Posted on Sep-22-11 at 01:53 AM (Eastern) by 71.29.7.48A professor was conducting a class in decision making. In his first drill, he picked a student from Georgia. "Now son," he said. "I want you to tell me the decision you'd make in this situation. You're driving a fully-loaded truck down a mountain road at 70 mph. Just as you get close to an oncoming truck, two cars pull out from behind him to pass. You hit the brakes and your brakes go out. On your right side is a 500-foot cliff; on your left side is a 1,000-foot precipice. Now, son, you have three seconds. What do you do?"
"Well," the boy drawled, "I reckon I'd wake up Leroy."
"Leroy!" the professor exclaimed. "Who's Leroy?"
"Leroy's my relief driver sir. You see, he's from a small country town and I'd want to wake him up 'cause he ain't never seen an accident like this before."
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SOUTHERN PHRASES THAT WILL HELP YOU FIT IN IF YOU MOVE TO THE SOUTH --
1. Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
2. It's hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch.
3. He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
4. Have a cup of coffee; it's already been 'saucered and blowed.
5. She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm.
6. It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.
7. My cow died last night so I don't need your bull.
8. Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining.
9. He's as country as corn flakes.
10. This is gooder'n grits.
11. Busier than a cat covering snoopy on a marble floor.
12. If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.
13. Makes my ass want a dip of snuff, and it don't know how to spit.
14. That's slicker'n owl snoopy.
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Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed. "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the minister. "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have it's first fight!"
"I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"
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Actress Jane Wyman tells of her most embarrassing moment, which happened when she was entertaining some very special guests. After making sure the entire house was in order, she put a note on the guest towels which read, "If you use these, I will murder you." It was intended for her husband. In the haste of her preparations, she forgot to remove the note. When the guests had departed, she found the towels -- and the note -- exactly as she had left them."
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"I have good news and bad news," a defense attorney told his client. "First the bad news: The blood test came back, and your DNA is an exact match with the sample found on the victim's dress."
"Oh, no -- I'm ruined!" cried the client. "What's the good news?"
"Your cholesterol is down to 140!"
