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 "a funny "

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"a funny "
Posted by carmenanderson on Nov-04-07 at 09:08 PM (Eastern)
Posted on Nov-04-07 at 09:08 PM (Eastern) by 71.121.101.120

Peeing-Eye Dog
A blind man is standing at the corner with his seeing eye dog waiting to cross the street, when his pooch lifts his leg and pisses down the side of his nice, herringbone tweed trousers. The guy immediately pulls a doggie biscuit out of his pocket and offers it to the dog.

A businessman watches this from across the street. "Excuse me, sir," he calls to the blind man, "are you aware that your dog has just pissed all down the leg of your pants?"

"Yes," replies the blind man. "A dreadful habit, which I'm trying to break him of."

"Well, it's none of my business," says the onlooker, "but you're not going to teach him much by rewarding him with a biscuit!"

The blind fellow chuckles, and says, "I'm not rewarding him. I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his butt!"


Carmen in Comanche TX

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 Table of Contents
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1 . "another"
Posted by carmenanderson on Nov-04-07 at 09:10 PM (Eastern)
Posted on Nov-04-07 at 09:10 PM (Eastern) by 71.121.101.120


Good Ol' Sunday School
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars:

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation -

What can you learn from this demonstration?

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,

"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service.

Carmen in Comanche TX

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2 . "couldn't resist"
Posted by carmenanderson on Nov-04-07 at 09:11 PM (Eastern)
Posted on Nov-04-07 at 09:11 PM (Eastern) by 71.121.101.120


Class Action Down South...
Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin people to git cancer ?"

"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.

"And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants Fer makin them fat an cloggin their arteries with all them burgers an fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"

"Sure is, Bubba."

"And that lady sued McDonalds for millions when she Was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"

"Yep."

"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"

"That's right," said the lawyer."

"But why are you asking?"

"Well, I was thinkin . . ..

What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I'd been hanging out with?"


Carmen in Comanche TX

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3 . "here's more"
Posted by carmenanderson on Nov-04-07 at 09:12 PM (Eastern)
Posted on Nov-04-07 at 09:12 PM (Eastern) by 71.121.101.120


A Saint's Spelling Bee
A woman who died found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter.

She asked him, "Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It's so beautiful. Did I really make it to heaven?"

To which St. Peter replied, "Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you can enter."

The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates.

"Spell a word," St. Peter replied. "What word?" she asked.

"Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice." The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-o-v-e."

St. Peter congratulated her on her good fortune to have made it to Heaven, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he went to the bathroom.

"I'd be honored," she said, "but what should I do if someone comes while you are gone?"

St. Peter reassured her, and instructed the woman to simply have any newcomers to the Pearly Gates to spell a word as she had done.

So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair and watching the beautiful angels soaring around her when a man approaches the gates. She realizes it is her husband.

"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"

Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so drunk when I left your funeral, I was in an accident. And now I am here? Did I really make it to Heaven?"

To which the woman replied, "Not yet. You must spell a word first."

"What word?" he asked.

The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia."

Carmen in Comanche TX

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