense of personal space for themselves or other people
and they aren't always able to communicate what they feel but getting really close seems to be a way to be friendly (at least for my son).
this is why autistic kids and adults can't function in society because a lot of people are aftaid of them right or wrong, and from my mom
perspective I am always afraid FOR my son, KWIM? He needs friends too, he wants them, he is neurologically different, but not crazy or
retarded or unaware. I wish I could say this child would never harm your son but sometimes autistic kids are hard to handle, they are strong.
When we lived in florida we always read about them getting out of their houses and getting shot by the cops, or wandering the streets naked
or getting shot at home when family members call the cops because their moms couldn't handle them physically - but these are adults.
Maybe someone could talk with the 'shadow' or ask him or her to intervene more? Or someone could come in and discuss autism with the class?
I think kids adapt pretty well when they are given the right information, and lack of information makes people afraid.
My son is the sweetest person in the world but if he saw a family sitting on a bench in a park he would walk right up and squeeze in and then
when I got hold of him cry as if his heart was breaking and maybe have a tantrum. If he saw a family with kids in a store he would follow them
right out and join in the conversation in his own way too. He definitely gets his share of wierd looks - when he was a toddler we could go to
the park and clear it out in 5 minutes because all he could do was grunt, and when he played he played rough because he just doesn't get it.
4|1|as a formerly gifted child I can imagine many benefits for your son|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|20:48:35|09/17/2008|
he could be advanced a grade and or be a helper to a kid in class that needs a bit of encouragement to keep on track
compassion is not a big deal in america but I bet it would be better than what we have now.
if you want more for your son go around anyone you need to go around, have him tested and placed where he will do best emotionally
and academically - for me being skipped a grade was too intense emotionally though I never said anything I spent my whole life playing
catch up and this is hard for a kid who isn't able to adequately espress emotions.
I think my son is a gift to me because until he was diagnosed I just thought most people in the world were big dummies and a waste of time.
My son teaches me patience and compassion and the ability to see that everyone has some strengths and he teaches me this every single day
(not to say that there aren't times when I don't wish he wasn't 'normal', because even though his is gifted intellectually he is
severely handicapped by autism. If a person has a brain but can't express it so that you can know it, what can you do?
5|2|as the mother of autistic child......i can see where another child who has not been |couponsnsamples|couponsnsamples@hotmail.com|22:30:36|09/17/2008|
around an autistic child or a child with problems could become frightened...my son is very high functioning.....and he is mainstreamed into classes with other children in middle school.....and i feel he has just as much right to be there as any other child....these children should not be isolated to a special class.....just because they are different......everyone is different..in their own way...........
even when he appears to not be listening to the teacher.....he is......i had the science teacher inform me that she was teaching......started asking questions.....and not a child in the room could answer.......she calls on my son.....and he tells the class exactly what she had tried to teach everyone.
i would tell the teacher that your son doesnt like where he is sitting....and id be willing to bet that.....he will become more comfortable with this child.......soon as he sees he isnt hurting anyone.........we live in a small town.......and i feel lucky..that children in his classes...and even some who arent...that just see him around school.........go out of their way....to come up and talk to my son..in walmart...or resturants..ect....most of these are kids that i have no ideal who they are.....but my son sure knows.....and they sure know him........
6|1|think he is autistic|prestonmom|prestonmom@yahoo.com|22:49:24|09/17/2008|
Until I talk with the teacher and find out more I won't know.
The thing that really has me concerned is not that he has a ft aide or that he is autistic. But that the teacher told the class he has anger issues. He has already tipped over his desk and is screaming out loud in class. I am even more concerned because a mom of a child who is on my son's football team is his substitute aide. She was told tomorrow she will be with him. She told my husband she was also told to wear shin pads tomorrow.
I am not worried about him being different. I have a nephew who has social issues and has adhd. My concern is more for my sons safety.
The teacher moved my son next to this boy because she thought he'd be better there than a girl. My son is the biggest kid in the class. He's 8 in a size 12 and 97lbs. But what she doesn't know yet is he is scared to be next to this kid.
He is a teacher pleaser and will not question her about his seating assignment.
Prestonmom
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7|2|I completely agree with you....being different isn't an issue...|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|22:54:22|09/17/2008|
but tipping over desks, screaming outloud randomly in class and potential violent outbursts is a SERIOUS issue and also a SERIOUS distraction...particularly for second graders and can have a negative impact on their education. I'm sorry...but that just isn't fair to the rest of the class..... 8|3|my friend thinks I should request to observe the class.|prestonmom|prestonmom@yahoo.com|23:07:25|09/17/2008|
She actually is an OT who deals with kids like this in a different school district. Not sure they will allow me to do that but it may make me more comfortable with my son in the class with this boy just maybe not sitting next to him right now. My son is very caring and friendly so once he gets more comfortable with the whole thing it may not be an issue.
Prestonmom
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9|3|I agree with Kelly|mindylou86|mwhitt@antigopro.net|23:11:47|09/17/2008|
M 10|4|Take care of your son's needs|Stace|stace29@msn.com|00:55:59|09/18/2008|
I can see how being in a class with a boy that's different could be upsetting to your son. It may also yield some unexpected rewards in the long run. My daughter is also autistic, and has similar problems. I'm always amazed at how children react. Like a previous poster, I'm touched when we go places and kids go out of their way to say hello to her. I'm also hurt by the ones who are impatient and sometimes unkind and intolerant of her. But I also understand that some of us aren't completely comfortable around people with disabilities and that's okay. (I'm actually very shy, and sometimes have trouble reaching out to people, so being around anyone with a disability can be hard for me too, but not as hard as before I had my daughter...she's taught me a lot) It may be that in the long run, your son may be able to overcome some of his feelings and in the future, feel more comfortable around people that are different from him. But I do agree, if he's not comfortable sitting next to this boy, it's better for your son and for the boy with the disability, that he be moved to another desk. Your son should be comfortable in the class and be able to get to know the boy before he's put in a position where he has to be that close. It's okay if he has a chance to decide how he feels about him. I will say though, that it's so good for kids with social disabilities, like autism, to be able to be with mainstreamed kids. I also truly believe it's as beneficial to the kids in the class to be around kids that are different. A few outbursts from the classmate won't hurt anyone, and with an aide there, I don't think you need to worry about other children being hurt. Having "anger issues" and being "dangerous" are not necessarily the same thing. I really doubt if he was dangerous, they would have him in class. The aide is an extra precaution as well. My guess is your friend needs shin guards to protect her legs if she needs to hold him or take him from the class and he kicks, like if he has meltdown.
And I have to say too, sometimes autistic kids do things that are inappropriate in class. My sweet third grader gets frustrated and cries, sometimes yells a little if she doesn't understand what's expected of her, or needs to pace in the back of the room to calm down. She doesn't require an aide, but on a few bad days, has gone to resource to "walk and talk" I'm so blessed to have wonderful resource teachers, awesome classroom teachers, and very wonderful friends and parents who allow her to be a little different around the kids in her class. The kids accept her, even feeling comfortable enough to ask me questions about why she yells or cries, and how to make her feel better. The kids also coach her on appropriate behavior, which has been so wonderful...she is learning from her peers, and she feels like they care about her. I truly believe my daughter is a good friend to them as well. She is dealing with so much, and learning so well how to get along, but it's been a long process, and one that will continue throughout her life. It actually offends me a little when I hear comments about how kids like my daughter shouldn't be around normal kids in school. She is learning from them, but they are learning from her as well. She may cause a few distractions, but the life lessons that are there for everyone are priceless.
I really think that your son will gain a lot from being around this boy. He may not find a lifelong friend, but he'll gain an understanding that few get and may learn to overcome some of his uncomfortable feelings. Of course, in your situation, it may be better if there was a little more distance between your son and his classmate so he can get to that point. In no way am I saying anything you or your son are feeling is wrong, just giving you my perspective. Please don't think I'm slamming you or anyone else who may have similar situations...I'm not professing that the boy in your son's class is just like my sweet daughter...but I just wanted to put in my two cents about how wrong I think the stigma is that mainstreaming kids with disabilities handicaps "normal" students in their class. I think it's wise to go to the teacher to voice your concerns, and I hope she listens and you get a few answers so you feel better about the situation in your son's class.
Hope it all works out, and your son has a great school year!!
11|5|i think the teacher .....|couponsnsamples|couponsnsamples@hotmail.com|07:29:54|09/18/2008|
Posted on Sep-18-08 at 07:29 AM (Eastern) by 205.188.116.68
who told the class he had "anger issues" is totally in the WRONG for doing so.........like is like she is holding up a red flag over his head........if someone told me that....and he was bigger than me.......id be scared too.......
as one of the others said........a little outburst in the class isnt gonna hurt anyone....these kids CANNOT help that.......hopefully.....someday he will be able to control it.......
and like the other person.....said..about getting a little offended...by some of the comments.....about these children being mainstreamed...... im wondering if you would feel differently........if it was your child.......???
our school actually had children....work with the kids who have disablities...and when we had my sons birthday party...my sons friend...who works with him.....a normal child.....was released from his own classroom.....and came to my sons lifeskills room.....and spent the whole afternoon....playing..having cake..ect....with all the disabled kids......and that child had a ball.............
on one occasion....when my son was in first or second grade.....they had child helpers....in gym class.......and two little girls.....was actually....argueing...over who was gonna help my son that day......and they were grabbing on to his hands...holding him by the arm..ect....and he bit the little girl on the hand to get her off him.............school called me....and her parents...they came to ck on her.......and i never heard a word from them....they..told the principal.....she has been told he cant be held on too..ect....she will be fine.......
to this day..she isnt afraid of him......now if they had made a huge deal out of it....im guessing she would have been...................my point is......is my son a danger because he bit a child???? if so.......how many of your own children...have bit..hit..done things they shouldnt have.....that does not mean they are a danger............im guessing had this been some other parent that wanted to be an a-- id would have probably been in court.....thank god some people are understand......
as far as anger issues.......im willing to bet theres alot more anger issues in our own lifes than we are willing to admit.....LOL........when it comes to my kids...i have huge anger issues.....but that dont mean im a danger....just a p--sed off mom.......
i know for a fact..there are alot of us on this board.....that are parents of children with
some type of disablity........and im certain..that if the child in this post...was your own child
you would not be so quick..to say..he shouldnt be in a regualar class..with normal children....you would be like me and every other parent......grasping at straws.....trying everything possible..to give them a somewhat normal life..........
12|6|I'm sorry if my comments offended you...they certainly were not intended to do so...|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|07:39:16|09/18/2008|
Last edited on Sep-18-08 at 07:42 AM (Eastern) by 64.12.116.68
Posted on Sep-18-08 at 07:39 AM (Eastern) by 64.12.116.68
I don't think there's a problem with mainstreaming children but if there is a child that is severely disruptive....and affects a whole class than that is a problem ...and as a parent and a tax payer too.....my child has the right to education as well.....and seriously....if the teacher is trying to teach a bunch of 2nd graders and all of a sudden there's a major crash from a desk falling and screaming and outbursts...it's going to completely stop the lesson while the children observe this....thus taking them off their focus (something that is important for a 2nd grader)...while the aide tries to get them calm....then even after the child is either removed to relieve their anxiety ...there's a classroom of children that now have to get readjusted and start the lesson either over again or where they left off from....so I'm sorry but I don't think it's fair to them or to the teacher whose trying to do their job. Also with all of the pressures placed upon teachers to make sure their children pass standardized tests and with their allotted time..severe disruptions affect this as well.
And I understand the teacher's plight as well.....I'm sure she/he wants to do everything they can to provide a quality education for EVERY child in that room.....and wants to ensure the class their safety....while also letting them know kicking over desks and outbursts is not acceptable behavior. ....I'm sure she doesn't want a class of 19 to all start tipping their desks over because one child does it.....which is why she may have said that to the class...it may not have been the most well thought out explanation...but I'm sure they too are trying to make sure everyone is comfortable.
Again, I'm sorry if you were offended.....that was not my intent...and to answer your question....yes if my child was severely disruptive I would not expect the school to keep him/her in a classroom where he/she would the the source of so much chaos.......
13|7|I also wanted to mention....|Stace|stace29@msn.com|10:30:07|09/18/2008|
Prestonsmom, you also mentioned that the boy in your son's class smiles in his face, and it makes him uncomfortable (and I understand why that would be!) My daughter also does things like that and it can make others uncomfortable. We want her to learn appropriate social skills, and so we do all we can to help her find ways to express her affection and learn to be friendly in good ways.
In fact, right now we're struggling with her giving her classmates or teammates a pat on the rear end when they do something good. She saw a basketball game, and noticed that the athletes slap each others fannies when they've done a good job. Imagine her dance class's surprise when they all got a spank after their dance recital...LOL. She also loves to hug people, and sometimes hugs kids who she wants to make friends with. Just yesterday, she came home and said she had tried to hug a couple girls at lunch, but they didn't want to be hugged. She wasn't upset so they must have been nice about it. And I really appreciated them letting her know they didn't want to be hugged. I don't expect other kids or adults to let her do things that make them uncomfortable, because she has to learn to be a good friend, and they shouldn't feel obligated to let her invade their space because she is autistic.
We try to find other things she can do to be friendly, and share that with anyone who asks what they should do when she does something they don't like, like slapping their fannies! I tell them it's okay if they tell her no (though I really appreciate it when they do it kindly!), and then think of an alternative, like giving a high five instead, or shaking hands, or just giving her a soft, reassuring pat on the back. I'm not saying that changes my daughter's behavior right away, but one thing I've learned with autism, is it takes a lot of repetition to teach a new social skill. So one day it clicks with her, the fanny slapping will stop, and she'll learn a better way to make friends. But I really appreciate everyone's patience while she's learning...in many ways, she really doesn't know any better!
Maybe when you talk to your son's teacher, you could bring up the smiling in his face, and ask what your son can do. (Even if he moves to another desk, he'll be in the same class, and may have to deal with it throughout the year) If your son and his classmates have a plan, like backing away and offering a high five, or just smiling and moving away so the boy's not so close, etc. he would feel better. It sounds like your son is a kind, friendly boy and doesn't want to hurt his classmate's feelings. I think that's awesome, but it's okay if he doesn't like to have him in his face. I think it's okay if he finds a way to deal with it (though the disabled boy may still continue to try the behavior for awhile). I think feeling in control of your own personal space is important for everyone.
I hope that helps! (Hope I'm staying on topic and giving you a little information that will help with your conference...)
14|7| i guess a person would have to live with a handicap child to really |couponsnsamples|couponsnsamples@hotmail.com|10:30:10|09/18/2008|
Posted on Sep-18-08 at 10:30 AM (Eastern) by 205.188.116.68
see the situation as we do.........but....its not like an interruption in a class room is gonna kill any child..........ive sat in my older childrens class many times.when they were small....just to see what is going on...........and many many times.......the class is interrupted by announcements.....other teachers walking in..........and even phone calls.....so yes a child throwing a tantrum......is gonna cause a scene...for a moment....but its not like the aide..is gonna let it go on and on...without escorting the child out............
how many times have u been in a resturant.....and child throws a fit.....does that just ruin your whole appetite?.to where you couldnt finish your meal.?...or how many times have u been in church...and a baby starts screaming....does that just ruin your whole sunday and cause a life altering situation for u? noooo........kids are sometimes way more understanding of situations than parents.....
and like u said........you are a tax payer....but so are the parents of these children.......not all parents of disabled children......get checks and benefits for them.....i for one....know my son doesnt get anything from disablity...medical assistance ..or whatever else is out there...........so....as a tax payer myself.....id fight tooth and nail.......with anyone that demanded my child be taken out of a regualar class room....just because once in awhile..he is disruptive........
used to be.....when i took my son to walmart....and he didnt get exactly what he wanted...he would down right throw a fit.....i mean....lay in the floor..screaming..ect...if i had totally removed him that situations like that....i guess i would have never took him to walmart again.....instead..if he acted up......he left without anything....eventually he learned fits dont get him anywhere....so...
im sure if the children in this class....would just nicely call the boys name..each time he gets in their face...and say.. -----will you please sit in your sit......it usually works ..but if he gets a reaction out of them.....he will keep doing it..and think its funny.....
15|8|Well,,,we'll have to agree to disagree....like I said....depends on the severity of the disorder (any type)....|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|10:35:15|09/18/2008|
Posted on Sep-18-08 at 10:35 AM (Eastern) by 64.12.116.68
there are degrees to any disorder, as I stated earlier....I think you are misunderstanding my original comment...I'm FOR mainstreaming depending on the severity of the disorder...and I made no mention of children getting benefits...just stating that my child has every right as yours to receive a decent well grounded education .so I'll leave it at that.
16|9|:) kellysp...|Stace|stace29@msn.com|11:56:19|09/18/2008|
>Last edited on Sep-18-08 at 10:37 AM
>(Eastern) by 64.12.116.68Posted on Sep-18-08 at
>10:35 AM (Eastern) by 64.12.116.68
>there are degrees to any disorder, as
>I stated earlier....I think you are
>misunderstanding my original comment...I'm FOR mainstreaming
>depending on the severity of the
>disorder...and I made no mention of
>children getting benefits...just stating that my
>child has every right as yours
>to receive a decent well grounded
>education .so I'll leave it
>at that.
I can understand where you're coming from, and agree with your comments about mainstreaming depending on the disorder. Of course, I think that needs to apply to all children, not just ones with diagnosed disabilities. I'm sure we can all think of a few kids who were disruptive in class often, and didn't have any diagnosed problems...I would hope all are given the same benefit. I have three other non-autistic kids in public school, and want the best for them as well.
We all feel that our children deserve a "decent well grounded education." I think it would be hard to be in the educators position and try to balance it all to everyone's advantage. I would hope all would be as open minded as you, and allow for a little wiggle room in figuring out what's best. It does have to be taken on a case by case basis. I appreciate your comments and in clarifying that you are for mainstreaming depending on the situation...I know you weren't trying to offend. :) I have run into adults who believe otherwise, and I think that's where it gets touchy.
This can be a controversial topic, and I think it's good not to think in absolutes, but realize that as a rule, life is messy, and we don't always get it right the first time. Mainstreaming my daughter is absolutely the right thing to do, and I'll advocate that for her (though I've never had to push it) That may not be appropriate in every situation. I think it comes down to finding a good balance in every classroom...and there may be some compromise involved. It can't always be perfect for everyone, but it can be optimal. I'm very grateful for those, like you, who see the benefit of having a child with a disability in your child's class, and are willing to make the compromises when appropriate. I don't expect anyone to be forced to put up with my daughter, but I do expect a certain amount of accomodation and tolerence of her, because let's face it, we're preparing our kids for real life, and people like my daughter are part of that. We all want our kids to have the best education and develop the best social skills possible so they can go out in the real world and have great lives! I can tell that's all you want too, because you're a good mom...I hear that in your comments. :)
I'm really interested to find out what the OP's situation is with the boy in her son's class.
19|5|thanks for writing this, if I could have, I would have |glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|13:34:16|09/18/2008|
Posted on Sep-18-08 at 01:34 PM (Eastern) by 98.26.122.121
really, Stace, good comment.
I want my son to grow up with as normal a life as possible and hope no parent of another student in his class has an attitude toward
him if he happens to have a bad day. Even having a day with anger does not make him a public menace. On the other hand one of the
major problems in america I think is that people are not taught to be around others that are different, or to be helpful, or kind, but
to always be trying to get more for themselves. I really would like to think every (disabled) kid can teach others to be kind, patient,
considerate, and maybe to think about someone else's need for a danged minute, kwim? Is the distraction this kid might make the only
distraction that might ever happen in a class? Can kids not learn to deal with distractions? Must every moment of every day in our
kids lives be 'perfect' by our standards? When does me first ever come to an end? When everybody different is rounded up and hauled
off to a concentration camp so that they don't inconvenience our lives???
17|1|he may also have ADHD and/or Oppositional Defiant Disorder |Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|12:49:29|09/18/2008|
My son has ADHD & has an aide that helps him stay focused on his work. At times, if he becomes disruptive, she will remove him from the room too.
As a previous poster mentioned, there is a difference between "anger issues" and being "dangerous". My son is a sensitive little boy, but he also has some "anger issues" (generally stemming from frustration). He wouldn't just get up and starting hitting other children, but I could see him getting frustrated and start pushing or something to that effect. That is what the aide is there for though, to diffuse situations like that and/or to remove him from the classroom when necessary.
Your son does have the right to feel safe. I agree that he may learn something from this other student, but he won't be able to if he's uneasy or fearful. I think talking to the teacher or the school is a good way to get a firmer grasp on the whole situtation so that your son could possibly be moved or so that he would know better how to handle where he's at.
Good luck!
lauren 18|2|Kelly, thanks for another perspective|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|12:53:28|09/18/2008|
I just never thought of it from another mother's perspective, one that doesn't have a child with special needs or problems.
Having decided that a "regular" classroom is the optimal solution for our son at this point, I would fight like crazy to keep him there (I have nothing against a special needs classroom, just that our school district is sorely lacking in that entire special needs area). But I do appreciate another person's perspective. It never occured to me that another mother might not appreciate my son being in the classroom.
lauren
20|1|Why not take all the kids who are different and just put them in the garbage?|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|13:44:01|09/18/2008|
Because we are supposed to be human beings is why not... 21|2|Huh??? What is that supposed to mean?|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|13:47:24|09/18/2008|
K 23|3|read the inside of my comment|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|14:22:21|09/18/2008|
because we are supposed to be human beings is why not... 22|2|Glennie your comment is rude and over the top|Kristy|mi3zons1@yahoo.com|13:48:21|09/18/2008|
I understand perhaps this post has hit a sore spot for you but a post like that only fuels drama. Everyone here has valid points and though I haven't posted I've been reading. There is no need to get so angry or upset simply skip the post next time.
"Women should not have children after 35. Thirty-five children are enough." - anonymous (Only 28 to GO!) 24|3|you are welcome to your opinion as I am to mine and the answer is still|glennie58|glenn_scott@alumni.ksg.harvard.edu|14:23:24|09/18/2008|
Posted on Sep-18-08 at 02:23 PM (Eastern) by 98.26.122.121
because we are human beings...
it is an extremist comment, I agree, but I made the comment to make the point that this needs to end. It's a slippery slope and I don't want to be on it. That's what I meant to convey by taking it all the way to the extreme. Sorry if anyone is offended.
25|1|Thanks for everyones opinions|prestonmom|prestonmom@yahoo.com|16:48:22|09/18/2008|
That's what I was looking for- didn't want people getting mad. But I do not have a child with autism and I knew there were some out there that could enlighten me.
Reading the post and talking with my friend who actually is a OT working with kids in another school district- I really think teacher did a disservice to the kids telling them he had anger issues. I actually think at least with my son she has scared him a bit. I will also be mentioning to her that I think maybe someone should come in an explain what is going on so they understand as much as possible.
I talked with my son again this morning and asked if he felt threaten by this boy and he said no. He seems to like his class and teacher. He seems more worried that he may get hurt during a meltdown since he sits right next to him. Supposively he almost hit his toe when he pushed the desk down. I did explain that the teacher wouldn't put him in a situation that she didn't think was safe and that is why the aide is also with him.
Thank to all who have also emailed me and wanted to keep their opinions private. Feel free to email me me if don't feel comfortable posting.
This is new to me so I am just trying to see what is best for my son. I don't really disagree with mainstreaming- I think my son can learn things from the situation that is why I have a conference with the teacher and am not just in there getting him moved to a new class.
Plus this is one of a couple things I am going in to talk with her about.
Prestonmom
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26|1|My thoughts.....|pinchinpennies|pinchinmypennies@aol.com|23:23:53|09/18/2008|
In my opinion, if it were my child I would ask that the teacher move him to a different seat. I say this because if he feels uncomfortable sitting next to the other child that in itself may be a distraction, I think that in time he will feel comfortable around the other child once he gets to know him, he just may need a little space to do that.
My opinion on children with disabilities etc in the classroom: I realize that each child is different and depending on the issue there can be disruptions in the class, my children don't suffer from any disabilities, but I can honestly say as a mom, if they did I would want them to be able to attend class in the same fashion as any other child.
I also agree with what others have said, I do believe that children are more accepting of others that are different if they understand why they are different. Last year my son who was in 5th grade at the time had 2 children in his class that had disabilities, and had an aide. The students were doing the state assessment tests and my son came home tired and sick of the tests, and questioning why these 2 students didn't have to spend the day doing the tests and how he thought it was unfair. I explained to him that because they did have some problems they may not have been able to take the test in the same fashion as the rest of the class, and that they do take the tests, just in a fashion that is appropriate for them. Once he understood why they didn't do it with the rest of the class he had a totally different attitude about it. ( He is also friends with these students)
In my children's school everyone attends class in the same fashion and an aide is provided if a child needs one. I have observed this personally and I have to say that at the school here they are very good with the child they are assigned to, and continue to be their aide into the next school year, the aides appear to know the child very well as far as what they need help with, when a situation may start etc.
My children are in 8th, 6th, 2nd & kindergarten and over the years there have been several children that are a little "different" for various reasons and to different degrees. I have always taught my children that some times they will meet people that are different, and told them there is one thing they will always have in common, and that being that the other child has feelings also, so to treat them no differently than they would anyone else.
I feel that if a child is excluded for being "different" that only teaches children that being different is bad. Children will never learn to communicate with and accept people for who they are if they are not given the chance to. I am glad my children go to a school that doesn't separate kids with disabilities because this has given my children the chance to see that they will meet all different kinds of people in life and that even though some may be different in some way or another that they are still people with feelings and even though they may seem really different, in many ways are no different at all.
I realize that sometimes there can be disruptions, but life is full of them and children need to learn how to deal with them at some point in life, excluding children from the classroom with the other students because of this reason is no way to teach kids how to deal with disruptions, the same as it is not going to teach the disruptive child how to function in the real world.
It seems to me that our society always wants to discriminate against and frown apon those that are different, but the society never questions why it can't just accept someone for who they are..... 27|1|My 2 cents|zombietoo|littlejadensmom@juno.com|00:09:51|09/19/2008|
I don't know how to put into words what I'm trying to say, however, we are all humans; black, white, brown, catholic, muslim, jew, physical, mental/emotional, learning disabilities, etc... We are all different, however we all are humans. We humans are afraid of different humans because we don't understand the other. The real world is made up of a hodge podge. Sadly, discrimination is never ending due to ignorance. Children are the future and they are the ones to end it by understanding, they can learn to accept and appreciate everyone. The real world has interruptions, that's part of life, children must lean how to get back on track to function in the real world as adults... "Children Learn What They Live" ... "If children live with tolerance, they learn patience." ... "If children live with acceptance, they learn to love." ... 28|1|Very eloquently put, Maleaha!! : )|Mackiesmudder|Mackiesmudder@aol.com|01:05:02|09/19/2008|
Cathie 29|2|i believe i posted on the board a few months ago...about |couponsnsamples|couponsnsamples@hotmail.com|08:52:38|09/19/2008|
an incident....when i had my son in walmart.......the store was kinda crowded that day...and my son was throwing a tantrum...just kinda be loud...ect...and as i was walking him out of the store.....some BUSY BODY OLD BAG.....whom had NO ideal..of what was going on.....reaches over boxes,displays..ect in the main isle...and taps me on the shoulder.....says..'DO U NEED ME TO WEAR HIM OUT FOR U."....
..the whole time....my son is still loud..had a grip on my arm..ect..
..at first..i thought she was someone who knew him.....and was just being silly...but just as quick as she said...it..when she realized i WASNT THE LEAST BIT AMUSED.......she quickly turned and rushed away.....
......needless to say..i was a bit upset-mad- p---sed,all rolled into one......i took my son to the car....left him with my 16yr old...and came back in to find her......needless to say i didnt find her...
..but during the eposiode..walmart employees..were stopping what they were doing ..staring ..gawking...ect.......
.i came home...sat down and wrote a letter...to the editor of the paper and had it published.......
my point was......why people....who have no ideal.what was going on ,ect or for that matter even what they are talking about..want to make it a point to go out of their way to say rude things to parents,who are doing the best they can with that child..
..what they dont realize is that even though we are doing the best we can..sometimes our best just isnt good enough...cause no matter what we do..outburst are gonna happen....ect...
when a person avoids a person with disablities...it makes me think that person ,THINKS,they are better than that person or beyond them....
i think sometimes..that people think their family,kids,lifes, are soooooooo perfect ,that they cant see out of their little box..and even imagine....what life is or would be if they lived in a home with a disabled child.....
what people dont know..is we live in a perfect family also..(perfect in my eyes)..its just different than most..we get up...get dressed for school each day(sometimes with a meltdown in between breakfast and dressing)...we go to stores..toyrus,chuckycheese,we have vacations,sometimes with alot more difficulty than others,,,but my point is....just because its harder ,more nerve racking.....and sometimes a total disaster...we CANNOT..DEPRIVE disabled kids..of the same things /chances..that normal kids do/have..........
i think most people just need to take time to try and understand.........
30|1|My daughter who is a teacher had a autisic boy like this in her class.....|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|18:08:51|09/20/2008|
they were trying to mainstream him, with no aid, and he could do very little on his own. Even the resource teacher believed he was not ready to be mainstreamed but the mom was pushing it, and unrealistic about what he could and could not do. It consumed my daughters classrooom and took away from her teaching the other kids. He attacked my daughter and that is when they took him out. Now she said they are trying to main stream him again this year, hopefully he has an aid, because I would think that would help. I think placement in a classroom needs to be case by case, and carefully thought out, sometimes it can benefit the whole class, but sometimes it can harm the classroom situation.
At my younger daughters school, she has become friends with two children that are mainstreamed, and she loves to help them out. I think when they are mainstreamed it would be very helpful to find a child that was willng to be their buddy, and encourage the other children to learn about the disability what ever it is and work as a class to help the child.
************
Posted on Sep-20-08 at 06:35 PM (Eastern) by 205.188.116.68
not every child is the same....and therefore mainstreaming needs to be done case by case.....I'm sad that this post got turned into a discrimination post....it was never intended to be......
This isn't about children being different... or thinking that someone is "better" than another person.....because I certainly don't feel that I or my children are any better than anyone with OR without a disability.......
There seems to be sooo much anger from alot thinking that I was suggesting that their child not be allowed to be mainstreamed into classrooms.....when that was NOT the case....I was simply stating that a case by case assessment is imperative to the success of not only the child involved but for the entire class.....
Another post referred that society needs to stop putting "me" first...ofcourse they do,,,,however,,,,isn't that what EVERY mom on this board does????? I mean seriously....as a parent of your autistic child you are putting their needs first because that's what a good mom does....why shouldn't I be allowed to put my child's needs first too???? That's what good parents do...
In stating this,,,does this mean that every child with a disorder or who is disruptive should be in a special classroom??? Absolutely NOT....However.....if it is a patterned behavior and continually affects an entire classroom....should they be in a special classroom?? Absolutely......And yes, Interruptions happen on a regular basis...but I truly believe there is a difference between your average intercom interruption or someone walking in the classroom and a flat out kicking, screaming, desk throwing violent meltdown on a frequent basis...those are two ENTIRELY different kinds of interruptions that can and do impact an entire classroom....
And on another topic...my children may not have autism or ADHD ...BUT they are kids...they have tantrums....particularly my five year old who is VERY strong willed. And I can honestly tell you that she has a meltdown literally EVERY single morning before school because she hates to get up early, doesn't like what she picked out to wear the night before, doesn't want her hair in a certain style...you name it(Some mornings I feel like I've run a marathon by the time I get to work because I'm literally exhausted from the morning struggle).......I in NOOOOO way think my life is perfect....but like everyone else...it's perfect in my eyes...I love my children just as you do....
I wish the best for everyone on this board and do not wish to make enemies or argue...I wish each and every one of your children success and the happiest life possible.....
32|3|Hope all went well with the teacher today....|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|17:14:08|09/22/2008|
:)