The last two years that my son was in school, I always picked his clothes out for him and there was no problem. This year he's doing it himself and it is becoming a HUGE problem. This is more than the average child's indecisiveness. It usually deteriorates into a major meltdown.
Like a lot of ADHD kids, Elijah gets very very frustrated when there are choices before him - he gets stuck in indecision mode (seriously, you could threaten punishment and it won't get him "unstuck"....it's like his brain gets stalled).
If I pick out his clothes, he gets mad. If he's allowed to pick them out, he can't do it. I'm thinking of picking 2 outfits out for him and letting him choose between the 2 - gives him some freedom of choice without it being too much....but I thought I'd ask if anyone else has this problem and what they do for it.
Thanks!
Lauren
1|1|that's exactly what i was thinking lauren. hth and good luck! :)|pussecat|pu55ecat@aol.com|12:39:05|09/12/2008|
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2|1|and maybe do this the night before so he doesn't feel the pressure to rush and decide in the morning and then get all frustrated...when he gets up he'll know he already did that "chore" and already be "mentally prepared" to take care of business... |emerald9|brandaseider@yahoo.com|14:24:08|09/12/2008|
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brandaseider@yahoo.com 3|1|we pick cklothes out for the week on sunday night my daughter is |crazymomx2|crazymomx3girls@hotmail.com|14:51:16|09/12/2008|
very very pickey and has to match shoes with clothes way to much for a 1st grader it was becoming a problem picking every morning or every night 2 weeks now doing the week long thing and it seams to be working she can only get something else if it gets soild at brakfast ot its to small,its working for us.this also gives me the oppertonity to iorn if neede hope this helps teri 4|2|I was going to say exactly what you are planning. Either let him choose between 2 outfits OR put out a pair of pants and 2-3 shirt choices for him to decide. How old is he?|Barb09|Barb0969@AOL.com|16:16:34|09/12/2008|
I looked and looked and found no coupons for troll food......SO, I don't feed the trolls!! 5|3|he's 7 Barb :)|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|20:27:16|09/12/2008|
Thanks everyone for your thoughts. We'll give the two outfits a try on Sunday evening.
lauren 6|1|Another way would be to have him pick a slip of paper that lists a color from the colors of shirts he has|suezz|clearys@comcast.net|10:38:03|09/13/2008|
Maybe have them in a box and he pulls out a paper that says "blue". He has made the choice. Then you could pull out two blue shirts and that is what he can choose from. The first "decision" was already made and he had something to do with it which might be very important to him and then he has a say in which of the two shirts. I do agree that it should ber done the night before...and done regularly the same way.
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7|1|Lauren.......|rainj|jrainshgp@centurytel.net|20:28:23|09/13/2008|
With my son i have him pick his clothes out the night before it works much better for us that way. Hes 8 and if i pick them out for him then he gets mad but in the AM it takes him forever. HTH :)
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8|2|Jennifer, we've tried that one but (m)|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|20:46:34|09/13/2008|
it doesn't work as he is ALWAYS unhappy with what he picked the night before and so he goes up to his room to pick something different and of course then it takes forever. When I've insisted that he stick with his decision from the night before, it results in a meltdown. But thanks for the suggestion :)
lauren 9|1|what works for us---->|gwens29|gwen41539@bellsouth.net|09:02:04|09/14/2008|
i have 2 adhd kids ds 13 who wears anything and dd 10 who fights with me over her clothes so the night before i choose 2 outfits and she has the choice between which one she wears in the morning if she gets up and trys to change it on me i hold my ground so far this has worked great for us and gives a feeling of control :)
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10|2|thanks Gwen|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|11:02:12|09/14/2008|
We'll give that one a try.
lauren 11|3|Oh boy did we have one of those mornings...........|rainj|jrainshgp@centurytel.net|10:34:56|09/15/2008|
Ok so DS picked his clothes out last night to wear today. Well he wasnt happy with them so decided to go get something else. Well of course it took him forever. 10 min before the bus comes hes still not ready. I say just get your clothes on the bus will be here any minute. Im sitting in his room with him at the moment. He starts yelling because im in his room and then the next thing i know he smacks me in the face!!! I was so shocked i couldnt even say anything. I just walked out of the room. He finally got dressed and out the door just as the bus is pulling up. I still cant believe that he hit me. I mean hes only 8 so its not like it hurt but its just the fact of the matter. Im going to be thinking alot about this today and what i should do about it. If you have any advice for me i would greatly appreciate it
Thanks :)
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12|4|oooh, Jennifer, so sorry to hear that!|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|13:03:16|09/15/2008|
Alone time (grounded to his room for a couple of hours) or take away something he really likes for a while for a punishment, I would think.
We actually had success today. I picked out one shorts outfit and one pants outfit, and not a single peep out of him this morning about it. I mean, not one single word about it - it was amazing, and I hope it keeps up!
lauren 13|4|oh Jennifer.......I'm sooo sorry!|zydeco|kimr@alador.com|21:58:04|09/15/2008|
But I do understand where your son's anger is coming from. Hitting you or someone else is not going to get him anywhere. Sooner or later you will realize your son is going to need extra time in the morning. That means waking up earlier. (I can tell you more about how ADD'ers that you want to know.)
What impressed me the most......he made the bus on time! He should get a gold star for that.
14|1|Jennifer.............|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|09:25:49|09/16/2008|
We had another successful morning with the way we tried it. I picked two outfits out the night before and laid them out for him to choose in the morning. Not a single peep out of him about it (except to ask me if he gets A pluses for not giving me a hard time...lol). I had been skeptical that this was even going to work as he doesn't usually like my clothes choices, but so far so good (only been 2 days, but still sooo much better than the last couple of weeks).
Such a relief after the first two weeks of arguments turned into meltdowns.
Good luck!
Lauren 15|2|We had a great morning this morning as well :)|rainj|jrainshgp@centurytel.net|10:03:41|09/16/2008|
Of first of i made my son stay in his room the entire evening last night only to come out to go to the restroom and have dinner. He had to clean his room and read his library books while he was in there. Of course he did come out quite a few times and ask if he could come out yet. But i wouldnt budge. I think he realizes what he did was very wrong. Not that it would never happen again because he has a very bad temper but im hoping that it wont.
Anyway last night he picked out two outfits and sat them out and this morning he got up got dressed and was ready for school in no time!!!! The only thing i had to tell him was to get socks on. It was such a wonderful morning i sure hope that we can have many more of them.
Lauren so glad that you had a good morning as well. Lets hope they both keep it up :)
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16|3|yeah Jennifer!|Beaglesfly|lmllr77@aol.com|11:45:34|09/16/2008|
Glad it went well. Good punishment by the way!
Lauren
17|4|Lauren.........|rainj|jrainshgp@centurytel.net|12:14:17|09/16/2008|
what i wanted to do was spank his little butt!!! But i knew that if i did that then it would be sending the wrong message for hitting. Know what i mean. Dont get me wrong i do spank my kids when they deserve it but i didnt think spanking was the solution here
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