Ok please tell me if im over reacting here.....
Yesterday my DD went to track practice i usually pick her up at 4:30 well yesterday i was out so i got to the school about 4:10 and i see the coach and ask him are the girls still out there he says which one is yours so i tell him and he says oh she didnt practice today last time i saw her she was walking toward the supermarket!!!!! Ok im mad by now. So i call DD and say where are you she says im almost done, like she had been at practice the whole time!!!! I ask again where are you so she tells me and i said im coming to get you. So i go pick her and her friend up who skipped on track practice and didnt bother to call and let me or the other girls mom know. So im upset over this.......Then
Ok lets back track a little here. Last friday night we go to the high school football game i usually dont let me dd just wander around. But she wanted to go sit with some friends and i say go ahead. I figure i can trust her to do the right things, right.
Well last night my friend calls me (this is the friends whos daughter i picked up with my DD when they skipped track) And she tells me that she found some notes in her DD's binder for school from her daughter and mine. And come to find out that while i let them go sit on there own at the football game they are kissing boys!!!!!
So am i tottally freaking out here over nothing??? I mean i know they are at that age because my DD is turning 14 this month and her friend just turned 14 but it just feels to me that they are trying to be sneaky about stuff right now. Oh yeah and the boy that my DD was kissing is not even her boyfriend so to speak. She doesnt have one or so she tells me
I told my DD that she was grounded until further notice and that if i ever let her go to another football game she will have to stay by me the whole time.
Ok so tell me am i over reacting here???? Because im not ready for this!!!!!
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1|1|I think...|sunriver|lithiasalt@cheerful.com|11:22:57|09/17/2008|
We are in the same boat in a lot of ways. My Dd is 14 too and it is a tough age. Their friends are all trying to look and act older and it is really up to us to scale it back. As much as I see my daughter wanting to try to keep up with friends, I also see a kid who is relieved when I set clear boundaries (and lying is a huge thing to me!). I would sit down and have a talk with her about what you expect from her and tell her what she can expect from you. I tell mine that I expect her to work hard at school and to follow through with anything she does as extras (drama is her big thing) and as long as she is doing that and is talking to me and being honest about what she is doing, I will let her do more fun things as they come up (going to movies with friends that I have met and things like that, but all in groups).
I feel for you. I don't think you over-reacted either. I would have grounded for lying. HTH. Vanessa 2|2|oh trust me she is grounded..........|rainj|jrainshgp@centurytel.net|11:27:44|09/17/2008|
I also told her that if i ever let her to go another football game that she will be sitting with me the hole time!!!!
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3|1|You didnt over-react..............|cldt67|cindy123@zoominternet.net|11:43:02|09/17/2008|
I have 2 teens. They try to push the limits. Mom pushes right back. The teen yrs are tough. Hang in there. Cindy 4|2|Thanks :)|rainj|jrainshgp@centurytel.net|15:19:41|09/17/2008|
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5|1|jennifer, did you ground her for kissing boys OR ...............|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|15:58:27|09/17/2008|
did you ground her for LYING to you? your post is confusing. and in my opinion, kissing boys at age 14 is nothing to be grounded for, it's part of human nature. now lying, on the other hand, is a completely different story and she should DEFINATELY be punished for that. jmho
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6|2|I AGREE WITH JACKIE, THE LYING AND SNEAKING IS THE PROBLEM....NOT THE OTHER|JOYHAPPYONE|DAIDOLA5@AOL.COM|19:47:28|09/17/2008|
I'M TOO GOOD LOOKING TO BE THIS OLD...AT MY AGE I'VE SEEN IT ALL, I'VE HEARD IT ALL, AND I'VE DONE IT ALL..I JUST CAN'T REMEMBER IT ALL!!!!!!!! 7|3|I grounded her for lying to me but i wasnt happy about her kissing a boy either!!!!!|rainj|jrainshgp@centurytel.net|09:43:47|09/18/2008|
Shes not quite 14 yet and im just not ready for any of this!!!! I know i know shes growing up but i dont want her to grow up to quickly, you know what i mean. I just feel she has been really sneaky about all of this and im just not happy about any of it. Why do kids now days think they have to rush into things???
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8|4|but jennifer, 13 or 14 honestly isn't too early to start noticing boys or even kiss them.......|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|10:09:04|09/18/2008|
i know it feels like it's too young for you, but she's goning through puberty and this is part of it. perhaps if you talk to her and let her know how you feel and give her a chance to let you know how she feels it won't be so hard on you. (or on her for that matter) is there a reason she feels she needs to sneak around? sometimes, giving a little bit of room is better than giving none at all. kwim? wouldn't you rather know she's seeing a boy named rob and they are going to meet at the football game on friday night and are probably going to kiss rather than not knowing at all? also, kissing in a public place with lots of people around is a whole lot better than sneaking off to a car or into the woods where no one can see. at least in public they are limited as what they can do. good luck to you and jmho :)
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9|1|um, some people do consider 13 or 14 too young for kissing|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|13:05:56|09/18/2008|
I'm not so naive to think that my daughter absolutely won't be kissing a boy at that age, but I sure am not going to encourage it either.
And I've heard the argument that if you are too strict, they're just going to go behind your back anyways...and I don't buy it.
lauren
11|2|and some people don't. i'm guessing you're one who does and i'm one who doesn't (M)|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|14:12:15|09/18/2008|
in either case we both have the right to express our views on the subject in this forum.
and just a little something to think about ................ less than 80 years ago (less years than my grandmother is old) it was common place for "women" to get MARRIED at 13 or 14.
kwim?
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13|3|also.....|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|14:27:00|09/18/2008|
10|1|my thoughts --->|gwens29|gwen41539@bellsouth.net|13:34:00|09/18/2008|
I remember being 13 and 14 it was tough i think if she is a mature young lady then it would be ok as long as she wasnt making a specticle of it and I would express my concerns and try to get her to confide her feelings etc u dont want to push her away... i do think she needs to be punished for the lying and sneaking around but i think u should make it clear that u understand she is becoming a teenager and kissing boys is part of it but the she doesnt need to lie to you about it or sneak around to do it i know its hard but i think the harder u are on her the worse she will rebel i would ground her for 2 weeks no going anywhere but let her know u are punishing her because she lied and snuck around not because she is kissing a boy and in this day and age u should be glad she is kissing boys instead of girls lol think about it...
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12|2|"less than 80 years ago (less years than my grandmother is old) it was common place for "women" to get MARRIED at 13 or 14."|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|14:23:41|09/18/2008|
I don't understand your point. Were people 80 years ago somehow more enlightened than we are now?
I could say that less than 80 years ago, people were mostly bigoted....so what? Pointing to past practices is not really rationalization or justification for current behavior, is it?
14|3|also.......................|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|14:27:44|09/18/2008|
"in either case we both have the right to express our views on the subject in this forum" ....you're absolutely right. I thought she made it pretty clear that she's not real comfortable with her daughter kissing a boy right now.
19|4|she did, and you made it clear that you don't feel comfortable with it either, jsut as i made it clear that i think it's ok. everyone has an opinion, it's just not always the same as ours nor the one we want to hear. :)|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|15:22:41|09/18/2008|
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18|3|no, it has nothing to do with enlightening at all..................|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|15:21:27|09/18/2008|
my point was and is, kissing is a whole lot better than getting married at the age of 13 or 14 like some of our grandparents did.
sorry if i didn't make that clear.
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15|1|ok more inside.........|rainj|jrainshgp@centurytel.net|14:49:55|09/18/2008|
I am one of those who thinks that kissing at 13 and 14 is just to young. Now mind you she got grounded for lying and sneaking not for the kissing part and she knows that. While im in no way encouraging her to kiss boys im not telling her not to do it either. I dont want to say dont do it because im afraid that that will make her want to do it even more. What i am going to do is limit her time to where she has the opportunity to do it. I think that alot of what she is going through has to do with peer pressure. And i dont want her to feel pressured to do other things as well. Know what i mean. Yes i know that she is growing up and she has all these hormones but what i really want is for her to think before she acts. I try to have a very open relationship with my DD although times she looks at me like im an Alien or something when i talk to her. Besides the fact that i think shes too young the real reason im upset is that she was kissing some boy who is not her boyfriend. Not that she has a boyfriend but if she were going to kiss a boy i would rather it be someone that she was "dating" She will be grounded for 2 weeks for the lying and sneaking around. I just wont stand for that. As far as the kissing goes what can i do except just make sure that she is not in a situation where it can happen again. Im not saying that i will be there every waking moment from now until shes married but i really try to install good values in my children. My DD has always drawn alot of attention from boys because she has well big boobs (putting it bluntly) I dont want boys going around talking about her saying hey she kissed this guy and he wasnt her boyfriend i wonder what she will do with me. I just want her to stay safe and not grow up so fast. She is after all only 13 years old. Im just trying to do what i think is best for my DD. I know that she doesnt see it that way. She thinks im horrible at best most times. But i guess thats part of being a teenager. I plan on being strick but no so strick that she will do things just to spite me. I do give her some freedom but for now that is going to be limited because she has shown me that i cant trust her judgement (not on the kissing part on the lying and sneaking part) Yes im not happy about the kissing that is no secret. I just think she is to young for all of it just yet.
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16|2|Can we lock them in their room til age 29? lol|cldt67|cindy123@zoominternet.net|14:56:44|09/18/2008|
LOL Cindy (who has already won Meanest Mom of 2008 award lol) 17|1|We all think our kids are too young|sheliar|sandk95@embarqmail.com|14:58:37|09/18/2008|
But the truth is, I agree with the statement that 13 or 14 is NOT too young to kiss. Anything else--yes, but I don't think that's too young to kiss. I kissed a boy for the first time when I was 12.
I also come from the perspective of having taught 7th grade before. Each year there were at least 2 6th graders at our school that turned up pregnant, 4-5 7th graders, etc. More than just kissing is starting to happen at 13. We all would hope that our kid would not do that, but hiding behind ignorance is not going to get the message across. I think that parents sitting down, having an in-depth sexual discussion, explaining things like the fact that girls get emotionally involved with sex more easily than boys, etc. and then expressing your belief that it's too soon for her to take those steps goes a long way. Sometimes being told that they "have to" say no allows them the bravery to say no to something they aren't sure about anyway.
The point is, kids grow up before we are ready for them to.
Shelia
"They say that we are better educated than our parents' generation. What they mean is that we go to school longer. They are not the same thing."---Douglas Yates
20|2|As a parent you have to know your children I kissed my first "bf" when I was 12 when I was 15 I met and started dating my now Dh |teener|teenerzacsneenee@yahoo.com|15:36:30|09/18/2008|
he was 19 My parents loved him ( still do ) and they trusted me ,they trusted us now my sisters not as far as you could throw them lol I think todays young girls look soooo much older than girls of that age when I was growing up but I also think that the magority are not as mature as they were back then either I don't think an innocent kiss is nothing to worry about BUT heavy kissing which we all know leads to other "heavy" things is wrong 23|3|Like Teener I have been with my husband since I was 15....|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|18:00:43|09/20/2008|
married by 19, and have been married 27 years, and still am in love even more than the beginning. I think we are the exception to the rule. A lot of people who are married that young don't make it.
My mom should not have been so trusting of me, and I wish she would have had the boldness to be the parent, and not leave me on my own. Or told me how important it was to wait for marriage before giving your self away completly. I had that talk with my daughter over and over again and am so proud of her for waiting for marriage. That talk starts way before they are even thinking of kissing, and continues until they marry.
************
Our kids want us to have the boldness to parent them, which often is telling them the thing they want to do is not the right thing to do at this time.
************
nancygal 22|1|I dont' think you are overeacting at all......|Quietwaters|Quietwaters39@hotmail.com|17:51:36|09/20/2008|
and as far as the kissing, I think even though their thoughts are moving in that direction, it is up to the parents to slow down that process a little and give them time to really grow up and shield them from a lot of hurt.
************
Stick to your guns...you are not being too strict. Welcome to my world - I spend every day surrounded by 13 and 14 year olds at school and a 13 year old at home! Drama, drama, drama when it comes to the girls. They need the structure and will eventually (10, 20, 30 years down the road) thank you for it.
Donna
I wanna soak up the sun
26|1|Update........|rainj|jrainshgp@centurytel.net|22:18:33|09/20/2008|
My DD had her bday party last night and there were 6 girls there all together around the age 14 it was a sleep over. Well anyway i kept going and checking on them until they went to sleep which was about 3:30 am anyway lets just say i heard conversations that they should NOT be having!!! I dont want to go into detail about it but it really makes me worry more after hearing this!!! And boy did they all have some potty mouths i did enter at one time and tell them they needed to watch there mouths and that they needed to watch there topics of conversations just to let them know that i had heard what they said
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27|2|? You said you grounded her but yet you allowed the party? |teener|teenerzacsneenee@yahoo.com|22:23:23|09/20/2008|
>Posted on Sep-20-08 at 10:18 PM (Eastern)
>by 208.54.209.163My DD had her bday
>party last night and there were
>6 girls there all together around
>the age 14 it was a
>sleep over. Well anyway i
>kept going and checking on them
>until they went to sleep which
>was about 3:30 am anyway lets
>just say i heard conversations that
>they should NOT be having!!!
>I dont want to go into
>detail about it but it really
>makes me worry more after hearing
>this!!! And boy did they
>all have some potty mouths i
>did enter at one time and
>tell them they needed to watch
>there mouths and that they needed
>to watch there topics of conversations
>just to let them know that
>i had heard what they said
>
>Please leave feedback for me @ http://www.refundsweepers.com/dcforum/feedback/598.html
>
>
>~Jennifer~
>
>
>
28|3|yes .........(more inside)|rainj|jrainshgp@centurytel.net|22:30:37|09/20/2008|
I really thought about canceling the party but decided to go ahead and let her have it since it was her birthday party and it had been planned for awhile now. I thought canceling her birthday party ontop of her already being grounded would be a bit to much. So i did let her go ahead and have her birthday party
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29|4|But don't you think that sent mixed messages? You punnished her for doing what she did ,probally in the |teener|teenerzacsneenee@yahoo.com|22:40:26|09/20/2008|
company of some of the same girls who came to the party which allows them the op to have the conversations that you over heard I know it's your DD just was wondering why 30|5|I thought long and hard about this.........|rainj|jrainshgp@centurytel.net|22:47:56|09/20/2008|
And even sat down and talked to my DD about it. I told her i was really thinking about canceling the party and that if i did allow her to have it (which i did) meant in no way that she was off the hook for what she did. The girls who were at her party were not the same girls that the other incident occoured. I was relieved when i over heard this conversation that it wasnt my DD doing the talking. It was just really shocking to hear 14 year olds talk like they were.
I see where you coming from tina with the mixed signals and like i said i thought long and hard about it and felt that canceling the party would just be to much of a punishment (in my opinion)
After all the girls went home today i did sit down and talk to my DD about the conversation that i heard and she was honest about it so that was a positive. It wasnt a bad bad conversation it just shouldnt have been coming out of the mouths of 14 year olds in my opinion.
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31|1|Jennifer....the lying would have been the biggest issue for me....|kellysp6637|frugalk76@aol.com|23:33:54|09/20/2008|
kids are growing up soooooo fast now a days....actually when I think back we did too.....it's so strange how we want to grow up so fast then spend the rest of our entire adult life trying to recapture our youth .....I can see why you'd be so mad....and think you were completely right to stick to you guns...
As for not cancelling the party....I wouldn't have cancelled the party either.....as for their talking....well....I remember at 13 and 14 my friends and I could have made sailors blush we talked that trashy.....
I wish you the best of luck......I have a 13 year old son and a 4 year old daughter and I already KNOW I'm going to need sedatives when my daughter gets that age.....geesh....she's already the class flirt...YIKES!